t day I o it: today, today, today. A tolling bell only I could ed my soul; I felt ahday.

        Judit a card from my fat tray. A picture of floings and a note.    sig for bot    and , but w could anyone do?

        Juditer says would now… ?”

        I slid t. “Now would be fine,” I said, and picked up my pencil and pad.

        ‘er ed to knotle pale. You do enough.“

        ‘I’m fine,“ I assured .

        All m I struggled ion of stray art reading a ne one ime to close beers even—caugill    . All day I o distras. ts, memories, feelings, irrelevant fragments of my oion.

        Miss inter elling me about someterrupted ening to me, Miss Lea?”

        I jerked out of my reverie and fumbled for an ans moment I couldn’t old    s some at t s of tricks, gets up to all kinds of te zo looks for all ttention to t for ared at e, ed, t t co sente preseself to me.

        ‘er?“

        ‘Good Lord, ion. Of course I . have you gone mad, girl?“

        ‘Emmelihen?“

        ‘e , do ? No questions?“ And t forinized me closely. ”Are you ill?“

        ‘No, I don’t think so.“

        ‘ell, you are clearly not in yht mind for work.“

        It was a dismissal.

        Ba my room I spent an tled, plagued by myself. I sat at my desk, pencil in    did not e; felt cold and turor up, too , took my cardigan off. I’d    t er. I made cocoa and put extra sugar in it; tness ed me. A book? ould t do it? In there could help me.

        ttering against t leaped. Outside. Yes, t    just to get ahe moors.

        te    locked, I kneo open it for me. Instead, I o t point from t been opened for a long time, and I o pull tcoo be pusep, a little disside.

        I used to t I loved rain, but in fact I . teel to by all tacles t in its pat of toself. On ttered by tung my fad, beer burst against my shoulders.

        hday.

        If I    t from beairs. t au and put aside during ture.    t afternoon    office or t one lunco    in it, Love from Dad and Mot te alone. o the shop—

        I    s I    fat a dle, , ae tea, aled doo quiet digestion and cataloging.

        I kne I s    in t from me, but from my mot bear t of table e of remembrance, o made it impossible to ioo, to leave reat of a visit to toys    ones. Cakes ed of t in tin for t day.

        in my ear. e played silent card games    a splutter, could be    pain of t birtairs, pato jollity, in tairwell.

        Un. It settled like dust upon t covered everyone and everyt invaded us ook. It se miseries.

        Only because I o plate these memories.

        so er’s deat? Per to. I er    of me was a reminder of her loss.

        ould it h died?

        Stupefied, I    in front of terest in wumbled on.

        to something.

        ‘Margaret! Margaret!“

        I oo cold to be startled, too cold to make my face respond to    form t stood before me, sentlike drapes of green rainproof fabric. It moved, and two hands came down on my shoulders and gave me a shake.

        ‘Margaret!“

        It was Aurelius.

        ‘Look at you! You’re blue ook my arm and led me briskly off. My feet stumbled over til o a road, a car.    of ea.

        ‘Drink!“

        I drank. tea .

        ‘Eat!“

        I bit into t.

        In t tea aing c colder teetarted to cter and I srollably.

        ‘Goodness gracious!“ Aurelius exclaimed softly as y sandher. ”Dear me!“

        t me to my senses a little. “ are you doing here, Aurelius?”

        ‘I came to give you to ted a cake tin ts.

        Plag tin on my lap,    me as he lid.

        Inside ers, .

        I oo cold to cry. Iion of cold and cake set me talking. ords emerged from me, randomly, like objects disged by glaciers as turnal singing, a garden ers, a baby, a spoon. “And soale grandmot you see    means? ”

        Aurelius s sold me—”

        ‘So you, Aurelius! o see , sted it.“

        ‘Bless me!“ exclaimed Aurelius. ” t bro of mine? I o pretend to be a journalist, you kno t I elling o sink in, ”A spoon like mine, you say? And she house?“

        ‘S, Aurelius. And Emmeline is your mother.“

        Aurelius stopped patting my    ared out of tion of there.”

        I nodded.

        turo me. “take me to .”

        I seemed to    well.”

        ‘Ill? t take me to    delay!“

        ‘Not ill, exactly.“ o explain? ”S only her face. her mind.“

        ion, added it to ore of loss and pain, and ake me to her.”

        as it ill dictated my response? as it t t it    my oors migo do , but more signifit ted for my anso say no to    faced y of o nothing.

        I said yes.
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