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首页安妮日记JULY, 1944

JULY, 1944

        thURSDAY, JULY 6, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        My blood runs cold alks about being a criminal or a speculator; of course,    I still he feeling hes afraid of his own weakness.

        Margot aer are alo me, "If I rength, if I had your drive and unflagging energy, could. . .

        Is it really sucrait not to let myself be influenced by ot in following my own sce?

        to be , I t imagine ;Im ; and tay t    about yourself, ;Because its muc to!" t mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too? O t be true. It t be true t people are so readily tempted by ease. . . and money. Ive given a lot of t to er to believe in    of all, to cter. I dont knorack.

        Ive often imagined    o fide everyto me. But no its reac point, I realize    it is to put yourself in someope elses s ans;easy" and "money”

        are neely alien cepts to me.

        Peters beginning to lean on me and I dont    t, not under any circumstances.

        Its anding on your o, but rue to your cer and soul, its ill.

        Ive been drifting around at sea,    days searcive antidote to t terrible ;easy."    clear to ,    o a place y, so far do o the surface again?

        ere all alive, but    know w for; were all searg for happiness;

        are different aunity to get an education and make someto    . . . . And ts somet ag t. Earning    speculating and being lazy. Laziness may look inviting, but only rue satisfa.

        I t uand people o    t isers problem either.

        doesnt oo stupid and inferior to ever ac feels to make someone else    teac religious, scoffs at Jesus d takes t Ort s me every time to see ched.

        People y to believe in a    even o live in fear of eternal punis;

        ts of purgatory,    for many people to accept, yet religion itself, any religion, keeps a person on t pat t up to revies and omatically try to do better at tart of eacer a o tion; it costs notely useful. t kno by experie "a quiet sce gives you strengt;

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        SAtURDAY, JULY 8, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Mr. Broks o get ra tion. ty and full of sand, but in large quantities. y-four crates for t very same evening    six jars and made eig m Miep started making jam for the office.

        At ty tside door es o tcer, Fatumbling up tairs. A    er from ter er, Margot"", for a bucket, all omacered tcer: ti and toget in tains and rembli. I kept t;Are    be    feels o tairs, racable. At least ts o be doing, but more o to ts. to need anot sooer    back doairs, but t er raced upstairs and s t kig our iently; traing to be rinsed, but uck to t;No running er airs -- t he drains.”

        Jan came up at oo tell us it er airs again. Ding-dong. . . t-face. I listeo anding first at t top of tairs. Finally Peter and I leaned over ter, straining our ears like a couple of burglars to airs. No unfamter tip- toed airs and called out, "Bep!”

        Once more: "Bep!"    by t in tco tc c;Go upstairs at once, Peter, tants    to leave!" It airs and closed the bookcase.

        Mr. Kugler finally came up at oy. "My gosuro stra, Jans ing tairs to get a red and w do I see? People wasrawberries!”

        t of tra evening: two jars came unsealed.

        Faturo jam. t m: t afternoon: four lids. Mr. van Daan    gotten t ee    cereal ratermilk rarara, strara strararaed or in jars, safely under lod key.

        "; Margot called out one day, "Mrs. van    us y pounds!”

        "ts nice of ; I replied. And it certainly    its so much work. . . ugh!

        "On Saturday, youve aJI got to s; Mot table.

        And sure enouger breakfast gest enamel pan appeared on table, filled to t to try removing t t once youve pulled out t, delicious and ris. But an eveer advantage is t you get nearly times as muc just the peas.

        Stripping pods is a precise aiculous job t miged to pedantitists or finicky spice experts, but its a ient teenager like me. e started    y; I sat do ten-ty, got Up again at eleven, sat do eleven-ty. My ears ring, pod in trip tring, pod in tc., etc. My eyes ring, rotten pod, green, green. to figo do, I ctered all morn- ing, saying o my    I pulled made me more certain t I never, ever,    to be just a housewife!

        At te breakfast, but from ty to one-fifteen rip pods again. opped, I felt a bit seasick, and so did til four, still in a daze because of tched peas.

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        SAtURDAY, JULY 15,1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        eve received a book from title    Do You to discuss t today.

        ter criticizes "todays yout; from o toe, t dismissing t;; On trary, s o build a bigger, better and more beautiful    t t giving a t to true beauty. In some passages I rong feeling t ter ing    me, o bare my soul to you and defend myself against ttack.

        I standirait t must be obvious to anyone ger. I    stand c across from t being biased or making excuses, c sime I open my mout;You s differently" or "ts fi is." I n myself in so many    Im beginning to realize trut;Every co raise itself." Parents    only advise t t dire. Ultimately, people sers. In addition, I face life raordinary amount of ce. I feel s and capable of bearing burdens, so young and free!    realized t means I    more easily and tore.

        But Ive talked about ten. Noo turn to ter "Fat Uand Me." My parents ten, treated me kindly, defended me against t parents . A for t time Ive felt extremely lonely, left out, ed and misuood.

        Fato curb my rebellious spirit, but it    and looking at w I was doing wrong.

        Fat me in my struggle?    o offer me a alked to me as if I    o see t truggle to triumpies ant to me thing else.

        I didnt    to    "typical adolest problems," or "ot; or "youll gro of it." I didnt    to be treated t as Anne-in-, and rim didnt uand t. Besides, I t fide in anyone uell me a lot about ttle about    get on a more intimate footing. rim als like ting im- pulses, but o me as a friend, no matter ries. As a result, Ive never slook on life or my long-po my diary and, on a ely alienated myself from him.

        I couldnt    any ot myself be guided entirely by my feelings. It istical, but Ive done    for my o, plus to aco be subjected to criticism    may sound ed, but I t take criticism from rim eit only do I never s ts    Ive pusable.

        t I t quite often:    rim annoys me so mucimes? I    o utor me, and ion seems forced. I    to be left alone, and Id ratil Im more sure of myself o ill torn    about tter I e . Os o be strong and brave in every way!

        . . .

        Still, t been my greatest disappoi. No, I t Peter muc , and not ted an image of ured , s, sensitive boy badly in need of friendso pour out my    to a living person. I ed a friend    out to do and dreo automatically developed into an intimacy t,    neous. e talked about t private t    touy . I still t make ail

        of Peter. Is    s    putting all t aside, I made one mistake: I used intimacy to get closer to    oto be loved, and I    see o like me more ime togetisfied, but just makes me    to start all ain. I never broacs I long t out into ter, more to get close to me, and no see any effective ing . I soon realized , but still tried to    of hful horizons.

        "Deep do; I read ts stu my mind. As far as I    tell, its true.

        So if youre ainly not. Older people    everytions. Its t a time royed, es,    trutid God.

        Aime in t realize t ter impa us. ere mucoo young to deal    ting til, finally, o tion, t of time our solutions crumble s difficult in times like to be crusy. Its a ical. Yet I g to till believe, in spite of everyt people are truly good at .

        Its utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of sformed into a roy us too, I feel the suffering of millions.

        A,    everytter, t ty too s pead tranquturn once more. In time, I must o my ideals. Pero realize them!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank

        FRIDAY, JULY 21, 1944

        Dearest Kitty,

        Im finally getting optimistio last, they really are!

        Great neion attempt lers life, and for o by Jes, but by a German general , but young as o "Divine Providence": unately, c.

        t proof o see ler sink into a bottomless pit, so tablisatorser a feart a ime getting rid of s muco let ts less is alloo start rebuilding ties all t muc    yet, and Id e to anticipate t. Still, youve probably noticed t Im telling trutrut trut rattling on about high ideals.

        Furtler o annouo ed people t as of today all mtapo, and t any soldier empt on t !

        A file of fis tle Jo are sore after a long marc. Jos, "You, you tried to kill take t!" One s, and ty officer ernal life (or is it eternal deatually, every time an officer sees a soldier ives an order, ically ting s, because than he does.

        ere you able to follo, or    to anot , t of going back to scober is makioo o be logical! O I just get telling you I didnt    to anticipate events? Five me, Kitty, t call me a bundle of tradis for nothing!

        Yours, Anne

        M. Frank
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