It didnt take long for to find out. A couple of days, maybe. I airs and asked me o on Ne, Not, ell, t isnt o think. And I was like, Neers?

        And ly going to be a story about you and     Martin Sin S of, only met    nig a party, dont know him very well.

        And so Dad goes,    ty is it in S t kind of party t    say aerever, kind of t dived in.

        Did I fuck ! tin Sil    the idea.

        It tle s, but o go on t    me. ton/Martin Sable.    for somet? A couple of o be , Id    if I were him.

        . And Im al. If    to sea by now.

        Dad pulled back tain to sneak a look, and t ted to go out and     Dad    let me;    take a mad picture of me, and Id look stupid a it.

        And    o do t, and in our position    all and igion? Im not in a position. And , ell, you are,    you are in a position, and I go, Youre in a position not me, and ion too, and    on like t for a    it never c, really. If I    in a position t be ied. In fact, t as t in a position, tion, if you see    sat in my room and read, ot a steady boyfriend, terest. But if I    to bed in Se of no i. terest.

        after troubled rating isnt murder, is it? Everyone goes ting p they?

        By ing inona-style, bags and clot, not pens and ss. It es just after ponies and boy bands, and rig I could tell t it    time, and t ed to t better late t I t    o be all over t ter for Mum and Dad to t Id slept in to kerally.    alive, possibly, and even Im making up my mind    ick, it    be suc ty     ing at college, everyo man in Britain, but it er good, i.e. ts.

        tarted to t t of trouble if Id just given it anotes before Id opened my mout I didnt. I just , Da-ad. And    looked at ter tell me everyt muco tell really. I just    to ty and oo muco drink and    back to s it. And s it, as in end of story? And I , ell, no, ts it as in dot dot dot you doo knoails. So , Jesus d    down in a chair.

        But    o say Id slept ried it on, or anyt all like t, but I    quiougs a cter go sex, but t o be tion sort of t you dont o do exactly    says on t, do you? You    miss t, if you , and ts    it? I dont t before.) But I didnt, did I? And t didnt: before I told    Dad to find out ory in t t, tabloids, sex… I dont kno, to tell you trut much, as usual.

        So Dad got straigalked to old t Id told    and I    to anscV for a fees, and t to see if I could see t bloke, and I could, and    on his own any more.

        And t to get an early edition.    ten years older t.

        And o see, and tIN SERS DAUG.

        So t e and utter fug e of time.

        JJ    t    time    Jesss background, and I o say t my first rea    it ty fug ore, buying some smokes, and Jess and Martin aring at me from ter, and I read the headline and whooped.

        t, got me some strange looks. An Eduinister! ! Youve got to uand, talked like s up by a penniless, junkie ed like education itution, somet only te    to.

        But tory, it    quite so funny. I didnt kno Jesss older sister Jennifer. None of us did. Seen and seen; s abandoned near a    do. Jennifer est t    of learning to drive. t kno s ty dark about the whole child-raising se.

        And t day, it became a    read ticle underion of t I eventually realized o be Maureen and me. And at ticle, tion and a phone number.

        tion    ass tisabloid prose.

        You o give ttle credit, to me, ted of four miserable people, failing dismally to do somet out to do - somet is not, lets be , real o ac C it ory, somet make a fe, you knoo till o put it together.

        Ill tell you t trut off on tory a little. It ifying, in an ironic    myself, and t makes sense if you t it. See, one of t    me doy to leave my mark on t I    famous.

        Maybe Im being tle more to it t, but t    of it. Any I o t page of there somewhere.

        So I    of enjoying myself, sitting in my flat, drinking coffee and smoking, taking pleasure from kno I    of famous and pletely anonymous, all at time. And t, and I jumped out of my skin.

        ? Is t JJ? A young womans voice.

        ? I ?    tand you on and Martin Sried to kill tand    sentence from eit didnt ion mark at te at the end of mine was a relief, like a sneeze.

        . You pressed the wrong buzzer.

        I dont think I did.

        deny you his address.

        Good point. these people.

        I didnt say it e stupidity of tion to float around.

        S say anytanding out treet, s my patic attempts. I vo to say anotil s away.

        Listen, s kind of reason? I dont kno mig know, you gave eaco go on.

        I dont kno t.

        ty of t? Anyt migional in our quest to find C see it.

        Did Martin S gave you a reason to live, for example? People    to know, if he did.

        I tried to tin    s, but t -lifting rat. And old us t a guest on o someone y-five years, but t     mucher.

        I t thing, no.

        Im going to leave a card ,    me alk about this.

        I nearly ran out after emporary ter of , I liked being temporary ter of my o been too mucly, and t mucer sher.

        So I     television on, and made a cup of tea, and I pre, and tty to t    of tV, and it all started again. It , but I    Id see any of telepin o explain to me t if I did    sure    it mig I didnt tually be using them.

        Ill tell you Gods    trutll make me sound as if I    t see eac t of it. I oo old for too old-faseresting time going to parties and seeing all trange people t it    cill going back to pick Matty up, and I still o live beyond tired of. You mig s of course I am angry. I dont kno. to do , I suppose. And maybe my age, because aug to grumble,     some days - most days - I    to scream and s and break t enoug be stuck    get angry.

        A Maureen? It is.

        tropolitan Police.

        Oh, hello, I said.

        s t your son rouble in tre on New Years Eve. Sing and sniffing glue and mugging people and so on.

        Im afraid it couldnt . y.

        And youre sure    putting ty on? I even t about t you,    to make absolutely sure t youre tellirut in case you get into trouble later on.

        or if he was.

        And youre sure    a very good actor? Oive. You see, oo disabled to act.

        But    if ts an act? Only, ts ion. t.

        s tion? I dont knoo be helpful, I suppose.

        ell e to t, madam.    you at for s on Ne a ce    registered at first.

        t me. I didnt kno. Supposing someone from taken    and used    of thing?

        One of t you dont knoing, and tys bla? Supposing t out drinking, and took Matty    into a figoing o someone, and t kno     er to get into trouble? ell, you could    someone, craso tually, even in ttle panic I couldnt really see    even so! t    t , I suppose. I    been    beeo leave him for ever.

        I    er.

        Ah. I see.

        ly safe.

        Im sure     talking about y, are we?

        ere talking about ty of people in tre.

        ood Green! he    in ood Green! No. Yes. Sorry.

        Are you really sorry? Are you really really really f— sorry? I couldnt believe my ears. I k it    more errorists and su to members of tine inquiry. Unless, of course, sress. Could Matty, or wually killed someone?

        A child, maybe?

        Maureen.

        Yes, Im still here.

        Maureen, Im not really a polian. Im Jess.

        O my oupidity.

        You believed me, didnt you, you silly old bag.

        Yes, I believed you.

        S s me, so s try to make any more of it.

        look at them.

        ere in them.

        in and I are in t a laug does it say? It says t me and Martin and tery, you know, people .

        ts not true.

        Der. And it says Im ter for Educations daughter.

        say t? Because I am.

        Oh.

        Im just telling you so you kno, for a politis daughter.

        And a er came round to JJs flat and asked ional reason.

        does t mean? e dont knoo ing.

        .

        I t go anywhere.

        ? Because of Matty. ts one of the roof.

        Because I ever go anywhere.

        e could e to you.

        I began to flus    them here.

        No, no. Ill ting up? Later on today.

        O be able to sort anyt for today.

        So o you.

        Please dont. I    tidied up.

        So tidy up.

        Ive never elevision in my is daughter.

        I    put on any airs races. ell see you at five.

        And t gave me to sort everyt, put everyt does drive you a little bit mad, a life like mine, I to be a little mad to    to jump off top of a building. You o be a little mad to e dotle mad to put up ty, and taying in all time, and t I do ttle mad. If I     tidying up. And if I     they found.

        MARtIN    I suppose it crossed my mind t my visit to toppers    be of io our friends in tabloid press. I    page of treet, for Cs sake, and some        attempting to fall off a eresting t. old C, I did o sell t as e a particularly less individual, I dismissed t Jess , then I could have prepared myself.

        My agent called first tory out to me - I only botelegrap home now.

        Is any of true? he said.

        Bet.

        I o jump from top of a tower-block.

        Gosh.

        My agent is young, pos of prison to find t te unquanization at to make t, is no stands bet    job at FeetUptV!, t cable cive Religion, and . I suspect t ball for Allboys United, if you get my drift, alts e teapot end of tency scale.

        I met he living.

        o jump off top of a to urely whimsical.

        Im sure you must have had a reason.

        I did. I    yourself    events.

        e t urned a er. Its alou t person plural. Ive    of prison…, Since    of boteenage girl…" If t after a successful suicide attempt, it    Id never get to heo say, Since we killed ourselves… Or, Since our funeral...

        e t wrong.
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