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首页The Story of My LifeChapter XIV

Chapter XIV

        ter of 1892    sky. Joy deserted my , and for a long, long time I lived in doubt, ay and fear. Books lost t of t. A little story called "t King,"    to Mr. Anagnos, of titution for t t of trouble. In order to make tter clear, I must set forts ected iy teayself pels me to relate.

        I e tory er I o speak. e ayed up at Fern Quarry later to me ties of te foliage, and it seems t ions revived tory,    t I ;making up a story," as c doo e it before ts flo a sense of joy in tion. ords and images came tripping to my finger ends, and as I t out senteer sentence, I e te. Noo me    effort, it is a pretty sure sign t t t stray    I regretfully dismiss. At t time I eagerly absorbed everyt a t of aut be quite sure of t is because so many of my impressions e to me thers eyes and ears.

        ory o my tea tiful passages, and my annoya being interrupted to ion of a ed. At di o t I could e so well. Some one asked me if I    in a book.

        tion surprised me very muc test recolle of    read to me. I spoke up and said, "O is my story, and I ten it for Mr. Anagnos.”

        Accly I copied tory a it to    ed t I sitle from "Autumn Leaves" to "t King," ory to t-office myself, feeling as if I tle dreamed    birt.

        Mr. Anagnos    King," and publis in one of titutios.

        ttle on only a s time    a story similar to "t King," called "t Fairies" by Miss Margaret t. by, ;Birdie and ; tories    it    Miss bys story o me, and t mio make me uand t onister suspi upon t. A    possibly il I o recall anyt t t I e "t King"; but I could remember not to Jack Frost, and a poem for c;t," and I kne in my position.

        At first Mr. Anagnos, troubled, seemed to believe me. ender and kind to me, and for a brief space ted. to please ried not to be uno make myself as pretty as possible for tion of asons birtook place very soon after I received the sad news.

        I o be Ceres in a kind of masque given by t enfolded me, t autumn leaves t    and grain at my feet and in my y of t made my    heavy.

        t before tion, one of teacitution ion ected ;t King," and I elling    Miss Sullivan alked to me about Jack Frost aed in my    I did remember Miss bys story of "t Fairies," and sold    empically t saken.

        Mr. Anagnos,    urned a deaf ear to t least suspected, t Miss Sullivan and I ely stolen t ts of anoto igation posed of teacitution, and Miss Sullivan o leave me. tioned and cross-questioned    seemed to me a determination on t of my judges to force me to ao I remembered ;t Fairies" read to me. I felt in every question t and suspi t , too, t a loved friend    me reproac    all to    my t, and I could scarcely speak, except in monosyllables. Even t it ake did not lessen my suffering, and    I o leave t notice my teader le girl and they were proud of me.

        As I lay in my bed t nig as I . I felt so cold, I imagined I s forted me. I to me    tfulerness of those sad days.

        Miss Sullivan ;t Fairies" or of t ed tter carefully, and at last it came out t Mrs. Sop;Birdie and ; in 1888, t    t Breer. Mrs. o find    sold me t at t time, o amuse me by reading from various books, and alt remember reading "t Fairies" any more t s sure t "Birdie and ;    t s time before sold ales, and t "Birdie and ; hem.

        tories tle or no meaning for me t trao amuse a little oto amuse    recall a single circumstance ected ories, yet I ot    I made a great effort to remember tention of eaed. Oain, tamped upon my brain, time no one kne, least of all myself.

        speak to    "t Fairies," probably because s oo read "Little Lord Fauntleroy,"    t remains t Miss bys story o me once, and t long after I ten it, it came bae so naturally t I never suspected t it her mind.

        In my trouble I received many messages of love and sympat, except one, o t time.

        Miss by e kindly, "Some day you e a great story out of your o and o many." But tortured by t e is not my oime, ter, even to my moterror, and I ences over and over, to make sure t I    read t not been for tent encement of Miss Sullivan, I trying to e altogether.

        I ;t Fairies" since, also tters I e in o Mr. Anagnos, dated September 29, 1891, imely like t time I ing "t King," and tter, like many otains p my mind urated ory. I represent my teae of tumn leaves, "Yes, tiful enougo fort us for t of summer"--an idea direct from Miss bys story.

        t of assimilating    out again as my otempts at ing. In a position    ties of Greed Italy, I borroions, ions, from sources I ten. I knew Mr.

        Anagnoss great love of antiquity and ic appreciation of all beautiful ses about Italy and Greece. I t of poetry or of ory t I t ies, ;ti t; But I do not uand    a blind and deaf ced t I ot t because I did nile position is te devoid of i. It s I could express my appreciation of beautiful and poetic ideas in clear and animated language.

        tions al gymnastics. I ion and imitation, to put ideas into    pleased me I retained in my memory, sciously or unsciously, and adapted it. ter, as Stevenson inctively tries to copy    admirable, and s ion onisility. It is only after years of t of practice t eve men o marshe mind.

        I am afraid I    yet pleted t is certain t I ot alinguiss from t I read bees tand texture of my mind.

        sequently, in nearly all t I e, I produetake o secs of odds and ends--pretty bits of silk a; but t    pleasant to touced. Likeions are made up of crude notions of my oer ts and riper opinions of t seems to me t t difficulty of ing is to make ted mind express our fused ideas, s, inctive tenderying to e is very mug to put a Cogettern in mind    in    t fit t matc rying because    ot o ao.

        "to bee inal, except to be born so," says Stevenson, and alt be inal, I ime to outgroificial, periions. ts and experiences o trust and ry not to let tter memory of "t King" trammel my efforts.

        So t me tion.

        My only regret is t it resulted in t friends, Mr. Anagnos.

        Siion of "tory of My Life" in tatement, in a letter to Mr. Macy, t at time of t;Frost King" matter, .    of iigation before ed of eig I kne Miss bys story o me, and t ates t    e o me.

        But,    e, o ten ting o doubt me, I felt t tile and menag in tmosp events    t. tly retracted , ails of tigation. I never kne;court" o me. I oo excited to notiyto ask questions. Indeed, I could scarcely t I o me.

        I    of t;Frost King" affair because it ant in my life and education; and, in order t t be no misuanding, I    forts as to me,    a t of defending myself or of laying blame on any one.
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