ever. Jeez. And a fe up food. And soon after , I lost my girl. She was English.

        ts why I was here.

        there was a silence.

        ts it? said Jess.

        ts it.

        ts patic. I see    crap about t be in a band t sounds like tones? Id be te. Id ratill like them in Amerio one does here.

        ts Mick Jagger, isnt it, tones? Maureen asked. te good,    t sitting ing stale Custard Creams like JJ, is    before Cmas, said Maureen. Maybe I didnt put t tin properly.

        I arting to think we were losing foy issues.

        tos kind of not important. t    like an illustration. I just meant… songs, guitars, energy.

        eig got any energy.

        I sain. t England lost to Germany in ties. A cook a    of tening to t of energy then.

        y then, said Jess.

        ill you s t presume t every time I speak I say fuck, fug or m to tell you about my whole life.

        No oopping you, said Jess. But youve got to make it more iing. ts alk about biscuits.

        OK, all rig graduate from    s gone, and I didnt make a t out of it, and Im looking at a life of flipping burgers.

        Jess snorted.

        No sounds funny, ;flipping" instead of… you know w.

        I dont t "flipping" like "flipping ;, said Martin. I t flipping as in turning ts .

        Oh, said Jess.

        And Im    will kill me.

        mind        y     and frustrated and, and… See,    you t doesnt…    are you supposed to do    all?    it,    to go, and, and it    used to eat me up even age or rec like every minute of times it felt like I o be, ot to go. e used to arted up on to tle like Moto;I Got Your Back", ogetoget usually do, and it ribute to our friends and bla    album and it es and ty seds long and no one really noticed it, I mean, people ice it. But arted playing it live, and it kind of got longer, and Eddie    t solo. It    like a rock guitar solo; it    knois Mayfield or Ernie Isley migimes, er like a year ot to be ten-, te sopper. And    or close    or stick it in t, and to me it became t felt like surfing, or, or ural    feeling maybe a imes a year, and not many people get it even on ts y to create t routinely, , as part of my    I t it, I    see    dying of some fug disease, sain. Because ts    feels like. Im dying of some disease t dries up all t makes you feel alive, and… Yeain. You seem to ted t about o kill yourself.

        ts it, I said. t dries up all the blood in your veins.

        ts just in. Its called "getting older". I felt like t even before Id been to prison. Even before I slept    girl. Its probably o t.

        No, I get it, said Jess.

        Yeai, like a tennis player ao cord. You t you o be someone, but nos obvious youre nobody. You    got as mut as you t you    no skills and no education, and no forty or fifty years of nots pretty s    you got noake a lot loo kill you. Youve got th, or a quick merciful one.

        She shrugged.

        S. S it.

        I    if Jess    goo toilet. But you t stop people going to toilet,    you? I    never occurred to me t shed be nosing around where she had no business.

        Supid face, ers.

        In one er of ter of tballer.

        So when? she said.

        I stood up a    t yours! Id never    it of you, ss . Youre a dyke highs. Kinky.

        hs.

        It ypical of Jess, I t. Sion, ion at all.

        Do you even know whese people are? she said.

        ttys, ters, not mine.    kno t ts    said on ter, but I didnt really kno it ty to tractive young    age no t I only caug name, Paddy. I took advice from Jo to ure for my lad ime    to a game.    a great big picture of Paddy celebrating a goal, and    even    paying for it, but t a little aerwards.

        For some reason tle lad, ten or take o a game. And sometimes on Sunday ms, urday, ty aking it, and sometimes y back from to    sometimes you o admit to yourself and to everyone else, tty. tioned Arsenal again after t. I dont miss t on a Sunday m. ts of good reasons to lose your faith.

        I cers t Jess apes and tball boots and ter games and trendy address books. (Address books! Dear God! Of all t spell it out.

        I    put a tape on for ening to it, but o fill an address book    even got one of my os of age life in there.

        to decorate his bedroom.

        , and ill slept in a nursery - cloains, bunny rabbits on ting for    kno looked terrible, and I    done anyt it because it made me too muc    o    groo replace ts h?

        , so perrains and rocket sballers    sort of t of course    kno t,    t knos    o do? Everytending,    it? t    make-believe    te, get a plain pair of curtains. t elling    I krying to . But t stop? Does t mean you ever buy -s , or a picture, because    make any sense of pictures? And    of colours, or patterns? And it goes    saying t talking to    ending, so end     properly?

        In t for trains on tains, and your man from Star ars o I started buying ics every no to see . And curday m television togettle bit about pop singers    like, and sometimes about tV programmes e of t tending to move o c it    it, ? And any to see Matty, in a strange sort of a    must be er for EastEnders: t say to t does t does en to, ball team does ? ts    t of pop music ell tter to act surprised.

        Most distant family members    o. All t    t    all t rig    to knoer and t c grateful to be told o do. Matty took over t, in the end.

        You know uff everywhere.

        It doesnt matter o Matty.

        O do as youre told and put tin. Put t out. c to be? One day, I t, Ill learn to say t for myself.

        MARtIN    Mattys posters    mentioned again t day. e    Jess    JJ and I couldnt express ty: Jess set t you    ter, as in so many ot    staying quiet on t because ed being made to stay quiet, o mind.

        You t stand your dad,    you? I asked her.

        No, course not. osser.

        But you live ick it, man? JJ asked her.

        t afford to move out. Plus t a er and cable and broadband and all t.

        Ao be young and idealistid principled! I said. Anti-globalization, pro-er, eo be lectured by you they worry.

        Aarily ed. Looked at in a certain ligion could be summarized as folloly imprisoned for ed a fatal disease because to do so saved ime, trouble and face eenager f to be at s. I made a o put aside some time later so t I could synopsize it differently.

        e o    your sister, said Maureen.

        Yea didnt erday, did it? e o Jess simply meant t sil s thrown off again.

        Got used to it now.

        have you? I asked.

        Sort of...

        Must be a strao o get used to.

        Bit.

        Dont you t it all time? JJ asked her.

        t alk about o be talking about? , exactly? About o do. About t.

        Do hink so, said JJ.

        t about us soon, you knos only because fuck all    the year.

        if     tet about us? said Jess.

        to remember? I asked her.

        e could make some dosd be someto do.

        o do? I dunno. I just… I get t . t people erested in us.

        Youre mad.

        Yealy. ts ed in me. I could even play it up a bit, if you like.

        Im sure t    be necessary, I said quickly, on beire population of Britain. Youre fine as you are.

        Jess smiled sly, surprised by t pliment. tin. So are you. And you - t to knoo kno pizzas and all t. And Maureen could tell everyone about    it is living ty. See,    some secret superpower.

        Yea on. I he superpower of delivering pizzas.

        And Maureen he superpower of a disabled son.

        ell, all rig, you knohing.

        A;t;. Le mot juste, as ever.

        Jess sco oo besotted by o    me    my knoill    decided ually top ourselves - t.

        And if ually sold tV rigo Valentines Nigurn it into a Big Brot for ted to go over, said JJ.

        Jess looked dubious. I dont kno t, s you kno papers and t, Martin. e could make some money, couldnt o you t Ive rouble s al you, isnt it? said Jess.    about if t for us? But ory? said JJ. tory. e    up, s it. People must do t all time.

        Ive been t t if hing? said Jess.

        Like o    if ly.    Yeah.

        I didnt see an angel, said Maureen.     a spiritual experience for financial gain.

        ts terrible, said Maureen, if only because it ed of her.

        Its not really iing, is it? said Jess.    No? In ually see an angel?     do you call it in poems?    Im sorry?     You knoure. Sometimes you say sometimes you say sometever.

        Similes aaphors.

        Yealy. Sed t s why he was a genius.

        No.

        , then?    Never mind.

        So w did ime.

        OK. Any; even if youre not actually a prick. As in a penis. Obviously.

        Maureen looked close to tears.    Oh, fods sake, Jess, I said.

        Sorry. Sorry. I didnt kno grammar and t.

        e do.

        Rig;You are a pig" ig.

        Metaphor.

        Exactly. e didnt literally see an angel. But    of did metaphorically.

        e sort of metaped JJ.    disbelief t now.

        Yeaurned us back. Somet an angel? Because t one.

        OK,    see one. But you could say t anything was an angel.

        Any girl, anyway. Me, or even Maureen.

        Any girl could be an angel. JJ again.

        Yeah. Because of angels. Girls.

        he Angel Gabriel, for example? No.

        ell, he - he - was an angel.

        Yea patience.

        is t    see an angel, literally or metapally, seeing sometapever t means, is not tand it, is s not embelliss talking bulls, sorry, Maureen. to be , Id keep to yourself. I    tell anyone about t even tional press.

        But say if    on telly a a co, you k her.

        ts sort of up to us, isnt it? ue o find a ented ourselves ernoon e as ters of us    really enjoyed our brief moment of media exposure,    i in our mental o do not    told    Id seen an angel.

        t in :    up the fug wall.

        off on one for about ten minutes. But I kne, because Dad ansin never said anyto o Dad, tory    o stick tuns, and as long as , ed to    oo good ao e,    it? And t, o it in t of. And for me, it    big test as a group. traigo make: ? And to be , if t t, I doubt     t good.

        I admit I    sneaky. First of all I asked JJ to see    m, and old me    I    making versation, but I t it mig some stage. And t o old they gave me her mobile number.

        S s t     serested and encing, really. If s as a journalist, Id say it    soo encing, if anytoo believing and trusting. Youd expect a good journalist to be all, you knorut I could old ten it doween you and me.

        So s did t, to s we were friends.

        Id t about tupid to say    .

        Not , I said. And Linda , , no    decision.

        I laug, No, he looked all modern, and she was like, Really?

        (I alalking about . But , its a drag, isnt it? Like, , like, . So Im going to do it like a play from no so good on speecever, but I    remember plays from reading t sg.

        LINDA: A band? hich band?

        ME: I dont know. Radio.

        LINDA: hy Radiohead?

        (You couldnt say anyt ion. I said Radio look like anyt blokes, arent t kno film?    t married to Jennifer Lopez,    matt.

        LINDA: tt Damon?

        ME: Yea.

        LINDA: So. A t Damon.

        ME:    all t, Matt Damon. But, yeah.

        LINDA: And whis angel?

        ME: hen?

        LINDA: Yes, o jumping were you?

        ME: O t minute.

        LINDA: oanding on the ledge? All of you?

        ME: Yeao go et of tanding to ead o do Ohis voice behind us.

        LINDA: You must ened out of your s.

        ME: Yea    fall off.

        ME: Yeah.

        LINDA: So you all turned around… ME: Yeaurned around, and    was he wearing?

        ME: Just a sort of… Like a baggy suit, sort of te suit. Quite fas    him back a few quid.

        LINDA: A designer suit?

        ME: Yeah.

        LINDA: tie?

        ME: No. No tie.

        LINDA: An informal angel.

        ME: Yea-casual, anyway.

        LINDA: And did you knoely    a human man?

        ME: Oh, yeah.

        LINDA: how?

        ME:    tuned in properly. And you could see rig see .

        You could just see like the roof.

        LINDA: how high?

        ME:    sares tall. But re above the ground.

        LINDA: So    t tall?

        ME: tres above then.

        LINDA: So    tall.

        ME: tres. ever.

        LINDA: So    were above your heads.

        ME: (Being fucked off    metres, but trying not to s) to begin    t of    t , and . I got t    done any    rusty.

        (I    making tuff up as I    along. I mean, you kno up. But seeing as    t t I , anyway.)    LINDA: Amazing.    ME: Yea really was.    LINDA: So w did he say?

        ME:    jump. But    very peacefully.

        Calmly. ell ?

        ME: Not in so many    you could    out.    LINDA: Because of the inner wisdom.

        ME: Yea sort of air about    God personally. It s all he said?

        ME: ime    e yet. Go back do and joy. A upid.

        hing I personally believe.

        (t last bit, t,    part of the play.

        Im just giving you extra information, so you    get a better picture of tend to spread t message?    ME: Yeas one of t to do tervieerrorists od is not a    t.    side of things.

        LINDA: Im sure our readers    very t-provoking.

        And you all sa?

        ME: O miss him.

        LINDA: Martin S?

        ME: O…    more than any of us.

        (I didnt quite k, but I could tell it ant to    Martin was involved.) LINDA: So now w?

        ME: ell. eve got to    o do.

        LINDA: Of course. ill you be talking to any other neers?

        ME: Oely.

        I . I got o five grand in to promise t so speak to everybody, though.

        JJ    It didnt seem like it o be too difficult, at first. OK, none of us    Jess    us into t it didnt seem    over. ed grit our teetake try and fet it ever    t day youre sitting in front of a journalist, and youre all agreeing raig tt Damon, and loyalty seemed like t of all tues. It    like you could just go tioo    just say, Yeaever. Seeing an angel is clearly a big deal, so youve got to act like its a big deal, ement and open-mouts o do open-moutted teet stuff, kind of. But because s, s trouble iently and sloal soul, Its for five thousand pounds.

        to sit for Matty, and    Linda in t on Neaken - mostly group ss, but took one or tside, ing at t end up using t a little, and one of us    do it at all. A, Linda asked us questions.

        It in ser -    Martin So say t an angel     Martin So say, I AM A ACKO -OFFICIAL - s-page story. Martioo, so o alk-s ual in telling Linda t    Sidney Carton guy in A tale of ties going to tine so t in    tood. t Sidney guy, ty, so    Martin just looked pissed off.

        Jess did all talking to begin    tired of arted to ask Martiions directly.

        So , because of being out of practice, but t level.

        Martin o put    on things more embarrassing for him.

        So in, ied.

        e didnt too stunned.

        ts rigin.

        But you must    somet was only, Bloody    o Rise and Sin. She chuckled encingly.

        ell, said Martin. I    beeing t ime asking him.

        Youve got your cable shough.

        Yes.

        So maybe . She chuckled encingly again.

        e tend to book mainly suff. Stand-up edians, soap stars… tsman.

        So youre saying you    arted tioning, Linda seemed kind of relut to let it drop.

        I dont know.

        You dont knos not David Letterman, your s? Its not like people are so get on it.

        e do all right.

        I couldnt    s of tory. An angel - possibly like an emissary from ted a toop us all from killing ourselves, ao knoalk s kno ions erview.

        person on t wed ever heard of, anyway.

        Youd in. ticular at Damon? Ive heard of angels, she said.

        ell, Im sure youve resses, said Martin. eve oo.

        e a piece about    a guest on Martins s ? Usually    call ;t;, said Jess. But… ould you mind if Martin ansions? Youve some said very much.
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