"ter never breat; t t I fouo be true.    alive and at one ess and Eded tudio to ion and at t;You ; Over t eal, regeing it stantly from to fess, seeking to craft a texture t o explain. I felt t if s ory in tess and and five. In my studio, I could take refuge at tains to feel safe and whe music.

        By time, I ra—a impani from egie-Mellon, a feo perform t ed. After Edess took    to o give me time alone in to finis a crapped in    out of ion, living in ternal life locked to all unication side reality.

        After struggling for years to find t stolen c across tes on taves a marvel of matical beauty and precision. tories told at time—ter erpoint. My met to juxtapose eacs double, for t is not reality. Sometimes our ts and dreams are more real t of our experience, and at ots t o e fast enougo capture tes t floing as amanuensis. I    to fully transcribe to assign all of trumentation—tasks t migake monto perfect—but tial process of setting doed, as if in a s relentless logic, strao to me e all along.

        At five oclock t afternoon,    and , I    to tctle of beer, and drank it on tairs. My plan , ty spaces ivity and aplis. Moments after stepping into t sairs. it turning off ter, I stepped out, o, and o iigate. One of tains. , I stood til a sudden discordant ened me, as if a cat , but tudio y and silent. I took a long look around.

        t on table , not fallen to t any tary page fluttered across t to see. ubbed my toe on t on a piece of glass,    teps to t mig my manuscript. My bedroom y. In our sons room anot no glass littered t ttered from t. to clear my    for a moment on t for tion, and ts of Edess filled me    it, rue nature? I pulled at my    ill my scalp acoget o unravel.

        In team billo into tumbled to s off ter. On t mirror, someone . Copied above, note for note,    measure of my score.

        "You little fuckers," I said to myself as the mirror.

        After a restless and lonesome nigo my mot immediately ans s still be asleep, and    over to to look in. From tding to her.

        "Doors never locked," s; brings you ;

        "Good m. t a guy e and see    girl?"

        "O I fry you a couple of eggs?" S tove, and I sat at tcable, its surface pocked    from dropped pots and pans, nicked by knives, and lined    impressions of letters ten t stirred memories of our first breakfast together.

        "Sorry I ; s;I ying up loose ends. Is everyt ;

        I empted to tell    ook atle German boy snatcale of tolen score. But soo care tory . ell someo least provisionally, of my past errors and t to it.

        "Ive been under a lot of pressure lately. Seeing t truly myself. Like Im being follo;

        "Folloroubles is ty sce."

        "ed. And Ive got to sort it out."

        "o my prayers. And o sing you to sleep every rying to sing along    you could never carry a tu certainly co you t nig;

        "It is like tc;

        "Dont believe in fairy tales. trouble is inside, ; Sted my ;A mot;

        ";

        "; Sed    my cure from my ced. "You are uring yourself ions. Little devils." S ered ;    tmares out of your ;

        I stood to go, t and kissed reated me kindly over the years, as if I had been her own son.

        "Ive known all along, ; she said.

        I left t asking.

        I resolved to front t io flus ters, I o t Service provided topograping iculous detail, and I laid a grid over to manageable plats. For te my loat and my aversion to nature, I explored a feier te flag of one deer running atle flies. Not muc plenty of junk—a sattered er; a small mound of empty cigarette packages; a teen; a tortoisesones; a stopped camped Property Of ty Library.

        Aside from t on its cover and t musty odor to its pages, tact. tory revolved around a religious fanatiamed tarer or tearer. I gave up reading novels in cificial ruts struct elaborate lies to t could be kno t be just teen-year-old , so I took it back to tually nobody    midsummer day, except for a cute girl beer.

        "I found t belongs to you."

        S t    treasure, brus;Just a minute." Sack of stamped cards. "t t been c at all. Did you fet?"

        "No," I explained. "I found it, ao return it to tful o;

        "Maybe I    ;    poked me in the ribs.

        I leaned close and smiled at ;Do you ;

        S. ";

        "Or fairies. Imps, trolls, sprites, c sort of t;

        t me as if I ;You s lean on t. talical by subject, title, or aut;

        Ratcuts to useful information, one searot, t ed in forty-titles, of    t searco goblins and urn branco abnormal psycism. Lunc lig a nearby venieore I bougtle of pop, and I sat on a bency playground, plating task before me. to knoen. In tless sunser y sunburn on one arm and t side of my face. From tared a person divided in t tried to keep my profile two-dimensional.

        My dream returned in full detail t nigess and I spoke quietly on t in to ter. As wallflowers: Jimmy Cummings, Oscar Love, Uncle Che librarians in bikinis.

        "; seased. "Still cers?"

        "tess, its not funny."

        "Im sorry, but no one else    see t. Only you."

        "But t if t;

        "t    Eddie. t you." Sood up, tugged at ttom of , and jumped in ter er felt, and frog-kicked my o tess so me, reamlined and graceful, and    opped and stood, ter ran off ing like a curtain to reveal not    all, but a ening. I blancarily; t back again to ;s tter, love? Dont you kno;

        I    back to ted for a feitles, and sat do a er table. tually every particular and er tion. Nobody e accurately about ts and s,    person o make t one single    o get rid of uned visitors. Or o protect your    tales, I became ive to tillness of my surroundings, jarred by t peed t first to be tron languidly turning pages, or one of t of side for a smoke. Soon every minute sound intensified in t.

        Someone breating from an ierminate dire. Later I e librarian, s    t pen rag across a pad of paper. t evening, someone began singing tunelessly to o a spｗｗ in tion. Not a soul around, I lay doo t carpet, catail. Carefully cut and nearly indisible, a carpet square o t, c a panel or c open, but tartled me by clearing . itood up, mumbled an apology, and    bay er. vi someto catcalk.

        m, my books itles scrambled out of alpical order and all my bookmarks missing. t of teo read, ening for any noises from beloo tion. t square ly raised above tapped on t a ed beoiled beloricks to furt red-led beood, stamped do a a word.

        t boy made me anxious, so I    out and stayed on til ticed me on t, but surned aended not to care. Alone again, I searco t    entrarip around tairs,    tion like a baby being born and stood t, blinking in t. Afraid t    attack me, I looked left and rige. ly at me, as if to seize my t in ed a for me to see    t w was. A    keep from laughing.

        Nervous for    my mot.    upstairs, I crept t knife, an iron cr rope. From tole my fat kerosene camping lamp, its o touctered o lig it came to life and suffused ted er hly glow.

        Insomnia gripped me t feil t bad memorized t of t step by step o do. Patienearly deserted me. t    about my business as if not t remarkable ced savants ics or anotract system. I ory of av Ungerland and to me.

        But more tion, I simply and desperately ed my symp e a note kno op me from making urn t, or steal it back if need be. By no I ted to rest my life.

        Unmistakable irred beied, I napped in t seat of my car. Sultry August    poured in tears    s nap ook out tools, and skulked over to telling    in a tounnels, tc t to tion. Anxious, I spent tctempting to ligern. t last caug g to my sy back, and t. it a square and sa it op a small trapdoor, easily pried open    square separated our two worlds.

        Ligered up from belores and books, bottles and dis douck my criking snake,    of mine, not ince, for ly as I ion in an old mirror.    no substance, and    move but stared back silently    blinking, ion, as if oo, ing for t and for it all to be over.

        togeto men, and men dream of took measure of t nigaken, and all at once my long-ern ring bit into my fingers, and my left eye tsion. t time I regretted av. For tess and ion but t of my oerrible to o such a boy.

        "Im sorry," I said, and ed as I stared at to be.    in t brief moment     it go. A kind of eupook a deep breat myself again.

        "ait," I called out to    turned and slid feet first t. ticipated, and I bumped my ood. tto    a murky sern to better see.    for t ansions. I ed noto talk to ive and be fiven. "Im not going to    you," I cried out in tling free of t and t knife on ty lantern creaked in my    s the room.

        me like a trapped fox. rembled as I approag, searc illumiacks of paper and books. At , tied in a strand of tten pages sat o my purloined score. My music had survived.

        "t you uand me?" I    my o ;I    to talk to you."

        t eyeing te er as if someone or someting turo look,    me, knog into ted tering tone s and papers ig once, and I snatg it against my leg to extinguiso trance. As if fixed to t, ood gazing up in amazement, and just before climbing out of time: ";

        o me and smiled, t could not be uood. By time I got upstairs, a fog of smoke rose t follo as to lick tacks of books.

        After tess saved me. Distraug tru of tion    my fault, altted tories and fairy tales to see tmares and daydreams, to transfigure t not being able to remain children forever.

        tess and Ed seems I ed my spate of frequent visits and "erratic be; tern in t to link bae ed my feeble explanations, and tle    e clearly    any proof, tter faded. tigation, as far as I knoo local lore, as if t into flames.

        ess and Eded er t times    over y, I searco tell ruty.

        "I feel responsible, in part," tess told me over dinner. "And    rebuilding." Over our lamb ed a plan to raise money for tails arrived in suc I kneess emplating tter siurn. "ell start a book drive, too, and you    make your cert a be for t;

        Stunned and relieved, I could raise no obje, and over t s of activity overag tudio and garage.    age became a beeentioantly o op of t interrupted our peace. An artist came by to ser designs for t. Advaickets urday m, Leo install it in ts a udents and tructed it measure by measure. t me too exed to sider my flicted emotions. S up in tion tess ed, I could only truly fun by trating on te for the performance drew near.

        From tco t premiere of tolen ige October. Since I ors baton to Oscar Love, and our old Coverboys drummer Jimmy Cummings impani. Oscar ed a tuxedo for t oo respectable versions of our former selves. A feeac toget remaining nuns from rade sded. Ebullient as ever, my sisters s t me as if to impart a dose of    fidence. I    surprised to see Eileen Blake escorted by o. ary frig tudied ionally er all, and takes after    but appearaamed, and dressed up in    suit and tie, Edoget bot over ty of cess could not stop grinning t crooked smile of fully so, for to e long ago was nearly hers.

        to let in some fresumn nigs    breeze crossed tar and tio tics, and my back o t of tra as ook our positions; from tapped and teon.

        From t notes, I ermio tell tory of olen and replaced by someone else, a bot. In place of tand separation from tion tilled, ant, and I could feel ted to t isfy myself. ture teased out ts: a, lamentation, and redemption, and at t ook up to to indicate t    save. And as Oscar erplay, I saed to our music. As tempo slo, I took more co g us.

        ening ily to t, I sao us    myself in its flo, I    strange fa t    me alone in t return.

        t notes of tomped for us. urned from to t one of tess ed Edo o join in joyful bravos, and caug must be done.

        By ing tess, I ask for your fiveness so t I mig all to you. Musie part of t tep is truto uand and accept t no matter    too late. My years of struggle to bee ory. Fag to face myself. As I let go t, t let go of me.

        tole me aime in t among time to return came at last, I accepted tural order. e found t to ask    perooo reacime, and he has bee someone else, someone new. he is gone, and now I am henry Day.
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