Sidd, y, and k o t for many years until no asted all of it, sucked everyt of it until ed . Dead    of. Dead . Deeply, angled in Sansara,    ao er until it is full. And full , full of misery, full of deat in ttracted .

        Passionately o kno o , to be dead. If tning-bolt to strike iger a devour fulness and sleep, and no a! as till any kind of filt soiled     itted, a dreariness of t broug still at all possible to be alive? as it possible, to breato breat, to feel o eat again, to sleep again, to sleep    exed and brougo a clusion for him?

        Sidd, time ago, oama, a ferryman ed opped, antly ood at tiredness and ever for so, to    to se dream, to spit out tale o put ao this miserable and shameful life.

        A    over t-tree; Sidd its trunk runk o ter, irely filled o let go and to droers. A friginess ed back at er, anso terrible emptiness in    for    to ao smaso    a of mogly laug vomiting o bits of ted! Let ic, tten body, t    o bits by the daemons!

        itorted face, ared into ter, saion of    at it. Iiredness, ook runk of tree and turned a bit, in order to let raigo finally drooh.

        t of remote areas of    of past times of irred up. It o ;Om",    " or "tion". And in t ; touc spirit suddenly ions.

        Sidd    o seek deat to gro by anniing    all agony of t times, all s realizations, all desperation    broug, t on by t, wered his sciousness: he became aware of himself in his misery and in his error.

        Om! o    Bra tructibility of life, kne all t is divien.

        But t, flas of t-tree, Siddruck doiredness, mumbling Om, placed    of tree and fell into a deep sleep.

        Deep ime    knoen years er quietly flo kno trees and t    it took    seemed to    ely distant, infinitely far aely meaningless.     moment    it, t life seemed to ion, like an early pre-birt self)--t , full of disgust and ded to t t by a river, under a ut-tree, o    t tly, o    seemed to ire long sleep    a loative recitation of Om, a te entering into Om, into ted.

        a , tric, t transformed, rangely ed, strangely awake, joyful and curious.

        Siddraigting opposite to ting in tion of p.    observed aken ed Buddoo, but still ures, expressed zeal, faitimidness. But    reise o find ly, ting ime and been ing for o    know him.

        "I ; said Sidd; ;

        "You ; ans;It is not good to be sleeping in su are and t ed Gotama, toget is dangerous to sleep. t to ayed be    seems, I ed to guard your sleep. Badly, I iredness    no youre a me go to catc;

        "I tc over my sleep," spoke Sidd;Youre friendly, you folloed one. No;

        "Im going, sir. May you, sir, always be in good ;

        "I t;

        Govinda made ture of a salutation and said: "Fare;

        "Fare; said Siddha.

        topped.

        "Permit me to ask, sir, from w;

        Now, Siddha smiled.

        "I knoo t ook ye ed one in tavana."

        "Youre Sidd; Govinda exclaimed loudly. No pre reise y, to see you again."

        "It also gives me joy, to see you again. Youve been t o, o;

        "Im going no to anoto teaco us, accept alms, move on. It is al you, Siddo?"

        Quot;itoo, friend, it is as it is    travelling. Im on a pilgrimage."

        Govinda spoke: "Youre saying: youre on a pilgrimage, and I believe in you. But, five me, o look like a pilgrim. Youre inguisleman, and your    a pilgrims    t;

        &qu I    said to you t I    is: Im on a pilgrimage."

        "Youre on a pilgrimage," said Govinda. "But few would go on a pilgrimage in suc suc;

        "I believe you, my dear Govinda. But nooday, youve met a pilgrim just like t. Remember, my dear: ernal is t eternal, aernal are arments and tyle of our e rigful people, for I ;

        "And no;

        "I dont kno, I dont kno just like you. Im travelling. I omorro kno;

        "Youve lost your ric;

        "Ive lost to slip aations is turning quickly, Govinda. ernal t."

        Govinda looked at time,    i, ation    on his way.

        itcill, t , in ter ment,    seemed to     able to love anybody or anything.

        itgt    eaten for times     of t time. In ted of to Kamala, o do table feats: fasting--ing--trengtaff; in ts, noting, n, nor t c fades most quickly, for sensual lust, fe. And no seemed, now he had really bee a childlike person.

        Sidd about uation. t really feel like it, but he forced himself.

        No easily perisanding    as I anding tle cies, t, I    Im no longer young, t my    my strengtarting again at to smile. Yes, e raupid. But    feed sad about t a great urge to laugo laug o laug trange, foolish world.

        "t; o    it, and as , o gla t all.    t teo droimes, a his?

        ondrous indeed ours it aken. As I boy, I o do o do icism, ation, man. But as a young man, I folloents, lived in t, suffered of    and frost, learo augo bee dead. onderfully, soon after Buddeac t I also o leave Budd kno and lear of love rading ed money, learo love my stomaco please my senses. I o spend many years losing my spirit, to unlearn tet t it just as if I urned sloour from a man into a co a c, t, t    died. But o pass tupidity, t and disappois and    to bee a co be able to start over. But it ;Yes" to it, my eyes smile to it. Ive o experience despair, Ive o sink doo t fooliss, to t of suicide, in order to be able to experience divine grace, to o be able to sleep properly and ao find Atman in me again. I o sin, to be able to live again.    my pato? It is foolis moves in loops, per is going around in a circle. Let it go as it likes, I    to to take it.

        onderfully,    joy rolling like waves in .

        ,    it e from t long, good sleep,    I    I ely fled, t I am finally free again and am standing like a c to o iful is to breatments, of spices, of e te myself for staying in terrible ured myself, o like doing so muco t Sidd t praise, t to t red against myself, to t fooliser so many years of foolis singing and !

        tened curiously to oma t times and days, pletely tasted and spit out, devoured up to t of desperation a ed money, filled omac ; for muc, e    most extreme moment, o destroy     t, and t    succumbed to it, t till alive after all, t joy, tly under urned gray.

        "It is good," , "to get a taste of everyto kno lust for t belong to t for a long time, but I , dont just kno in my memory, but in my eyes, in my , in my stomao;

        For a long time, ransformation, listeo t sang for joy.    t felt its deatime o die. as it not t o io kill in    years as a pe? as t ened, and proud self, led ed er every killing, proed joy, felt fear? as it not today o its deat, by t not due to t rust, so    fear, so full of joy?

        . too muany oo many sacrificial rules, to mucigation, so mucriving foal! Full ance, est, al, alep aual one, al or o being a priest, into to tuality, reated, t sat firmly and greing and penano t voice , t no teac about ion. to go out into to lust and poo il t and Samana in o tinue bearing t, teaclessness of a dreary and ed life up to to bitter despair, until Siddful, Siddually o die, mortal oday ha, and was full of joy.

        ts, listened o omaed gratefully to a buzzing bee. Co ter so er trongly aifully. It seemed to o tell    kno, ing eo droired, desperate Siddoday. But t a deep love for ter, and decided for    to leave it very soon.
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