tAINS t US by a man en used eppenroductory remarks may be open to question. I, o teppeno rey recolles of I knole enoug life and ins I kno all. Yet t by y e of all, a deep and sympatie.
Some years ago teppen to inquire for a furnisook tti on top floor and t it, returned a day or ter runks and a big case of books and stayed nine or ten montly, and but for t t our bedrooms door to eacers on tairs and in tically unacquainted. For a sociable man. Indeed, o a degree I , as eppes, a strange, of ion ainy ainy, I certainly did not knoil I read t be, before t, from our occasional talks and enters, I became gradually acquairait in antial agreement e o our personal acquaintance had given me.
By c t ered our time and became my aunts lodger. noon. table been cleared and I still o tten ting impressions t enter. rung t asked of t ed. teppenher made any answer or announced his name.
"O smells good ; t smiled too. For my part, I found tter of introdug favorably impressed.
"; said ;Ive e about to let."
I did not get a good look at il o top floor. t very big, able er overcoat and reak of grey. at all like at first. t it t did not go riking profile nor one of er, I found out t ired t time equally unpleasant to me—emplated tairs, tall old cupboards on taircase. All to please and at time to amuse oget of an alie per all very ctle odd. I ot deny t e, even friendly. ond obje to terms for lodging and breakfast and so fort about to tile atmospook too, listetentively and amiably to all old about ting, ter, to everyt oo pay a sum in advand yet time to be outside it all, to find it ic to be doing as to take it seriously. It o be renting a room and talking to people in German. Suly not been revised and corrected by many small instances. Above all, , in spite of t alert, tful, strongly marked and ellectual. And to recile me furte and friendly manner, o cost e pretension; on trary, t touc. tion of it I found later, but it disposed me at on his favor.
Before o ts, my lunco go back to business. I took my leave a o my aunt. back at nigold me t aken t be notified to tate of ies and tanding about in official ing rooms more tolerate. I remember very giving in to ipulation. to me to agree only too erious and alien air truck me as suspicious. I explaio my aunt t s not on any at to put ion for a plete stranger; it migurn out to sequences for it t t my aunt ed , and, indeed, ogetivated and ge gentleman. For sook a lodger trive to stand in some like or, ration; and many a one on; I to find every time ook .
As I at all pleased about ting to notify ted at least to kno about sort of family entions ayed a s at noon. old of spending some montoo avail o see its antiquities. I may say it did not please my aunt t aking t a time, but e e of ing , t and my objes came too late.
" it smelt so good ; I asked.
"I kno;t and respectability. It t pleased used to t of late and missed it."
Just so, t I to myself.
"But," I said aloud, "if be isnt used to an orderly and respectable life, o every;
"e s; s it at t.
And in t my fears proved groundless. tainly did not live a very orderly or rational life, rouble to us. Yet my aunt and I bot about by a long en dream of nigence of suc to like urbing and disquieting effee.
ter trangers luggage— in by a porter. runk, runk t sraveled far—at least it ered els and travel agencies of various tries, some overseas.
time began during ed range man. At first I did noto ence it. Alterested me from t I saeps for t to run across o get into versation I did, all t, keep ion a little, and also into and my curiosity drove me to do a little spy work.
I of teppen gla, an unon, and unusually gifted man. ellectual, and te and mobile play of ures reflected a soul of extremely emotional and unusually delicate sensibility. o alionalities and said personal and individual t came out of . more tters of tellect calm objectivity, t certainty of t and knoual men o grind, alk oto appear al.
I remember an instance of t days ing glance I mean. It orium. I eppeno attend it, t first tle desire to do so. e toget o eacure urer asded tform and began ed a sort of prop, ed by ed air. And ion, to say a fetering to ttendan suceppenicized bottable and frig did not simply criticize turer, anniing ts delicate but crus of it. It terly and veyed a quiet despair, born partly of vi, partly of a mode of t only unmasked ted lecturer and dismissed s irony tter at ant attitude of t presumptuous title under eppenivity, trife, ty, ted intellectuality. And alas! t still deeper, far belos, defects and ime, our intellect, our culture alo rigo t of all y, it bespoke eloquently in a single sed t said: "See once all renoelligence, all ttais of t, all progress to and trick!
itrary to my actual plan and iion, already veyed to me; ance h him.
No I ime to say a little more about ;strangeness" and to tell iail rangeness, traordinary and frig ter so, for I y as far as possible in t to put doo tell a story or to e an essay on psyc simply as an eyeo tribute someto ture of t teppen behind him.
At t sigo my aunts oonis natural rea ed (and my aunt, ual person, suspected very muced t t in some or cer, and I sinct of time replaced by a sympaty for one ime I oo, t tion due to as of nature, but rato a profusion of gifts and potaio in tzsced ive genius a boundless and frigy for pain. I sa time t t of empt but self-pt; for annie institutions and persons in alk and foremost t , and foremost wed and despised.
And refrain from a psy. Alttle of teppen up by devoted but severe and very pious parents and teac doe t makes tone of education and upbringing. But i to destroy ty and to break t succeed. o and oo proud and spirited. Instead of destroying y teaco e , i and noble as ed during ; and in so far as loose upon icism, every anger and e e of all, a real and a real martyr. As for ot endeavor to love to be just to to do tred of love of ones neig possible love of oneself, and t self-e is really tion and despair.
It is noime, o put my os aside and to get to facts. I first discovered about ly tly from my aunts remarks, ed s and ical calling. e in bed. Often up muc across from o ting room in ting room, a large and fortable atti er a fe at all tenants. It filled up more and more as time on. Pictures imes illustrations cut out from magazines and often cograptle German try toly ly painted er colors, y young o be replaced first by Miig; trait of Mama Gandable, on tty old bureau, on t on tes slipped into tinually tly increased, for besides bringing . t of t o t testify as umps and as t of a scure. ty s of all times and peoples. For a long e le Sop to Saxony—a ter part of teentury. A plete edition of Goetenberg ion. A feoievski bristled able among ten a vase of flooo, a paint box, generally full of dust, reposed among flakes of cigar aso leave not) sundry bottles of ratle usually taining Italian red le sen, too, a bottle of Burgundy as bottle of Cied in a very brief space—after o collect t furtion of its tents. I pretend to justify t all tellectual curiosity, but t first rust. I am not only a middle-class man, living a regular life, fond of uality; I am also an abstainer and nonsmoker, and ttles in of istic disorder.
as irregular and irresponsible about imes as go out at all and imes my aunt found not a banao s ook aurants, sometimes in t and most fasimes in little out-lying taverns. seem good. Besides t often made tairs fatiguing to o be plagued roubles, and o me t it it do and last to er on, I apanied imes to s I often saher I nor anyone else ever saw him really drunk.
I ten our first enter. e kneonis found ed on t and sed floors. ting on top step and o one side to let me pass. I asked and offered to take o top.
me and I could see t I rance. Slo en filled my y. ted me to sit beside said it my to sit on tairs at other peoples doors.
"A; ;Youre quite rig a moment, for I really must tell you ."
ed as o trance of t floor flat, fl betairs, t door tood a tall cupboard of maer on it, and in front of ts, an azalea and an araucaria, in large pots ands. ts looked very pretty and spotlessly and , as I en noticed h pleasure.
"Look at ttle vestibule," on, "s ime I t go by pausing a moment. At your aunts too, treme liness, but ttle place of ts so sed and polis it positively glitters. I alake a deep breat as I go by. Dont you smell it too, a fragrance given off by t iogets—tness aiculousness, of duty aion stle t kno be a paradise of liness and spotless mediocrity, of ordered ou to lifes little s and tasks.
"Do not, please, t," on I speak for t t is true t I live myself in anot eo live a single day in a teppenill Im too s and took care to and tidy as ever s. All t is brougo me by turpentine and by t do little garden of order and rejoice t sucill are."
ed to get up, but found it difficult; and repulse me I submitted just as my aunt o a certain ge man could sometimes exercise. e sloairs toget ;Youve e from business? ell, of course, I knotle of all t. I live a bit to one side, on t you too, I believe, i yourself in books and sucters. Your aunt told me one day t you you? It would delig;
ook me into strongly of tobacco, and took out a book from one of turhe passage.
"too, very good," ;listen to tate. Fine! Eigzsc t is not tence I meant. ait a moment, . t men so. Is not t ty? Naturally, t s for ter. And naturally t t for t. Yes, and s more, , but ered ter all t;
erested; and I stayed on a s en talked airs or i. On suc first t it so. for me, just as ion, er, edness, t a glimpse nouality, for example, t kept me to my office fall by a servant or tramor—acted on erally as a stimulus in t arousing first all to me a ridiculous exaggeration, tation of a gentleman of leisure, a playful seality. But I came to see more and more t from ty spaces of ually really admired and loved our little beois ever remain far and unattainable, o took off to our cime ; and le occasion to talk to o draention, it migo some mending of o on , eo attention and sequence, as t reme and desperate effort t o our little peaceful here, if only for an hour.
During t very first versation, about tepperanged and disturbed me a little. an expression! om did not only recile me to it, but soon I of oday on a better description of eppes t its rayed into toriking image could not be found for lessness, his homesiess, his homelessness.
I o observe a Symp, some teppen absorbed in s, paying attentioo to tager, eyes and a cold but troubled expression ole symper a feranger began to smile and abandon o tely absorbed in ten minutes so and rapt in pleasant dreams t I paid more attention to o t to go; but after all and piece too. It ions by Reger, a position t many found ratiresome. teppenoo, made up o listen, o s and sank once more into s, not sadly and finally irritated. and grey. t in it ed.
I sa i and er, but stopped in front of a small old-faser looking irresolutely at time, in. I obeyed a momentary impulse and follo a table in ted by ess and ress as a . Greeting oo, I took my seat beside ter, ed for a pint of red I o t, but folloopic. tle and asked , the old helpless expression came over his face.
"Youre quite rig; ;I ised abstinence myself for years, and ime of fasting, too, but ion."
And took up seemed to me t rology, ly resumed too polite tone ;You are rigunately, I ot believe in t sce eit;
I took my leave and . It e before ep ead of going straigo bed, ayed up an ting room, as I from my neighb room could hear plainly enough.
t fotten. My aunt and I ood a young and very pretty , talking and laugogetonis t ty and elegant; and all my jectures about once more. But before an airs read. For ly to and fro in ting room, exactly like a s cage. t, nearly until da in all about to add. O reets of too see an even cimes. It explaio me, also tion my aunt day, too, c time before, tle of Italian in airs. It grieved me. a fortless, w a forlorn and sless life he led!
And noeppenence. But all t believe t ook er paying all a oters t came for er . not . It ten during time it o say t I mig I liked .
It in my poo verify truted in . I t t part fictitious, not, rary iion. tual eveo express by giving tangible experiely fantastic occurrences in ion e presumably from ter period of ay t even t t time uest did in fact alter very muc a great deal, for imes; and ouc t time I imes, indeed, ively mean t a neely. All day long t time tremely violent, I may even say brutal, quarrel occurred s pardon for days after.
No, I am sure taken ill alive, and se ares some floors and carefully tended araucarias, sits for days in libraries and nigaverns, or lying oo t killed ill tells o drink tful suffering in to t it is of t die. I ten. made life lig t of f strengtrary! But I am not a solid one, filled ies. And so ionately, my aunt and I. So say of t lies buried in .
And no o tly diseased, partly beautiful, and tful fantasies, I must fess t if to my kainly . But oo my acquaintane extent, to uand to appreciate tate to s ted case of a diseased temperament. But I see somet of times, for tricity of a single individual, but times t geion to by no means attacks t, ratro in spirit and ri gifts.
ttle of real life may lie at t an attempt to disguise or to palliate times. ttempt to present tself in its actual maion. terally, a jourimes fearful, sometimes ceous jouraken ermination to go to to give battle to co suffer torture to the full.
A remark of o terpretation. o me oent. A man of test t-day life as someture, every and tradition s os ts beauties and ugliness; accepts certain sufferings as matters of course, puts up patiently ain evils. o real suffering, to ures and religions overlap. A man of to live in medieval times e miserably just as a savage does in t of our civilisation. Noimes it loses all poo uand itself and andard, no security, no simple acquiesaturally, every one does not feel trongly. A nature suczsco suffer our present ills more tion in advance. o go tood, today."
I often o to t bety and simple acquiesce. o te it is to live tiny eo tcorture, a personal hell.
t seems to me, lies to publis, I every reader do as his sce bids him.
hARRY
hALLERS
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