Ying-Ying St. Clair

        For all t my mout fall out. And because I remained quiet for so long no er fluid.

        All t my true nature oo buy,    of balance, ray sitting crooked on a straigable.

        And I    to tell , s seeing, un hers.

        I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over tone are er.

        Yet today I    remember a time and still. It is my earliest recolle: telling t is memory remained hese many years.

        But noails of t entire day, as clearly as I see my daughe foolishness of her life.

        In 1918, t I ival arrived during an autumn in us erribly .    m, teentra c my bed icky. Everyt grass simmering in t.

        Earlier in ts ains to drive out t, our only bedding during tant    . And t bricks of tyard umn     its s and evenings. And so tale    still remained in tains, ing up t, seeping into my pill less plaint.

        tside, somet fragra er. "s t stinky smell?" I asked my amao appear o my bed tant I    in a little room o mine.

        "It is terday," si of my bed aing me oo remember he m before.

        "e are burning t; I said dro of op of a little stool and looked out to tyard beloail t billo t of a colorful box decorated ures: a sipede, a dropping-doe of any one of tures could kill a co t t knoo coes and small flies.

        t day, instead of dressing me in a ligton jacket and loose trousers, Ama out a    and skirt outlined h black bands.

        "No time to play today," said Ama. "Your motiger clotival…." Sed me into ts. "Very important day, and noo t;

        " is a ceremony?" I asked as Ama over my cotton undergarments.

        "It is a proper o be, so t punis; said Amaened my frog clasps.

        " kind of punis?" I asked boldly.

        "too many questions!" cried Ama;You do not o uand. Just be to t s;

        I boiced tiny embroidered peonies groc, gently nudging floo bloom on th.

        And tyard. Standing on my stool, I straio find t t: "…feel my arm, steamed soft clear to t; Maives from tival and aying for the week.

        Amaried to pull a eo tumble off tool as soon as s.

        "Stand still, Ying-ying!" s, ool again, sed my o a single braid off to to it five strands of colorful silk. So a tigrands until to a assel.

        So i ing in t and pants obviously made tentions.    kind of day could be h so much suffering?

        "Pretty," pronounced Amahough I wore a scowl on my face.

        "oday?" I asked.

        "Dajya"—All t;e are all going to tai Lake. ted a boat onig t;

        "t; I said, jumping up and do deliger I ceased to be amazed    sounds of my voice saying neugged Ama;;

        "Coday is t wis;

        " is a secret wis;

        "It is    but ot ask," said Amah.

        " I ask?"

        "t…it is no longer a aug it is o ten."

        "t;

        "Ai! You ask too mu ordinary person."

        Satisfied at last, I immediately said: "tell     to ;

        "A just explain?" said Ama;No you ioo me, it is not a secret wis;

        During to go to t aling one more ter breakfast everybody kept talking about ttle sequence. I grew more worried and une.

        "…Autumn moon ; Baba ing a long poem    stone inscriptions.

        "t line," explained Baba, "s meaning    lost to posterity forever."

        "A fortunately," said my uncle, ;you are a dedicated sc ory and literature. You o solve it, I t;

        My fat;Mist flo. O!…"

        Mama elling my aunt and to mix various s to produce a balm: "ts. Rub it vigorously until your skin s and t."

        "Ai! But ?" lame;Botside oo teo even touc;

        "It is t," plained anotie. "Cooking all your flestle."

        "And burning your eyes!" exclaimed my great-aunt.

        I sigime tarted a neopic. Amaiced me and gave me a mooncake in t. S in tyard a it tle ers, hree.

        It is easy tet about a boat e t led to tyard, umbled and so see o tone benc. I , so I sat in t,    in t ear for eac doug filling    yolk inside, but my ers oo little to knoter.

        "Sister likes me better," said o hree.

        "Me better," said o wo.

        "Dont make trouble," I said to te ts body, rolling my tongue over my lips to lick off ticky bean paste.

        e picked crumbs off one anoter    it gre and once again I became restless. Suddenly I saransparent    off to d my ers folloing t flew away.

        "Ying-ying!" I anding in tyard and my mote. Ama doo smoot. "Syin yifu! Yidafad;—Your neress.

        My moto me. Sucked to my coiled braid. "A boy    run and c is ure," s;But a girl sand still. If you are still for a very long time, a dragonfly    o you and    of your s; t and t me in t courtyard.

        Standing perfectly still like t, I discovered my s first it    a dark spot on ts t covered tyard bricks. It    legs and long arms, a dark coiled braid just like mine.    ss uro    follourned back around quickly and it faced me. I lifted t to see if I could peel off my s it , on t at my so tree, c disappeared. I loved my s less nature.

        And t;Ying-ying! It is time. Are you ready to go to t; I nodded my o run to; admonished Amah.

        Our entire family anding outside, g excitedly. Everybody ant-looking cloty silk     ers unid so did t embroidered ers for long life. Even t on t cloto celebrate: Mamas aunt, Babas mot-uncles fat iny steps and then a scared look.

        ts icky rice us leaves, some filled ed    lotus seeds; a small stove for boiling er for    tea; anotaining cups and boton sack of apples, pomegranates, and pears; sy earts aables; stacks of red boxes lined s for our afternoon nap.

        to rickstio t t moment, before    off, I    of Ama of to t, er to our o be my nursemaid. But I     of Ama, t ter in ter, a blessing you appreciate and love only here.

        ted to feel no cooling breezes. Our ricks and ting like    tcarted climbing aboard a large boat our family ed. t looked like a floating teayard. It ile roof, and be w looked like a garden h round windows.

        urn, Amaig as soon as my feet toucoget peoples legs enclosed in billoo see o run t.

        I loved teady feeling of almost falling one erns ers and I ran our fingers over bencables in traced our fingers over tterns of tal o see ter beloo find!

        I opened a o t a room t looked like a large sitting area. My sisters folloo us, as we shyly smiled and backed away.

        At t icks into a tall cove, a ing close to t,    looked to be a piece of string attaco a er. t even a glance.

        e returo t of t, just in time to see ted on bencoes ligalking in deep, serious voices. My brotid er as if t go faster. ts ed in a cluster at t, ing er for tea, sed gingko nuts, aying out hampers of food for a noonday meal of cold dishes.

        Even tai Lake is one of t in all of C day it seemed cros: ros, pedal boats, sailboats, fiss, and floating pavilions like ours. So en passed ot to trail ter, some drifting by asleep beed umbrella.

        Suddenly I ;A; and I t, At last, to ts and uncles laugicks to pick up dang sill squirming in tiny legs bristling. So t ter ained, freser so a spicy bean-curd saud popping into es and a swallow.

        But tement soon ernoon seemed to pass like any ot lessness after ttle dro tea. Amaellio lie do. t as everyone slept ttest part of the day.

        I sat up and sao t. tal ring around its neck. One boy o tied a to a loop on tal neck ring. t se    on top of ter. I o t t me er and disappeared.

        One of t made of es into ter and top of t. In a fes ruggling to o a large fiso t and tried to s of course, s neck, it could not. Iion, t snatc to t. I clapped my er again.

        For t , I g its turn, as fiser fiso land in a . ter cried to t;Enoug; and t sed to someone op t of t I could not see. And loud ks and ed as once again t began to move. t to me dove into ter. Bot on t and crouctle yello bobbing on ter.

        It ure. But I stayed, as if caugurned around and a sullen ting in front of t of fiscook out a so slice open t to ter turtle t stretc its o bite a stick, and—. t a o tco see.

        It    until too late, t I sas of bloods, flecks of fiss of feat a strange mind I o of t, I quickly dipped my urtles blood and smeared t of my pants and jacket. And t I truly t: t I could cover ts by painting all my clot if I stood perfectly still no one ice this ge.

        t is ion covered ill error, running over to see ing my ears and my nose and ting my fingers, s t t. S, pulled off my pants. S;somet; and I looked like "somet." rembling not so muoto ;So Kunming." And truly frig Kunming o visit, and t it one forest ruled by monkeys. Ama me g on t, standing in my ton undergarments and tiger slippers.

        I ruly expected my moto e soon. I imagile flo so t and se in le    s e. Osteps, but I saers pressed to t me ed to me, and then laughed and scampered off.

        ter urned a deep golden color, and tern ligarted to gloalking and laug of our boat, some from ots o us. And td t;Ai! Look at t; I here.

        I listeo t ion, my legs, my     looked like turned around so I could find tell     moment, everybody else must oo. Because firecrackers exploded, and I fell into ter not even hearing my own splash.

        I    of ter, so t at first I    frig ely and pick me up. But in tant t I began to e. I ter. ter o my t and eyes, and t;Ama; I tried to cry and I     and suffer unnecessarily. And t he Five Evils, a swimming snake.

        It ossed me into to a rope    filled er gus of my t, so t now I was choking and wailing.

        urned my o t. "Is it too small? S back? Or is it ; said ting. And t. I knes, s her hands over my eyes and ears.

        "Stop no; scolded t, "youve frigo sell ; And tle voice, "tle sister?"

        t do me. "Otle girl. Not a fis;

        "Not a fis a fis; murmured thers, chug.

        I began to soo scared to cry. the sharp odors of gunpowder and fish.

        "Do not pay any attention to t; said t;Are you from anot?    be afraid. Point."

        Out on ter I sas and pedal boats and sailboats, and fiss like t beating fast.

        "t; I said, and poio a floating pavilion filled erns. "t; And I began to cry, desperate to reaced. t glided sly over, tohe good cooking smells.

        "E!" called to t. " a little girl, a girl ;

        ts from ting pavilion, and I straio see faaing, looking into our boat. All strangers, laug e? A little girl pushrough some legs.

        "ts not me!" s;Im    fall in ter." t roared er and turned away.

        "Little sister, you aken," said t glided ao s I    over ter at terns. Firecrackers    forever.

        tio stare at me. My braid s    and gray. I    my slippers and .

        " s; said one of tly. "Nobody to claim ;

        "Maybe s; said one of t;Look at s to beg for money."

        I error. Maybe true. I urned into a beggar girl, lost    my family.

        "An you ; said t;Look at oo pale. And , ttoms are soft."

        "Put ; said t;If sruly ;

        "Suc!" sig;Als and little c dro; tted like tos.    of ter lifted me out of t h his fishy-smelling hands.

        "Be careful ime, little sister," called t glided away.

        On t moon be ime, sogeto some busalking as ts. And tes and tinkling cymbals, a sounding gong and drums!

        I looked t I could see a croage    out from tage and told t;And noell ale to you, in a s;

        t, and t my troubles. I    t. So speak. Suc, wailing voice!

        "My fate and my penance," so lament, pulling ;to live    eac,    of tumn moon."

        te and began ale.

        On tte of a man appear. t to embrace ;O! er Arc; s    seem to notice    ter, o open    tell.

        td fell into a ;t of ten suns in tern sky!" And just as ser Arced    do;Sinking into a simmering sea!" sh.

        And noern Skies!—oer Arc a baby sun but a magic peag life! I could see tending to be busy    scer Arco fast for oo sieo live forever. And after ed not one moment to find t it!

        As soon as sasted it, so rise, t like t like a dragonfly ;Flung from tonness!" s as ing, "tealing ;     black.

        yae music began again as tage ligood t a moon as brig s tears. Ay    sao stay lost on the moon, forever seeking her own selfish wishes.

        "For ; s;tempered passions lie. And man is yang, brigruting our minds."

        At tale, I and ire story, I uood , o get it back.

        A gong sounded, and to t on tage and announced, "ait, everybody! ted to grant o irred ement, people murmuring in ;For a small moary donation…" tio disperse. ted, "A once-a-year opportunity!" But nobody ening to    my she bushes.

        "I ; I sed as I ran for. But ttention to me and age. I kept running too tell t I ed, because no as a lizard beage, to the moon.

        I saill for just a moment. Siful, ablaze    from a dozen kerosene lamps. And tresses and began to eps.

        "I ; I said in a il I could see teetained eyes. A face so tired t s wis me and became a man.

        For many years, I could not remember ed t nig    I o me, a    could not be trusted. And so eve niger Amaed for me along terhe same girl.

        And t t of iful story t, ts neck, tiny flohe Five Evils.

        But no I am old, moving every year closer to to t    day because it imes in my life. trust, alessness, t myself.

        I remember all to I asked to be found.
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