SUNDAY, JANUARY 2, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        to do, I leafed the pages of my diary and

        came across so maers dealing    of "Mot; in sug terms t I ;Anne, is t really you talking about e? Oh, Anne, how could you?”

        I tio sit e t I o fide it all to you. I tried to uand t year and make apologies for ions and dont attempt to explai be clear. I ill do) from moods t kept my er (figuratively speaking) and alloo see tive,    calmly sidering emperament,    or offended -- ing as they would have done.

        I    of no o myself and calmly e do means a great deal to me, but I could easily e "over and done ; on many of its pages.

        I    Motill am a lot of time). Its true, s uand me, but I didnt uand ender and affeate, but because of t situations I put ances in and h me.

        I ook it far too muco    and    aly to urn, made    in a vicious circle of unpleasantness and sorro a very    at least its ing to an end. I didnt    to see    very sorry for myself, but ts uandable too.

        t outbursts on paper are simply expressions of a, in normal life, I could amping my foot a feimes or calling Mother names behind her back.

        tearfully passing judgment on Mot steadier. Most of time I mao ongue o be getting aloer. But t do, and ts to love Motion of a child.

        I soot t its better for unkind o be doo o carry t.

        Yours, Anne

        thURSDAY, JANUARY 6, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        today I o fess. Its going to take a long time, but I o tell to someone, and youre t likely didate, since I kno, no matter ens.

        t is about Motly plained about ried my best to be nice. Ive suddenly realized    sers. ts all very nice, of course, except t a friend t take to set a good example and be a person I    respect, but in most matters s not to do. I    Margot tly about t so uand    told you. And Fations o do her.

        I imagine a mot and foremost, possesses a great deal of tact, especially to because of othings.

        trivial, but t Ive never fiven    o go to tist. Mot plao go ake my bicycle. ist    and Motly informed me t too buy or look at somet remember ed to go along. But t e because I ears e ruso my eyes, and Margot and Mot me. I    I stuck my to at t treet. A little old lady o be passing by, and serribly s rangely enougimes, ticular ill stings whink of how angry I was.

        I find it difficult to fess ts about myself. Im not prudisty, a every time t of trips to the

        baten do, my w.

        Yesterday I read an article on bluser. It ly to me. Not t I blus t of ticle did apply.    s during puberty girls o t taking pla t too,    embarrassment over Margot, Mot is a lot s s in t embarrassed.

        I t    just mean taking pla tside of my body, but also to talk about to myself.    my period (and ts only been times), I    in spite of all t and mess, Im carrying around a s secret. So even ts a nuisance, in a certain o time    inside me once again.

        Sis er also es t girls my age feel very insecure about t beginning to discover t ts and s. Id just turee myself and realized t Ive bee an "indepe person" sirls.

        Sometimes o toud listen to t, steady beating of my .

        Unsciously, I    at Jacques, I could no longer restrain my curiosity about oucs. Jacque refused.

        I also errible desire to kiss ime I see a female nude, suc ory book, I go iasy. Sometimes I find te I le to ears. If only I had a girlfriend!

        thURSDAY, JANUARY 6, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        My longing for someoo talk to    I someook it into my o select Peter for to Peters room during t it    Peters too

        polite to so stay long. Ive alo linger in    alking    ig, aerday I got my cer, you see, is currently going t do anytting across from eac able, Peter on the divan.

        It gave me a     ts, and in ainty as to o be time a flicker of awareness of y. I saw ed.

        I ed to say, "tell me about yourself. Look bey exterior." But I found t it o tions to ask them.

        to a close, and not t I told    ticle on blus e you, of course, just t    older. “

        t nig, all t I o beg Peter for favors ing. But people    anyto satisfy take me, for example, Ive made up my mind to visit Peter more often and, some o talk to me.

        You mustnt ter, because Im not. If ter instead of a son, Id ried to make friends h her.

        t before seven and immediately remembered . I ting on a cer. . . Peter Sc a book of dra t    all -- t oers eyes suddenly met mine, and I stared for a long time into ty broly, "If Id only kno; I turned abruptly aion. And t a soft, ole e, and it felt so good, so good . . .

        At t point I ill feeling    mine and aring deep into my , so deep t ill do. Again my eyes filled ears, and I     at time glad because I ky t Peter is still the only one for me.

        Its funny, but I often    I sa I could even make out , kly velvet. Anotime Grandma appeared to me as a guardian angel. After t it o me t of Je whose in need.

        And noer, my dearest Peter. Ive never al image of    need a pograph, I    see him oh so well.

        Yours, Anne

        FRIDAY, ]ANUARY 7, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Im suc. I fot t I    yet told you tory of my orue love.

        tle girl, en, I took a liking to Sally Kimmel.

        . One of Sallys cousins urned out to look like a movie idol and aroused more admiration t, ical, cime    every aside from t, my love ed until Peter crossed my pat-and-out crusoo, and ton suit and me in a s summer dress. At tion    to t t ter all, good-looking and slender,    and intelligent face. iful bro his smile, which made him look so boyish and mischievous.

        Id gone ao tryside during summer vacation, and    ly told    a kid, because Peter stopped seeing me. I loved    I didnt    to face trut ging to il t if I tio cer him, people would say I was boy-crazy.

        t by. Peter o say o me. I started sc t aentions, but t er on, errible crus as Ive already told you, I never fell in love again.

        t;time ; ts    old myself Id fotteer and no longer liked . But my memories    t I o admit to myself t t I    nothing has ged;

        on trary, as Ive groure, my love and er t I    still s to tten me pletely. I sa no o Peter could u my mind t way.

        Ive been in an utter state of fusion today. ed to s, "Oer!" Ive been tantly, and all day long Ive beeing to myself, "Oel, my darling, darliel . .

        .”

        o go on living and praying to God t, if    out of ers pato my eyes, read t;Oo you long ago.”

        Once    sex, oo young to uand t kind of desire. But I t I did uand it, and noo me noel!

        I sa looked so different. My eyes er. I looked    t tely faded from my lips. Im not els not t I    still feel iful eyes gazing at me and    e. . . Oel, Petel, o free myself from your image? ouldnt aute? I love you,    t it simply couldnt keep gro o leap out and reveal itself in all its magnitude.

        A ; likely to marry?" Id ;Sally, since he makes me feel

        good, peaceful and safe!" But el, because I love    and all my soul. I surrender myself pletely!" Except for t oouc ts as far as it goes.

        t attic el, sitting oalking for a s later I felt el, e to me. t Petel!

        EDNESDAY, JANUARY 12, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Beps been back for t ter    be allo sext    for t stomachs.

        Im currently going t craze and am diligently practig my daeps every evening. Ive made an ultramodern dane out of a lacy lavender slip belonging to Momsy. Bias tape is top and tied just above t. A pink corded ribbon pletes tried to turn my tennis so ballet slippers, but iff limbs are o being as limber as to be. A terrific exercise is to sit on to sit on a cusakes a beating.

        Everyo remely good because it describes a number of adolest problems. I t to myself, a bit ironically, " you take more i in your os first!”

        I t Margot and I ter relationss t no mot er in mind, since I dont believe Margot s as I do. Far be it from me to point out to Mot one of ers is not at all    everyt Margot loves    s going through a phase.

        Margots gotten muc different to be. S nearly as catty tde kid .

        Its funny, but I    sometimes see myself as otake a leisurely look at t;Anne Frank" and brer.

        Before I came    t t I didnt belong to Momsy, Pim and Margot and t I sider. I sometimes    around for six mont a time pretending I im, e. After t Id force myself to be friendly for a eps on tairs, I    o say good m. Id greet o ionate glance. But t me for    or oto scely disced.

        On telling myself t ss, g een to til ts of t times Id decide to stay angry, but to talk about after sc Id fet my resolution and    Moto stop eps on tairs a lonely and cried into my pillo.

        Everytten muc you already kne. Noo er. I fondle my pendant, press it to my lips and t; do I care! Petel is mine and nobody kno!" ity remark.    t so muage girl?

        SAtURDAY, JANUARY 15, 1944

        My dearest Kitty,

        to go on describing all our quarrels and arguments doo t detail. Its enougo tell you t    and fats and oils and are frying our oatoes. Retly ing a little extra rye bread because by four oclock were so hungry for dinner we    barely

        trol our rumbling stomachs.

        Motra sugar from Mr.

        Kugler, he van Daans, because Mrs. van D.

        didnt receive any on     of b you eful versations and tears whey bore us even more?

        Mot likely to e true any time soon: not to o see Mr. van Daans face for t odds s. Or    roke of bad luck? At mealtime, er of t and leaves t of us to do , I lose my appetite and feel like jumping to my feet, knog    the door.

        Are most people so stingy and selfis into ure since I came    Ive . Peter says the same.

        to go oe our quarrels and our longing for freedom and fresry to make t of our stay here.

        Im preac I also believe t if I live urn into a dried-up old beanstalk. And all I really    is to be an -to-goodeenager!

        Yours, Anne

        EDNESDAY EVENING, JANUARY 19, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        I (t knoig    Peter again last nig rate mine, but t quite as beautiful as t.

        You kno I alo be jealous of Margots relationsher.

        t a tray jealousy left noill feel    o t;I t blame you for being talk so muc ts,

        but you dont kno t t; I long for more tion, more t it ao be so preoccupied    I, o be good and kind, five t? I five Motoo, but every time sic remark or laug me, its all I    do to trol myself.

        I know Im far from being w I should; will I ever be?

        Anne Frank

        P.S. Fatold you about ty, from t    at t t.

        SAtURDAY, JANUARY 22, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        you tell me le trust in one anot be a reason, but sometimes I ts    you t ever fide in anyone, not even t to you.

        It seems as if Ive gro I    dream, as if Ive beore indepe. Youll be amazed    even my attitude toopped looking at all ts from my familys biased point of vie, if sions. Mrs. van Daan is by no means a    s could    been so o deal ime t onto a tricky subject. Mrs. van Daan does , talk to ingy and under s provoke actic doesnt ime, but if youre patient, you    keep trying and see .

        All ts about our upbringing, about not pampering c t everytely everyt aken a different turn if erms instead of al side.

        I knoly o say, Kitty.

        "But, Anne, are to put up airs? From you, wices?”

        A to take a fres t just ape my parents, as in t;tree." I    to reexamis true and    of proportion. If I ed in t if not, I    try to ctitude.

        And if t doesnt ick . Ill take every opportunity to speak openly to Mrs. van D. about our many differences and not be afraid -- despite my reputation as a smart aleck -- to offer my impartial opinion. I    say anytive about my o doesnt mean I    defend today, my gossiping is a t.

        Up to noely vi tirely to blame for t no ter    intelligent people (suto o deal hers.

        I    at least a tousig Ill find an occasion to put it to good use.

        Yours, Anne

        MONDAY, JANUARY 24, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        A very strao me. (Actually, "; isnt quite t word.)

        Before I came     scalked about sex, tive or disgusting. Any    in ten laug. t struck me as odd, and I often    t. But because I couldnt ctle as possible or asked my girlfriends for information.

        After Id learned quite a lot, Moto me, "Anne, let me give you some good adviever discuss t up, dont anshem.”

        I still remember my exact reply. "No, of course not," I exclaimed. "Imagine!" And nothing more was said.

        iold me about t from books or tions.

        Peter van Daan    ever as obnoxious about t as t sce or t trying to get me to talk.

        Mrs. van Daan oold us sters er, and as far as sly s even know er knew or w ion.

        Yesterday, er and I atoes, tion someuro Boc;ere still not sure w; I asked.

        Yes .”

        I began to laug;Some tomcat if .”

        Peter and Margot joined in ter. You see, a monter informed us t Boco tens before long, because omac tummy turned out to be due to a bun bones. No kittens o be born.

        Peter felt called upon to defend    my accusation. "e    one day, and I could definitely see it was a he. “

        Uo restrain my curiosity, I    o t receiving visitors at t . e ed for a    cold,    back upstairs.

        Later t afternoon I er go doairs for time. I mustered to    able, playing er, o put he scale and weigh him.

        " to ; it any preliminaries, , turned ly he lesson.

        "tray s his backside.”

        t flipped ood up on tle .

        If any oted out t;male sexual an" to me, I er    on talking in a normal voice about . Nor did erior motives. By time    so muc ease t I started ag normally too. e played ime, cted a bit and finally sauo t;ere you there when Mouschi was fixed?”

        "Yea doesnt take long. t aic, of course.”

        "Do take somet?”

        "No, t just snips tube. to see on tside.”

        I o get up my o ask a question, si    as "normal" as I t.

        "Peter, tsteil means sexual an, doesnt it? But t names.”

        "I kno.”

        "t I kno I dont knos called in males.”

        "O; I said. "o kno of time you just e across t.”

        "? Ill ask my parents. theyve had more experience.”

        e airs, so nothing more was said.

        Yes, it really did alked to a girl about tone of voice. Im also certain t t    w boys.

        All t exactly my usual self for t of t

        back to our talk, it struck me as odd. But Ive lear least oe sex,    crag jokes.

        Is Peter really going to ask s a lot of questions? Is erday?

        O do I know?!!!

        Yours, Anne

        FRIDAY, JANUARY 28, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        I    liking for family trees and tables of royal families. Ive e to t once you begin your searco keep digging deeper and deeper into t, eresting discoveries.

        Altremely diligent o my scty mucill spend many of my Sundays s out and looking over my movie-star colle, able size. Mr. Kugler makes me er magazien refer to te of money, yet to be surprised at ely I    list tors in any given movie, even after a year. Bep, o tells me on Saturday to see, and I to rattle off tors and actresses and tly remarked ; t I    o go to ter on, because !

        I knos, tars and t.

        yle, I I    read tar Im trying to imitate. My reply, t its my oion, is greeted icism. As for t doesnt s set for ~ more t time Im so sid tired i of t I race to tore my o its normal mass of curls.

        Yours, Anne

        FRIDAY, JANUARY 28, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        t like a coil youre so fed up onous fare t you yaly wishing new.

        Sorry, I kno dull as ditcer, but imagine ired I am of uff. If talk at mealtime isnt about politics ood food, trot out stories about t    beautiful racetes extensive s, boys ened patients. It all boils doo t of us opens ory fets told, so t    is left to lauges t in our imaginations tely no c up for discussion in the Annex.

        Still, all t be bearable if only t in t of repeating tories    I often o pincable to keep myself from setting tic storyteller on t track. Little ever, ever correct tter en t tions run ahem.

        Jan and Mr. Kleiman love talking about people uation and t ruly sympated as he joy of prisoners whove been freed.

        Going underground or into ine as t used to a ter a long day at ance groups, suc fe identity cards, provide financial support to tians ws amazing hese generous and unselfish

        people do, risking to hers.

        t example of to pull us to se    to proteever tered a si be, never    oo mucrouble. tairs every day and talk to t business and politics, to t food and ime difficulties and to t books and ne on t cs for birto do hey .

        ts somet;    ts and affe.

        t bizarre stories are making t most of true. For instance, Mr. Kleimaed t a soccer matceam sisted entirely of men ion cards were issued.

        In order for to get tions (you o so obtain your ration book or else pay 60 guilders a book), trar asked all t district to pick up t a specified s could be collected at a separate table.

        All to be careful t stunts like t reache Germans.

        Yours, Anne

        SUNDAY, JANUARY 30, 1944

        My dearest Kit, Anot mind t theyre b enough.

        I still    goo t, but maybe sometime soon. Last nig doairs in ter s before. I stood at top of tairs    t on ot. My fear vanished.

        I looked up at trusted in God.

        I ense o be alone. Faticed Im not my usual self, but I t tell s bot to do is scream "Let me be, leave me alone!”

        alone more than Id like!

        Anne Frank
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