I    one face-to-fa try, and telling to o follo nigairs I    tg for my son.    be safe as long as t be safe    let Edo log our doors and lat, ied my rest. to steady my sanity. False start folloart. I struggled to keep te.

        Fortunately, I ess and Edo keep me grounded. A delivery truck pulled into our cul-de-say birt ted, "Its s ; ted t I remain in til my gift could be brougo tifully plied, mad    my sons jumpy exuberand tesss sexy, knourn,    it migolen sruth ever be revealed.

        Edairs and udio. A great green boretcsey, tess presented me he scissors.

        "As mayor of ty," I intoned, "Id like my distinguiso join me in t; e cut togethe door.

        t nee, but it iful from t e ter. Edops, and I took tess aside and asked how she could afford such a luxury.

        "Ever since San Francisco," s;or maybe since Czeg to do t for sale at an old om and C us over top, you s ed you to . I knos not perfect, but—"

        "Its t gift—"

        "Dont    t. Just play t;

        "I gived my allo; Edward said.

        I embraced tigune, and t do again to time.

        Still enamored er, I returo ay and quiet urned on Sesame Street, and    to my studio to    a single s of folded paper iote affixed to t;Lets discuss!" s    esss hands.

        t door s, and for a dark moment t da to t door just as tess inco took a feo ligo tg food aicularly ed about anyts.

        from ;Did you get my note?"

        "About t t?"

        S of ; do you mean, ? You left it on tion is:    it?"

        "In C;

        "C    o iigate t;

        total silence gave me away.

        "ere you t jealous of Brian? Because ly, ts a little crazy, dont you t;

        "Not jealous, tess. e o be trying to race ree. Find ;

        S and    to t;ts incredible. alk to Brian Ungerland?"

        "t ory, tess. I ran into    Oscars op by tional Ard t maybe ;

        " believe a ;

        I stepped too enfold e to end tion. "tess, Ive alold you trut;

        "But    go ask ;

        " know ;

        "Everyone    oill does, I tell ;

        "But I looked ;

        "Youre kidding." S;S me till o talk about t crazy old man all time." Giving up, saircase.

        "Gustav?" I sed after her.

        S;No, no ...Joe. Crazy Joe Ungerland is Brians grandfat family, even t;

        "Are you sure    talking about Gustav Ungerland?"

        "Im going to start calling you Crazy    terested, all Brians mot; At top of tairs, s;Its s you    you o ." S free my ;tell t;

        Buried to ared straig blinking, and time I passed o a tree trunk nearby, and dismembered arms and legs poked up at odd angles from t tring tied to a cated in tuffed into ticipating Saturdays postman. terminds beopped t of t t catatonic as I he sidewalk.

        " you girls o be lost," I said from ttom step. tective arm across ers shoulder.

        "Is your mommy or daddy ;

        "Its ed," said ter. S teeth a lisp.

        "Scer." ter may en, stick-t c ; to go see a cer?"

        I put one foot on t step. "Because Im a goblin."

        to ear. ter directed me to look for a turn before t street er, a    ;Its called Asterisk ay," s;because its too small to ;

        "Are you going to gobble ; the smaller one asked.

        "Im going to gobble    out t and make yourself a skeleton." turned and looked at eacher, smiling gleefully.

        An invasion of sumad roerisk ay. o scrape    out and ered along te, and last on t    of me, rag across tled t ttle sisters    t in ttled me. I reaced t dark place, but    door.

        A e ood tall a in t and searco ;rouble finding t; Ne;

        Mrs. Blake    put ot at ease. to gain tervierag does ed over a lun Brian, , and I attempted to steer tion around to my ulterior motive.

        "So, Mrs. Ungerland ..."

        "Call me Eileen. I    been Mrs. Ungerland for years. Not since my first unate Mr. Blake met range act c;

        "A cually ... Im so sorry, Eileen. About bot;

        "ell, you s be. I married Mr. Blake for    ; Sed to emple hin finger.

        "I    to Catary sc Brian in nint was ;

        ened, and sood up so quickly t I t sopple over. "ould you like to see pictures?"

        At every stage of o Edures, posture, even te    on tion increased h each image.

        "Briao tell me pretty ories," I said. "About t;

        "Did ell you about Opa Josef? ill a baby w I remember ;

        "t?"

        S ba ing t;It is a sad, sad story, t family."

        "Sad? In ;

        "t married, ages ago. e kept tic. O y, maybe one    and rave about t    t, as if someto get tering about av, claiming t    really    all and t tav olen aer. If I remember, ter died on t pluo grief. And till imagining spirits after all t;

        to feel unusually omac.

        "Let me t kno t Gettysburg. But til y, and t brot one. Suc;

        "Idiot?    do you mean, idiot?"

        "ts not    no back ts    on and on about    it rick of t t savant. Gustav    aremely introverted. Maybe istic, if t;

        to my o feel faint.

        "Or maybe rung. But after t opped playing tely    of o be an old nun too. t mad opped playing tarted to let t drift rig out to see    titution, poor dear. You could tell    Lord only knoo live in tle     1934, I t ;

        S over to album and flipped to t of ted to a middle-aged man in a gray fedora. "ts crazy Joes son.    a girl." ted to a ;Gustav." For a brief moment, I t t    tograpion at all. Bec;La belle dame sans merci. Gone ime, but    not fet ting oday, ;

        "But," I stammered, "but o go on after so mue?"

        "t all of us do. t I    on after losing t, you o let go of t, son. Be open to life to e. Ba ties, o talk about going off to find o say, ill I ever knoo be? Sus beg straig you t;

        I felt faint, paralyzed, destroyed. I cra t door, all to bed. If ed quickly in tory.

        to rouse me from deep slumber t m, tess fixed a pot of    coffee and a late breakfast of eggs and biscuits, av as an idiot savant. too many gs in ttic. e sat on tions of teo read, but my mind rying to sort ties, ed    of tion of maddening iy.

        tess stood and peered doreet bot sa;I t stand it," s;Im going iil t off.    I fres;

        "Al; I smiled and    reet, in t of Sunday m, ter, beed o opped ly at me for an instant. retcures    and s. From doed a bony finger rig me, and turned oo late to see tures disappeared, ted, settled ba their s.

        "Did you figure out ion ?"

        "t;

        "t;

        "I dont kno; I took a sip. "Little monsters."

        "Monsters?"

        "t you smell t ran over a skunk."

        " are you talking about? I dont smell a t;

        "I dont kno teria, a figment of t? A couple of kids."

        S ;Are you feeling okay,    seem yourself today."

        "Im not," I said. "Maybe I so bed."

        As I drifted off to sleep, ted my dreams. A doze out of tepping out from beree. t on ing, a band of orapped inside, I raced from floor to floor and looked out tains as tly marco Eddies room, and o ers begin to climb up turo me, menad red in ttered in otting tle cresdo. I looked into tion morpo my fatav. Beures rose and reac its clao    around my neck.

        tess sat on t, and t ter t;Youve s okay, its okay." I buried my fa    and sroked my il I gained my full senses. For a moment, I did not know w know who I was now or ever.

        ";

        Sion. "At my mot you remember? s ;

        I shivered in her embrace.

        "as it t mean old Mrs. Ungerland? You o trate on ant and stop cer . Dont you knos you I love. And always ;

        Everyooo dire to fess to friend or lover, priest or psycrist, too ent to excise    o ig; ot deep and lug it unspoken to t so    even times fets t exists. I do not    to lose our c    to lose tess. My fear of being found out as a ced by tess    of t of my life.

        After rue story of Gustav, it is no    I remembered so little from t been stolen, I    our er in California    and a reminder of all t    stake.

        started seeing ttributed it to tress of disc my past. tions, nig of my imagination, but tures s taunting me: an e peel on table; an open bottle of beer on top of television; cigarette butts burning in t missing. My ced piano tropateition. Pograpters, books. I o t doairs and found a baked en oop. Furniture t    been moved in ages suddenly appeared o open    my mot tramping on t outside to iigate. ty minutes later, time, one of t e in our backyard.    outside to catc, ture less, and I ed only for to go a peace.

        Someto be done about my old friends.
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