tion by Doris Lessing July 7, 1997

        “Look at    say anything, and I go on looking.”

        “ does    en does, as if    of somether.

        “takes Mary captive, and time it seems to reverberate rigo be remembering somets smiling.

        om, s as if so return to Englairely fn ground to ives in t unity in Camden torios, and ser in too, ives in London. Noaurant called ts; and ends to aurant soon.    Dmitri’s, because Dmitri is om.

        toget noo Primrose    on a bene s, and some ms it is quite a little female unity, but aurants, and on ten gratulates    s c brougo be art singing, and u dang, even on tables. S not o Greece t summer, migo Demetrios    pressure on.

        On ted aless and sits in front of ey,    of ri calls tle blackberry. But s if it    for ttle bottles of st, ticks, t, and tries out expressions. Ss a long unsmiling unblinking stare on ens . Ss o see t stare on    fails, because    is putting it mildly. Because of sometri said, Mary actually    to t a y, aarted a tle girls    Betty or Joan. old Mary t Mary    Mary said s really intion.

        And o try out    staring orios? t is trouble. Mary is full of an unfortable dissatisfa ion against     sented because s to start a family, particularly no om and    Mary says, “No, Dmitri, let’s    a bit, o    sake’s . And , is sly t baby    of t it like a present someone o s to take it. Dmitri says t junk into t eyes at sucs thrill Mary and remind her of earlier days.

        So om to you noly uood and said,     s fasating life Mary oo muderstand, “Of course,     tarted toget Mary at first t actless,” and said, “You don’t uand sometid ts. But w his wife.”

        t to ándros, Demetrios courted ed soaps and ces, and iful and , and one nig tears, too. Mary kne    o    made    t rios, t feeling. And sc oo,    summer, tom, about om liked    love her.

        A likely story, to tom. , not bad-looking. “ surely s sometimes find him b?

        But did Dmitri still love Mary?

        t nigo,” trying to make easing and taunting, but s succeeded. Soo. ed a divorce. “’s     o reply if urned     did    glare on tered somet oo, but preteo be asleep.

        m    sig    it urday, and t nig to drink in t taurant er, but it imes resses ra for tings or came to admire tom’s arm and kneo make love te t rios and Mary got o    going to not feel like it tonig made it easy for o say, “I mig not,” but in bed    oacked ried to plain to    it     to bot so give me a kid?” ering:    a t been groaning into c a baby. No in ten years.”

        m s say one    breakfast.    notice. aking ime oast and t o be at taurant until eleven. t part of t to alked or didn’t talk, aimes    back to bed. S    love     until t t , and ed     on , using tare siced before t t . . . ?” S sat in front of ared. It    sed “Bitc    off to work.

        Mary sat side a pub, in t, I don’t really mind a baby, I suppose. I’ll leave off t    I’m not going to tell Dmitri, not yet. And I’m not going to give in to the baby.

        “ up?” srying to sound casual, but    onderstood and said, “O’s not muc like to see    up. Because I    to give in and I don’t.”

        alking as if it all    a joke.    I find t silent and dismal, looking at    dress rouble at all, opped g. t little    intimate baby smell made    to cry. O, o o toilet,” and off srode, he black linen swinging around her.

        Mary t, I suppose Dmitri ened and s taramasalata and tsina and all t stuff t    of t rocks and trees and ten alked togetom and Mary—imes strao them.

        Mary did not speak to Demetrios t nige, er midnig s up in bed and stared at umbled around to o put    o, ime s o taking tiative, orm of sex. But t al going to let you take me franted, said Dmitri, teasing , but tive, surprising    a big rougead of sometimes just a cuddle, and t tle toucrokes t put a look of onis o on Dmitri—    of doing anyt. Noo put one’s arms around one’s ill m, and t nig o put a o touc alone kisses and nibbles.

        S t, for s sleep, a m t. And n at ed    sometimes gla , in anger, and in fear. But as ion ion er every minute, because w s. ears and saying he was sorry.

        t nigo seem asleep . Per: en did, w up o     kiss her.

        m at breakfast sting taring face like a radar dis looking at , upid. Just because I    got a smile on my fad I’m not speaking—but I’m just t I? Mean and knog into t a curse .    m s to slide quietly out of bed so as not to o “put on t, but    straiged    saring at .    out a s, as if mare, and to sob, “You’re a cruel    ions in Greek. It frig, and, no, s anyop it. It’s enoug s stop. An implacable acg stare eself on , But I started it all food reason, didn’t I?

        And toget notice t srios and t o avoid looking at    iced, all right.

        day Mary asked ?”

        “I’ve never kept it up lo I?” S evasive.

        It reatment. S go out at all but sat    silent, staring, not at Dmitri, for    t at t kno errible.     ing in till very late, because umbled around t     e home.

        “’s going on ri?” asks tom, meeting Mary i. “Are you having a quarrel?”

        “Not,” Mary says smiling, w.

        I nig ri, don’t sulk.” “Go to ed, and blubbered noisily, in a    made e    of bed and laid t, and ting on    to go out, s t a nice breakfast for you.”

        At     use o me, so s up, I don’t    to .

        Mary    to . as t really s. And as sood looking at    t’s not    tri seemed to    clumsy man    to join t    moving up on to make room for ermination    and    off heir prams and pushchairs.

        Noold ory, and s one    up and do back toful pause, and pus foro Mary it seemed t t of tening and judging.

        “You’ve kept it up for t last,    told Mary srolling areme rea.    never    friend. “tated helen. “No wonder he’s sick.”

        “Is he sick?”

        “’t you see for yourself?” said t beautiful at all. tting on an ugly    needed painting, and    all t attractive, alttle bay trees orees needed ering and ty.

        “tom said t Demetrios oo drunk to erday.    careful.”

        t you gave me t get tongue. S seemed to be    dition—wake w she way I did?

        “You’d better try and make it up to    up from t off    even smiling at Mary or saying, “See you tomorrow.”

        I’ve lost oo, t Mary. S to sit outside taurant ri.” Surning a for? I ed a kid, t’s all. You’re a bad are migried to pull    sigri.” ood turned a    avoiding ed e me forever, but pleads, “Please, Dmitri, e ood close on t, and people going past moved    of to     to    stake. S and red and miserable.

        es aumbling beside    tig run off and she would never see him again.

        At ried to pull o t    at table    are you t’s t?”

        “I’ve stopped taking tri.”

        “So you’ve stopped the Pill.”

        “e to bed, please, Dmitri.”

        “ a o make a baby.”

        So pull    alk o bed before?    umbled o bed.    feeling anyttle tory or t fear of t over it, , and o    seemed to     uand w away.

        Meanainly    a question of making love, or even of sex, because shis had ever happened before.

        “Don’t you do it again,”    you do it, I’m telling you. If you do I’ll kill you. I’ll just    and never e    you do it.”

        on    turer, because so    elling    all t was.” ?
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