I    of my memory. I y rigues for t of in tty satisfied - alk. Pep, punc, sand. Get et out. ty of room at top. You ’t keep a good man do t tive es o so and so’s correspondence course. It’s funny , even blokes like me to    application. Because I’m er nor a do, and I’m by nature incapable of bei it    of time. Get on! Make good! If you see a man doies,    yet arrived to knock tuffing out of us.

        I ion at Boots and    to o a local tennis club. You knoennis clubs in teel suburbs—little ing enclosures een forty!’ and ‘Vantage all!’ in voices ation of t. I’d learo play tennis, didn’t daoo badly, and got on    nearly ty I    a bad-looking cter-coloured    ill a point in your favour to    in t any otime, succeeded in looking like a gentleman, but on t aken me for try toy of a place like Ealing,    tennis club t I first met hilda.

        At t time y-four. Simid girl, iful movements, and—because of inct resemblao a    remain on tion t’s going on, and give t tening. If s all, it . At tennis s very gracefully, and didn’t play badly, but some.

        If you’re married, times    often enoug    it across fifteen years, why DID I marry hilda?

        Partly, of course, because sty. Beyond t I    only say t because sotally different ins from myself it    for me to get any grasp of    about erri officer class. Feions past    kind of t on t I s you , if you belong as I do to tea class. It    make any impression on me no it did t mistake    mean t I married o ter, ion of jockeying myself up in t    I couldn’t uand    ainly didn’t grasp    trousers, just to get away from home.

        It    long before ook me o see    knoill t talk about disc a ne e a revelation to me.

        Do you kno’s almost impossible, o remember t out i it’s England and tietury. As soon as you set foot i door you’re in India in ties. You knomospeak furniture, trays, ty tiger-skulls on tric pickles, tograps, tani    you’re expected to knoing aes about tiger-ss and o Jones in Poona in ‘87. It’s a sort of little    ted, like a kind of cyst. to me, of course, it e ing. Old Vi,    only in India but also in some even more outlandis ely bald, almost invisible beacories about cobras and cummerbunds and rict collector said in ‘93.    s like one of tos on t time    tle dark reets t exist in Ealing. It smelt perpetually of tric s, and t you could    in it.

        Old Vi ired in 1910, and si as mucivity, mental or p at time I titude tos, and toeresting illustration of side t me among business people—ravellers—and I’m a fairly good judge of cer. But I ever of tier-clergyman class, and I o kooo ts. I looked on tellectual superiors,    kind, ‘business’, s, is just a dark mystery. All t it’s somet of o talk impressively about my being ‘in business’—once, I remember, ongue and said ‘in trade’—and obviously didn’t grasp t. ion t as I er rise to top of it, by a process of promotion. I t’s possible t ures of oue future date. ainly    in , even    it is, I’d probably be lending moo    t if er eric or somets are dead too.

        ell,    from tart it    ts of killing ie never does tasy t one enjoys t. Besides, c copped. ly    it’s you    on to you some suspect— marriage.

        Os used to everytime. After a year or topped ing to kill arted     ernoons or in t my s ,    seems to be a most frigo pieces after t’s as if trung up to do just t oant t t’s set its seed.    really gets me dotitude to it implies. If marriage    an open srapped you into it and turned round and said, ‘Noard, I’ve ind so muot a bit of it. t    to ime, t to slump into middle age as quickly as possible. After tful battle of getting o tar, t vanis. It    ty, delicate girl,     ttled doo a depressed, lifeless, middle-aged frump. I’m not denying t I    of t w would he same.

        a er erest in tand. It    I first got a notion of ial fact about t all tality , ies— t’s to say on ines    smaller—ty, more crust- sixpe alone a family like miold me t almost t tly feeling t t kind of family, t its    ly t only t one al it’s one’s duty to be miserable about it.

        At ttle maisoe and o get by on my er, o t Bletcter, but titude didn’t c gly glooming about mo! togeto tune of ‘ ’s not t ill less t so be a bit of spare cas I    o buy    clot s t you OUGo be perpetually o a ste laoney. Just mospy. I’m not like t. I’ve got more ttitude too be in t     I refuse to . ‘But, Gee! You don’t seem to REALIZE! e’ve simply got no mo all! It’s very SERIOUS!’ Sting into a panic because somete s t trick, . If you made a list of    ted toget top—‘e ’t afford it’, ‘It’s a great saving’, and ‘I don’t kno t o save butter and eggs.    is    to o tures sime ion about ts.    in t a snob. S a gentleman. On trary, from    of vieress too muc’s a curious t in t felook and even in appearao anyt never does. e live just about as    ting ste tter and ts and sc’s a kind of game h hilda.

        e moved to est Bletcarted buying t year, a little before Billy er I or I ies    say all time, but as often as I got ttle t kind of to    ed o mind. And like all jealous imes t me out     t sen been equally suspicious y. I’m more or less permaly under suspi, t fe five years, any enougo be, w as I am.

        taking it by and large, I suppose    get on    imes ion or divorce, but in our    do t afford to. And time goes on, and you kind of give up struggling. een years, it’s difficult to imagine life     of t find to object to in t do you really    to cie’. Not to say a ball aer.

        Of late years    friends called Mrs    very bitter ideas about to ttle    s-colour, but s tly different form. it takes t you    ime    paying for it. S bargains and amusements t don’t oney. it it doesn’t matter a damn , it’s merely a question of    on t sales Mrs    t’s est pride, after a day’s ing rouo e out     anyte a different sort. Sall t ty-eigerusting kind of face. Siny fixed ine, an annuity or somet- over from ty of est Bletc tle try to’s ten all over     on ty    of turn into o escape from ill looks exactly like a c’s still a tremendous adveo    to go to c ‘modern progress’ and ‘t’, and s a vague yearning to do somet quite knoart. I ttoned on to    of pure loneliness, but noake hey go.

        And times togetimes I’ve almost e. You couldn’t name a kind of idiocy t s dragged to at oime or anoto cat’s-cradle, provided you    do it on t in for t Energy uces and ot don’t oney. Of course to ely began starving ried it on me and t my foot do fait of tag Pelmanism, but after a lot of corresponde get ts free, uff called bee    not all because you made it out of er. t after ticle in t bee ed tours round factories, but after a lot of aritic Mrs    teas tories gave you didn’t quite equal tion. tance ickets for plays produced by some stage society or ot for ening to some    eveend to uand a    even tell you ter t t tting sometook up spiritualism. Mrs    medium    eenpence, so t tanner a time. I sa our al terror of D.t.s.     of spasm and a ter-muslin dropped out of r. I mao s back to ter-muslin is oplasm old. I suppose o anet maions f find of t fe Book Club. I t    t Book Club got to est Bletc soon after’s almost time I    remember spending money    esting. Sting it for a ts proper price. ttitude is curious, really. Miss Minainly ry at reading one or t t even o t exion    Book Club or any notion ’s all about—in fact I believe at t it o do    in rail it means seven and sixpenny books for    it’s ‘suc Book Club brangs as people doo speak, and Mrs akes t one for public meetings of any kind, al it’s indoors and admissio t knoing’s about and t care, but t a vague feeling, especially Miss Minns, t t isn’t costing thing.

        ell, t’s    sake it by and large, I suppose simes    I’d like tle    later I got so t I didn’t care. And t fat aled do must    I got fat. It    it    stuside. You knoill feeling more or less young,    m you    you’re just a poor old fatty    sing yuts out to buy boots for the kids.

        And no’s ‘38, and in every sing up ttleso see on a poster irred up in me a uff o have been buried God knows how many years ago.
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