FADE IN
EXt. AN IMPOSSIBLE EXPANSE OF MARYLAND FARMLAND - DAY
tles the
freshly mown meadow of soybeans, and magically sways a copse of
trees.
Its a Fall after-noon. A SUDDEN POUNDING OF GALLOPING hOOVES
breaks t bethe rows
of into their lives.
CLOSE ON:
tiful woman dressed in a
diss train tattered and flying like a
knig beER.
turns
to look beerror. thing
mingles h Maggies panicked gasps.
e see a EDDING BOUQUEt fly into a ditders
on. Maggie gs to though she is
running from the devil himself.
FADE tO BLACK
EXt. IKES APARtMENt BUILDING - DAY
Establishing.
CUt tO:
EXt. IKES APARtMENt BUILDING - DAY - EStABLIS
EXt. NE YORK StREEt - DAY
IKE (V.O.)
hey, Fisher, pick up. I have some
n ideas I to bounce off you.
Not ten Im thinking
of ing about those mind-numbing
informercials t are always on.
Ike of ment building talking on cell phone.
IKE (td)
do you t?
B, doo deatless -- It
sucks.
Ike yells at a StRU ORKER.
IKE (td)
If you guys are here any longer,
theyre gonna make you sign a lease.
StRU ORKER
Your n should be so funny.
Ike turns a, talking into cell phone.
IKE
Okay, I e
about...
s a RIs of diamonds getting out of a
Limousialking to a Co her.
IKE (td)
Excuse me. I hinking of doing an
article on limousines. would you
say to people wo
drive in a limo?
to her DOORMAN.
LADY
Im sorry, I dont knoeople like
t.
Ike are at him as he goes.
EXt. A - DAY
Ikes talking on to his friends mae again.
IKE
(into phone)
Fisher? e on -- I know youre
sitting t me. Pick up.
I to run an idea past you.
Ike tinues ers block.
o his friends answering mae as he walks.
IKE (td)
(into phone)
I just could use someoo toss it
bad fortes,
get the juice flowing, help me. I have
an y-seven minutes and
fifty-two seds. hello?
-s table tohe
Vendor calls out to him.
t-S VENDOR
o put me
in an article?
IKE
-ss stop shrinking.
Ike e she was holding
and -s Vendoes back
to selling s.
INt. NE YORK BAR - LAtE DAY
Ike sits at to an attractive oman nearby, a
MAN puts is USA today on tENDER.
MAN
I see pos of a lot of dead ers
on t any living ones?
I ory to tell t could win
one of tzer.
(thusiasm)
Picture this, if you will. A small
totle
village, a ore...
tinues speaking as Ike and tiheir
versation.
OMAN
So ore for us in tomorrows
n?
IKE
I dont kno. Im kind of a last-
minute man. Ideas dont floil an
wo before deadline.
ts up and begins ts.
OMAN
(interrupting)
teresting. You get your
ideas for your n from life. You
start up a versation h a woman in
a bar, attack her choice of reading
material, try a a rise out of her
e w
sting on.
IKE
No, I t on you until I get an
idea.
Sarts ts.
OMAN
ts flattering.
IKE
No, you dont uand.
to ool, gathering her bag and leaves a
tip for tender.
OMAN
I tand. So my not
responding to your baiting me will
inspire one of tential bitter
diatribes you love to e about women
and all to drive men
crazy?
IKE
(taken aback)
I doter diatribes about
en.
Shen shakes his hand.
OMAN
Only w flowing,
o meet
you, one-minute man.
the bar.
IKE
(as ss)
ts last minute man.
(then, louder)
And its ty t ts.
BARtENDER
You know, food looking man, you
strike out a lot.
MAN
Ive seen much worse.
te Bartender ans as Ike sits ba
ool. Ike grabs t s on
tarts glang at it. t the bar has heard
thing.
MAN (td)
I said, Ive seen much worse.
Ike looks at tion. the Man is Gee
Swilling.
IKE
Excuse me?
MAN
the brush-off.
Ike gets up and moves to t board. s.
MAN (td)
Ive nessed far more treacherous and
nefarious exits t. At least
sigated you in private.
IKE
Not as private as I t.
Ike turns slighe man his back.
IKE (td)
Kevin, youve got some napkins?
BARtENDER
riting or wiping?
IKE
Give me a pen.
tender gives ail napkins and a pen. Ike starts
making notes. Ike looks up from ing. ts up
and starts ts.
MAN
(ts hard)
A. they
love you, te you, t,
theyre
low...
IKE
... ts
really fun making t h you,
but Ive got a n to go e.
BARtENDER
Ike.
MAN
(uerred)
But you dont have a really superb idea!
ell, town
you could e about.
Ike moves to tender and pays him.
BARtENDER
(to Man)
Excuse me, need any new ideas.
MAN
So dump gro the
altar. t;the Runaway
Bride".
Boteurn and stare.
MAN
Sravesty seven or
eigimes. Rig tar she
turns around and runs like hell.
Bolts.
Ike turns and er him,
getting up from ool stopping ic
story.
MAN (td)
Adios. Plohe aisle, knog
old ladies out of he
running of t Pamplona. And
guess w?
IKE
I give up.
MAN
S victim all lined up.
She
spit.
Ike stops in racks. urns back around in spite of
himself.
MAN
(beginning ory)
Imagine if you own in
Maryland...
CUt tO:
INt. IKES APARtMENt - DUSK
Ike sits at er, cassette player h Miles Davis PLAYS
o ypes away reading o himself.
IKE
(reading)
"today is a day of profound
introspe, I have been accused
of using to direct bitter
diatribes at te sex! this
unfortable accusation has plunged me
into at least fifteen minutes of
serious refle, from which I have
emerged , yes
-- I traffi female stereotypes."
EXt. USA tODAY OFFICE - DAY
FIShe paper.
FIShER
"But how one blame me when every
time I step out my front door I meet
fres types
are alive ahe
virgin, theyre
elboealing
your cabs, and overwh
perfume iors."
INt. USA tODAY OFFICE - tINUOUS
Elai o herself.
ELAINE
"But pero the fairer
sex, I do o broaden my horizon
and add some he
panto nominate for
deity..."
Fiso Elaine.
FIShER
"... the
maer, t of which s me
most today."
Fisoday sign.
CUt tO:
INt. NE YORK BAR - DAY
t of today,
Kevin, tender, stands on the same
article.
MAN
(reads)
"to be fair, ter isnt
exactly ne Greece, this
fearsome female was known as Erinys,
th goddess. In India,
so devour her
boyfriend Srails while her
yoni devour dot dot, never
mind. In Indonesia, the bloody-jawed
maer is called Ragma..."
te Man sits at to tender.
BARtENDER
You noticed tries
cable.
(tinues
reading)
"... And in hale, Maryland where she
ore.
Ser
..."
(mispronounces)
".... AKA, t;
CUt tO:
EXt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCK - DAY
ORKERS read ticle.
I. BEAUtY PARLOR / hALE, MARYLAND - DAY
PEGGY and MRS. PRESSMA troll dohe
street. (lowers her paper and reads.)
PEGGY (td)
"... And in hale, Maryland where she
ore."
(to the omen)
e o go to Maggie. dy, mind
the shop.
(exits salon;
tinues reading)
"... She is known as Miss Maggie
Carpenter, AKA, t;
MRS. PRESSMAN
holy moly.
tens h a pained expression
as tio read the n aloud.
heyre reading.
PEGGY
(reads)
" is unusual about Miss Carpenter
is t so dress her men up
as grooms before shem. She
has already disemboweled six in a row
by leaving t tar."... I
t ready anymore.
MRS. PRESSMAN
(takes paper from
her, reads)
"And ual feast tinues as she
prepares to make a sacrifice out of the
sevents are on and
h Las Vegas odds makers
because many predict t this girl is
out of the race... before
ts t;
(then)
holy moly.
Peggy and Mrs. Pressman step into a ore.
INt. ORE - tINUOUS
Peggy and Mrs. Pressmaer, worried.
MRS. PRESSMAN
You tell Maggie.
PEGGY
No, you tell her.
MRS. PRESSMAN
No, no. Youre friend.
PEGGY
No.
MRS. PRESSMAN
(holding her
neer)
You knos just possible t she
read t.
PEGGY
Yeah.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Maybe s read the paper...
Ooday opeo the
article about Maggie.
MRS. PRESSMAN (td)
... Or not!
e folloairs ihe hale hardware
Store, ttiest, most weling ss kind anywhere
in small to of
ter; botop and se brightness,
cy. Maggie es doeps
o an elderly er, MR. PAXtON.
MAGGIE
(bright)
ique er
;" still on it,
guarao fit any Ameri Standard
cast iron tub er
made bether
of the
dogon.
MR. PAXtON
(amazed)
hallelujah.
MAGGIE
Alrigon, Ill put it on
your at.
Maggie rounds tomer, EARL, stands by the
paint mae.
EARL
Maggie.
MAGGIE
( er)
You dont need an air ditioner, Earl,
you just need an atti -- theres
more in the back.
Maggie steps be ter of tore and takes the
at book out. rails off as she dour
expression on the faces of her friends.
MAGGIE (td)
?
Peggy nervously mentions the neer.
PEGGY
(delicate)
So -- Mag -- youve seen this, huh?
MAGGIE
(serious)
Yes, Ive seen it. And I o say
its t and most offensive...
joke anybodys ever played on me!
to t, Maggie starts smiling.
MAGGIE (td)
You guys! ake you?
Maggie stays amused.
MAGGIE (td)
this done?
(laughing)
You creeps! I se you!
And his
is four.
PEGGY
Uold us to bacte
jokes, so ...
Maggie looks at tri face of her friends.
MRS. PRESSMAN
holy moly.
Peggy looks like so cry hy fgie.
Maggie is starting to feel unfortable. She looks down,
dubiously, at the paper.
MAGGIE
Um, you know, now would be a good
moment to tell me this is fake.
(no response)
It be funny if y it out.
Okay?
(no response)
Okay, ...
Real neers smear. Phoney papers
dont.
S against her apron, leaving
an INK SMEAR!!
She nearly kneels over.
MAGGIE (td)
(sitting)
Bag.
Peggy and Mrs. Pressman immediately spring to hey
give o breathe in.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Bag.
CUt tO:
INt. MAGGIES ORKOUt ROOM/GYM - NIGht
e see Maggie kickboxing in ahe radio is on. She
suddenly stops, yanks Ikes article off the wall, leaves her
area and goes to her desk.
ANGLE ON DESK AREA:
Surns off to type ter.
MAGGIE (V.O.)
"Dear Editor..."
EXt. MANtAN - DAY - EStABLIS
As Maggies VOICE-OVER tio read ter, ake in
a Mantan busy day. It is big, loud, and anonymous.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"Greeting from ticks! Perhaps you
believe t a rural education is
focused mainly on hog calling and
traaintehan reading.
a piece of
fi about me and call it fact?"
te CAMERA FINDS Ike, striding across a busy street, dodging
taxies. A OMAN smacks h a neer. he passes a OMAN
tRAFFIC OFFICER, t dog stand. s and passes a
FALAFEL VENDOR. to a USA today truck.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"I suppose Mr. Graoo busy
tatements about
o both
something silly like accura
rep. andable,
because ;maer" like me on
time to cs?"
EXt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCKS - tINUOUS
he passes regular GUYS who cheer him.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"Still, ic queens get
pretty ky whings in
print t our feelings, like t
ely abandon fiances h
malice aforet."
INt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCKS - tINUOUS
ers to Ellies office.
INt. USA tODAY OFFICE - tINUOUS
y room. tracts a
lot of attention from tle
surprised, but hes pleased.
MAGGIE (V.O.; td)
"ts wo find Mr.
Graor was a woman. Call me a
seal fool, but I sort of hoped
er could stick toget;
Ike ors office. ChUFFA
Ike greets various o tors
secretary, ELAINE. S smile.
IKE
(to Elaine)
Ill put in a good word for you.
ELAINE
No, no, doion my name in there.
IKE
hy?
A buzz.
ELAINE
You go in now.
Ike goes into Ellies office. Elaine picks up her phone.
CUt tO:
INt. ELLIES OFFICE - tINUOUS
ELLIE is t editor. Stylish and successful looking, shes
about Ikes age. Ellie sits beh a scowl on
ty face. s
noncly on ters as Ellie reads
Maggies letter.
ELLIE
(readier)
"Any dropping you big city
folk ttle o say t I have
t of a ritual sacrifice t would
satisfy my current appetite: Ike
Grater. Yours
truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S. -- I
of the gross
factual misrepresentations in your
article. teen."
Ike sits as Ellie puts tter doakes off her glasses.
IKE
(cs)
Fully. I like .
ELLIE
I left four messages. You dourn
my calls.
IKE
So? I never returned your calls, even
ws
Fisher doing here anyway?
Fiss and places a po of t on a bookshelf on his
o the room.
FIShER
Ellie asked me to e doo offer
moral support.
IKE
Since when does Ellie need moral supp--
ELLIE
-- Its for you, Ike.
IKE
?
ELLIE
Journalism lesson number one. If you
fabricate your facts, you get fired.
Ellie pusoday later across the desk for him
to read. Ike picks it up and skims tter. his face is as
impassive as stone.
IKE
Lesson wo. Never work for your
former spouse.
ELLIE
ts not noto do . You
cooked tory up and you kno.
IKE
I didnt cook up a story. I had a
source.
ELLIE
Someone reliable, Im sure. A booze-
hound in a bar?
FIShER
In vias.
IKE
Dont knock drunk guys in bars. Drunk
guys in bars are good. It means
t driving.
Ike gets up and stands near Ellie, making .
IKE (td)
Besides, Im a nist. t
nists are supposed to do. this is
ch, we
go out on a limo. ts w makes me
good!
ELLIE
No, ts w makes you unemployed.
IKE
I merely e tuff. Youre the
o serves it up.
Ike puts doter and puts o his
pocket.
ELLIE
Not anymore. I o drahe line.
(pushing a piece
of paper)
S us t. Our lawyers say
its aable.
Ellie .
IKE
(scoffs)
Lawyers.
(gla list)
I dont know, Ellie -- Firing me is
going to be very tougs
going to be o get over. there
herapy bills for you.
ELLIE
(shrugs)
I already made an appoi for later
today.
IKE
(putting t
doanding)
See? You custody of my job? ...
just sider my slapped
and call me when you feel Ive served
my time?
ELLIE
Im sorry, Ike. t.
Fis eacher
for a sober moment.
ELLIE (V.O.; td)
If you go quietly, Ill get you
severance pay.
Ellie fidgets oy rake, the door.
tle at truth of her words and walks
out. Ellie collapses ba o her and
rubs her shoulders.
EXt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCK - DAY
Ike rides sadly on t, gets off and walks
out.
EXt. IAL StREEt - ANOthER M
ANGLE ON MAGGIES hOUSE:
A train goes by. A modest clapboard wo
entrances. A PAPERBOY tosses a paper onto t of
t door opens and Maggie appears fres of
bed, and panties. heedless of being seen
t to to pick up her
delivered paper: USA today. Sears off tic bag and
rips into it, looking for ter. S. A smile on
o the house.
INt. MAGGIES MOMENt
Maggie skips bato her
and Grandma. A cozy and eclectic place creatively furnished on
a sring. So: KIt hERE BOB KELLY,
fiance #4, is pag s into a backpack. Bob, 38, has a
pleasant fad a body t is almost shogly buff. hes
-s t reads: "Mountaineers Do It Against the
all.", Maggie dances over, he paper and singing.
MAGGIE
She ed him, she ed him...
Bob test t of te food.
BOB
e ry this on.
Maggie puts tcer and starts to read
aloud, paying no mind to Bob, wig hrough
traps of the backpack.
MAGGIE
Listen: "Dear Ms. Carpenter, I
apologize to you for tunate
matter. Ike Grahams n will no
longer be appearing in this paper.
Best of lu you uping marriage!"
Bob tio of traps
it onto Maggies shoulders.
BOB
t-a-girl! You sacked him.
(cheg pack)
t of the pack youre
going to o carry in the himalayas.
tell me if its too heavy.
Bob lets go and Maggie FALLS BACKARD, disappearing behe
ter, and ting t
er.
MAGGIE (o.s.)
Its a little... Its a little heavy...
help me, baby.
Bob has no answer. he reaches a hand down. he yelps as Maggie
pulls op of of frame. e hem giggle
and kiss.
INt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCK - ANOthER DAY
Fiso s featuring men and women
in evening and formal wear from Escada f.Q. Fis
actually sing t rat.
Fiso attention. then
o tage aions.
FISd)
Remember, ting t;fun" back
into formal.
(to Ike)
I just say t for the agency guys. I
dont even kno means. Now
follow me.
INt. USA tODAY OBSERVAtION ROOM - DAY
Elevator doors open. Ike and Fis and ohe
coffee table.
FIShER
Ike, I really liked the Runaway Bride
piece, and since I do freelauff
f.Q., Im in a different position
now...
IKE
are y to say to me, Fish?
top walking.
FIShER
Vindication. o get
some? A co prove t, though
your facts entirely straight,
your t.
IKE
(hiding his hope)
tory on Miss Carpenter.
FIShER
All tails.
tart walking again.
IKE
(excited)
tomy of the black widow spider
of Maryland.
FIShER
It be a bad o get you
bato iure pieces
again.
IKE
(entically)
t is a good story,
Fish.
top at table and grab someto eat.
FIShER
(nods)
If ss a cover story.
All true. All accurate.
IKE
(fesses)
Okay, you were riged my
n, but I do t.
FIShER
t it. If you leave
tomorroerlands, youll
y of time before
rot.
IKE
"Paid vindication" ts w I call
justice.
FIShER
Justice, yes. Paid, I dont know.
t my hands are
tied restraints.
IKE
But Ill get my normal fee, right?
he walks away.
IKE
You me to do it on spec?!
he follows him.
CUt tO:
EXt. MARYLAND hIGhAY - DAY
e see Ike driving doters a little
as iion in voice-over. (If
needed by tor.)
FIShER (V.O.)
Dont say "spec" like its a dirty word.
Nobody ever paid So e a
play! Plato never got a book advance...
IKE (V.O.)
Oo know from
reliable sources t zc
expenses and a rental car.
e hear Fisher laugh.
IKE (V.O.; td)
Im going to make this work, Fish. Im
going to do it!
Ikes car drives into hale, passing a billboard reading,
"ele to ;
CUt tO:
EXt. REEt - DAY
Ike drives douresque Main Street. he passes hale
;At Curl. Be back soon."
EXt. AtLANtIC EL - DAY
A BARBERSEt is singing in front of tel in
town. Ike pulls up and goes inside.
INt. LOBBY/AtLANtIC EL - DAY
Ike o tlantic el. the clerk, LEE, hands
room servid taurant.
An OLDER OMAN asks he
stairs to his room.
EXt. REEt - DAY
Ike exits el as tet finishes singing
"Campto;
ery of town, looking
exactly like w of
on sunny Main Street, USA. KIDS ride by on bikes, streaming
balloons bes Ike on the face. As he
crosses treet, ters into ape recorder:
IKE
I think Im in Maryberry.
Flags orefronts and th
udes as PEOPLE greet eacher familiarly. Ike
es to beauty parlor called "Curl Up and Dye". the place is
doing business and EN.
INt. BEAUtY PARLOR - DAY
dy, t, does Mrs. Pressmans nails. Maggie sits
on t to Peggys salon che base of a
barber cigisfied.
dys dog is on the floor near Maggie.
MAGGIE
dy, you better 86 Sprout. he seems
to be enjoying troleum
distillates.
dy rolls over in her chair, picks up her dog and rolls back
to ation.
DY
ts it. Back to obedience school.
MAGGIE
(to Peggy)
Okay -- ... gently,
carefully.
Peggy sits in the chair. Maggie spins her around and around.
PEGGY
(delighted as
she spins)
Youre a goddess!
MAGGIE
I didnt eveo chis
gasket, just put in a little hydraulic
fluid.
PEGGY
Stop it. alk like t, I
get turned on and it frightens me.
JUSt ters taking off his sunglasses.
Peggy he chair.
IKE
hello. Im looking fgie
Carpe the
ore across treet...
PEGGY
Are you a reporter?
Its a little early in to be thrown off guard.
IKE
(shocked)
?
PEGGY
(eyeing his loafers)
Its been our experie anyone
of gewgaw on his loafers
ends up being anoty reporter
ing to interview Maggie.
IKE
About her uping wedding and all.
PEGGY
No, about ting t asshole from
New York fired.
Ike smiles do his loafers and shrugs.
IKE
I am just sucer. And you are?
PEGGY
Peggy P ter.
Peggy steps aside. Ike moves toward dy and Mrs. Pressman.
IKE
And whese lovely ladies?
te ladies sroduce themselves.
DY
dy. Maggies unmarried cousin.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Mrs. Pressman. ion.
PEGGY
And you are?
IKE
(turning toward her)
Looking fgie.
PEGGY
Yep. Maggie -- Someoo see you.
Maggie looks over from ting position on the floor. She
gives Ike the shoes.
MAGGIE
(yelling to Peggy)
Reporter?
PEGGY
Yup!
Ike crouco see Maggie on t as so her
feet. Ike straig, hrown by her
beauty and intelligent eyes.
MAGGIE
I angle.
Its pretty much all been covered.
IKE
inality is my speciality.
MAGGIE
Excellent.
PEGGY
erviews Maggie in
ting .
MAGGIE
She boss.
IKE
Sorry, no. I just got one.
MRS. PRESSMAN
(to Ike)
Excuse me, sir. I ual fact
for you.
IKE
(steps to Mrs. Pressman)
Yes, Mrs. Pressman.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Its ime to tar, you
kno seven like they said.
IKE
I knoell me something. Do you
to make it all the
ime?
During t Ike.
t Peggy
and bes o a copy of Ikes n affixed to a mirror.
A goatee and ure.
;devilized". Peggy coughs as she reizes Ike in
the neer clipping.
MAGGIE
She swallowed her gun.
Mrs. Pressman tinues ory to Ike.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Im not sure. Mr. Sche
neand, hes our local bookie, you
knoo one odds she
. he says shes so famous now,
maybe Vegas will give odds on her. Im
going to to the pros say.
IKE
Good fact. ell, you let me know.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Oh, I will.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie indicates n to Peggy. S t of
to wasool and a
et affixed to the wall above sink, which holds various
ss an idea. Maggie and Peggy
step foroward Ike.
MAGGIE
ell, instead of a ,
a city
grit out of it.
IKE
Youll ansions?
Maggie nods affirmatively.
IKE (td)
(removing )
Fine. You washe
questions.
PEGGY
Great.
Ike . A mystified Peggy leads Ike to the
sink. his...
MAGGIE
. Peggy, w you give
reatment t
strengthe follicles.
Ike sits in t a smock
and puts it around Ike.
MAGGIE (td)
So, to know?
Ike leans as he sink. Peggy bends over him
and s s.
IKE
Getting nervous?
MAGGIE
Nervous? Not at all! No. Ive never
been more certain in my life. Except
-- I am having all kinds of weird
dreams.
Ike pulls th down from over his face.
IKE
eird dreams? Yoing to tell me
about them?
MAGGIE
Yes.
PEGGY
(calming)
Lets just put the
aromatherapy.
Peggy recovers io fuss he hair
c products. Maggie helps.
INt. BEAUtY PARLOR - LAtER
Ike sits owel over he back
of o the mirror, his body faces Maggie.
dy does ctery
tickets. t, sits in is basket.
MAGGIE
In another one...
PEtE, door of the salon.
PEGGY
e, Ill be righ you.
Ike peeks out from under oinues.
MAGGIE
Im ihe church. Everyone I know
is t really them.
tein monsters, but
ts ing out of their
necks. Its all very "Nighe
Living Dead". And
part -- I look do my dress and
its red. I mean, I
it means. Reds not my color!
Ike listens ily and stares steadily into her eyes. Peggy
removes tos and
dyed e and red.
MAGGIE (td)
So hink?
Ike stares back at ickle of suspi creeping up his
spine.
IKE
I think youd look good in red.
PEGGY
No, salking about your hair.
Maggie she mirror. Ike
looks at ly colored hair.
MAGGIE
Youre all ready for football season,
Mr. Graham.
Ike stares at otal fusion. ith icy calm, Ike
rises from he end of his hair as if giving
it tou he sees his defaeer
clipping and all bees clear. icle and
s to everyone. Ike does a slow burn.
IKE
Yes, I ty
profile of the women of hale.
Ike turns and puts the mirror.
IKE (td)
(to Peggy)
My jacket, please.
Peggy .
IKE (td)
(sarcastically)
thank you.
Ike moves tos Pete.
IKE (td)
(putting on jacket;
to Pete)
Excuse me, Pete, do you knolace
t sells srong shampoo?
PEtE
Docs Pell
e sent you. ant my ?
IKE
No thanks.
Ike smiles at Maggie as.
MAGGIE
(to Peggy)
he seems crabby.
CUt tO:
EXt. MAIN StREEt - DAY
In front of beauty salon, Maggie follo.
MAGGIE
If youre looking for Elm Street, its
t way.
Ss on her sunglasses.
IKE
thank you.
her way.
MAGGIE
If you came down of
as well go back.
Because you t make me feel bad.
Sops urns to Ike.
IKE
Im not o make you feel bad. Im
ion. In my ...
MAGGIE
You have one?
Ike o Maggie.
IKE
I feel Im rig you. You got me
fired, lady. You destroyed my
reputation and you screwed up my hair.
You c t and
loved it. And Im doisfy
myself on t point.
PASSERSBY stare at Ikes hair and giggle.
MAGGIE
Did someto make you care
about reality?
IKE
Yes. vi. vi t Im
onto truto do the
same to "poor bastard number four"
t you did to t three. Youre
going to run again. And Im not
leaving until you do.
MAGGIE
Yoing to be very disappointed.
IKE
ell see.
MAGGIE
Id love to stay and c, but Ive got
to get back to ill have my
job.
ares at , stung by her words.
MAGGIE
I o hide, Mr. Graham.
talk to
actually stumble upon a fact or two.
Maggie eps and stops at a KID on
a bike.
IKE
en bucks for
your .
Kid agrees. Ike puts t on and starts to cross treet.
An OLD OMAN walks by and s h a neer. Ike is
stunned.
EXt. MAGGIES hOUSE - DUSK
Maggie pulls into truck. Shes in a fine
mood as s in the house.
INt. MAGGIES hOUSE - DUSK
Bob, alter, and Maggies GRANDMOt in the living
room. Grandma is seer
drinks wine, Ike wears a .
ALtER
You know, when I only see one dog, I
know Ive oo muco drink.
te family dog, Skipper, sits near a ceramic dog table. Maggie
smiles as s door and puts down ool box
and bag.
MAGGIE
Youll never guess who came crawling
into toail between his
legs.
IKE (o.s.)
ho?
Maggie eo see Ike smiling evilly from
on the couch.
IKE (td)
(ily)
came by to
apologize to your family.
(looks to alter)
hen Im wrong, Im wrong. I pushed a
story. I made a mistake.
ALtER
In other words -- hes only human. An
us a bottle of wine.
Raises ttle to Maggie.
IKE
t my ba.
ALtER
O of
Skipper.
MAGGIE
Youve got to be kidding me.
Maggie stares at th.
BOB
(enjoying t)
No, no, you should have seen Skipper.
(tates
growling)
It t funny.
Maggie gives says, "You are not absolved." She
smiles stiffly, looking back at Ike. Ss on the arm
of Bobs cs her arm on his shoulder.
MAGGIE
So, the forces of good and evil have
already met.
Maggie takes ttle from table o alter. She
snaps a look to Bob, who follows her.
BOB
Ill ake into t.
GRANDMA JULIA
Che crabs, Bob.
e overones about the wedding
plans as t... alter puts down his drink.
IKE
Gee, I out
t t
off...?
ALtER
ell, his we
know.
IKE
You knoer seems...
Ike notices t o the veil.
GRANDMA JULIA
Sorry.
IKE
ts okay, Grandma.
Grandma cuts tes the veil from Ikes sleeve.
IKE (td)
(tinuing )
... Like such a lovely girl.
alter points to a portrait painting on the wall.
ALtER
Like her.
IKE
(seeing trait)
Aiful.
(gets up to admire
trait)
I just t see iple
grooms in t like t.
GRANDMA JULIA
Oh, yes, you . Shes has em all on
tape.
IKE
Sape?
ALtER
(good-natured)
Yea tel videos wedding.
I mean Maggie didnt know she was going
to make the hundred-yard dash.
alter gestures to a pile of video cassettes on the bookcase.
Ike capes.
IKE
Dads fisrip, Grandmas knee
operation, Grandmas birthday...
ALtER
Gotta tell you t my daughter.
My daugime, even
in a long dress and heels. Maggie may
not be running joke, but
sainly is test.
alter cracks up.
GRANDMA JULIA
(sarcastically)
ha ha.
CLOSE ON: A tape. It reads: "Maggie I, II, III." Ikes
i is more t up. t up and
go to the dining room.
DISSOLVE tO:
INt. DINNING ROOM/MAGGIES
teals food from table. alter
scolds er wh his hammer and Ike
copies him.
ALtER (td)
Emma and I h one
c for lag .
MAGGIE
t leave anything
out.
Ikes of o pick it up.
ALtER
So Ive e to see it as a bonus,
really, t o plan,
and pay for, so many weddings.
MAGGIE
Not this ones on me.
alter reacts.
IKE
ts fair.
MAGGIE
Despite do it
on purpose. And I ention of
doing it again.
BOB
ts rig keep your
eye on the ball.
Ike raises ion. Bob explains.
BOB (td)
Sports psyc was my major in
college.
IKE
Ahh.
BOB
(false modesty)
Im toness
trainer. Big advocate of the mind and
body bining for success. You could
say or you quote me, Im a glass
half full king of guy.
MAGGIE
(boasting)
Bobs tment
at the
football team. And hes climbed
Everest.
to Maggies satisfa, Ike ss Bob a look of begrudging
respeobody otal .
IKE
(impressed)
Everest. Is t right?
MAGGIE
twice...
IKE
Really?
MAGGIE
(stig it to Ike)
it oxygen...
BOB
My girl likes t about me.
Bob and Maggie kiss Ike ttle love-birds.
BOB (td)
Im taking rekking on Annapurna on
our honeymoon.
Ike is highly amused.
IKE
ic.
MAGGIE
(sharply)
e think so.
IKE
Notial bed
wo Sherpas and a yak.
alter cracks up, Maggie ss Ike a look. he smiles back.
CUt tO:
INt. IKES EL ROOM/INt. FIShER AND ELLIES BEDROOM (NYC)
I tELEPION
Fisher and Ellie are exerg. Fisher is on a cycle mae.
Ellie does yoga stretcs ba ts on
caped V
s. Superimposed titles read "Brian Norris ;
IKE
(to Fiso phone)
You believe ,
Fisape of all train
wrecks.
tV - CLOSE
ter a crowded che
groom, Brian, and man at tar.
No tar.
e see Maggie move a of the church.
SS rise in his
first he sed aisle as
ss up to pick up te and
ts back doo ch.
tape fast-foro t wedding. Now Ike is looking
at a muc says,
"Gill C;. s t-forton
(sometimes slowing down).
ON tV:
e see ters backyard. It is Gill and Maggies
URE of hells
Aypes, Deado;altar" is a band
platfainst the back fence.
Gill is ing on tform h a robo playing
Grateful Dead-type music. roductory speech.
Maggie steps out onto tiful in a
ype wedding ensemble. So a
trampoline. e see attoo. Srampoline,
to tch her and body surf her
over to the back fence.
As ss tage, s Peggy and Gill, then decides
to go. Sage and runs up to a passing GUY on
a dirt bike. Surns and waves as she rides
a;Gill C;. Maggie
goes off on dirt bike. tape fast-foro t of
Maggies fiascoes.
OV
s outdoors, in a tree lined
area, MUSIS plays. Ike laug Maggie
approacar on e dress,
he
tape.
ON tV: It SAYS, "GEE SILLING EDDING".
As Maggie rides dohe horse whinnies!
Maggie in t rears and bolts,
galloping off ape on an
image of Maggie, ri,
o sat single frame. As Ike
stares at looks at
o see
.
Ss to s a restless look on his face. he
stares closely. the bar.
IKE
Kamikaze!
CUt tO:
EXt. tE tROUt BAKERY - t DAY
Establis of a bakery in hale. Ike
exits a neighe block. he pauses in
front of to take a look at Maggies truck. As he
does, a middle-aged BlaAN walks by and wh a
neunned as surns to a MAN
sitting on a bench.
IKE
Did you see t?
CUt tO:
INt. tROUt BAKERY - tINUOUS
CLOSE ON a group of plastis and brides on a ter top.
MRS. tROUt is beer ion
of grooms for
on ter. All sizes and colors, some attaco brides,
some solo, some tuxes, some in dinner jackets.
MRS. tROUt
t oh, youve
used t I
like te dinner jacket.
MAGGIE
No, oo blond.
MRS. tROUt
(picks up another)
ell go otal traditional.
MAGGIE
too dark.
ther groom.
IKE
But ters eyes.
Maggie ges at the sound of Ikes voice.
IKE (td)
No -- ters eyes are closer set.
Sinues her search.
IKE (td)
(to Mrs. trout)
Could I wo coffees, please? And
wonderful smell?
(seeing the
amon rolls)
Ill hose delicious
looking amon rolls.
MRS. tROUt
Sure.
(pig up a
miniature bride)
he
best you.
Mrs. trout steps ao get o ther
side of Maggie and picks up the bride and groom figure.
IKE
Lets see... Excuse me, isnt t cute?
Ahh...
edly knock the groom figure in
the head and run away screaming.
IKE (td)
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam! Oh, help me!
s .
Mrs. trout just about bursts a gut laugakes the
bride from Ike coldly.
MRS. tROUt
You must be t Mr. Graham fellow.
Ike turns and goes to her.
IKE
Yes, I am. And who are you?
MRS. tROUt
Betty trout. Five dollars.
IKE
(as he pays)
Oty. I take it yoing to
be making they say
youre throwing --
MRS. tROUt
(interrupting)
-- the luau fgie.
Sarts pig lint off tons his cuff.
MAGGIE
(all smiles for
Mrs. trout)
Grandma made me test outfit. I
t to s to you.
IKE
(ical delight)
A pre-wedding luau?
MRS. tROUt
Yes. My husband and I love luaus.
Itll be fun.
Mrs. trout turns and grabs Ikes bag taining two coffees.
IKE
Fun? Fun isnt the word.
Mrs. trout beams. Maggie uands tle better.
Mrs. trout ems and he pays.
MRS. tROUt
If youre still in town, you should
stop by.
MAGGIE
No, Im sure .
IKE
(to Mrs. trout)
Actually, I o e.
(taps her service bell)
thank you so much.
Maggie steps over, carrying her bride and groom figure choices.
MAGGIE
(exasperated)
Is t o do now?
Follow me around everywhere I go?
Ike smiles at Maggie enigmatically as he picks up his order and
he door.
IKE
No.
arts to leave rout stops him.
MRS. tROUt
(he
)
Your two amon rolls.
IKE
Bye, Betty. thanks.
he leaves.
MAGGIE
a nice person.
Maggie rout her bride and broom figures. Maggie
looks at Mrs. trout, suddenly nervous. S. Mrs.
trout imitates Ike bamming the bride and groom, laughing.
CUt tO:
EXt. BALL FIELD - DAY
Various S tEAMS practice. Maggie strides across
tball field, a scowl on her face. A few hIGh SChOOL
FOOtBALL PLAYERS job past Maggie, doing laps. A boy, KENDALL,
calls out to ionately as shem,
DENNIS, slows o run alongside Maggie.
DENNIS
(playful)
Maggie, dont marry Coach! Marry me.
I love you.
MAGGIE
Youre jail bait, Dennis. Go away.
Run your laps. Go. Go.
Dennis runs on as Maggie tioward her goal: Bob and Ike,
standing togethe field.
ANGLE ON BOB AND IKE
tanding on ter wave of
VARSItY FOOtBALL PLAYERS ram into t across
top of it. Ike is mung on
one of the KIDS.
BOB
Drive! Drive! From your low,
get lo lo!
Ike smiles broadly atop of the sled as he sees Maggie
approacy peeved. s to
Maggie. Bob lig t of her.
BOB (td)
Good job, gentlemen... Special teams.
tball players move ao
Maggie, leaves Ike alone.
BOB (td)
(to Maggie)
hey, honey!
Bob kisses and embraces Maggie. S see Ike immediately,
then:
MAGGIE
(indig Ike)
is o now?
BOB
Ike just came by to c team.
IKE
And talk about you.
Ike grins and ses in .
MAGGIE
Bob -- are you making friends his
man?
BOB
Im just bragging about you
are. Im t man alive.
Bob grabs Maggie around t and smooches her adly.
Maggie sco Ike. he nods, all charm.
IKE
ell -- Ive got to get moving -- lot
of o do today! Ill see you two
love-birds later.
Ike leaves. Bob calls after him.
BOB
See you at the wedding.
IKE
You bet ya, Coach.
Maggie is ag. Sares at Bob. Ike joins in behind a line
of peppy cheerleaders.
MAGGIE
At te him? Bob,
dont you realize ing another
article about me?
BOB
Sure I do. But t defense is a
good offense, rig going
to let your oppohrow you off
yame.
MAGGIE
You dont uand this guy.
BOB
Let o the wedding. Youre
not running, rig. "Im
not..."
MAGGIE
(irritably)
Im not running.
BOB
So if youre not running and Ike Graham
is to see it, ticle he
es to have a happy ending,
rigurning
lemon into lemonade.
MAGGIE
Ive got ne of
sugar and er is going to turn like
Grao somet to take
on a piic.
Bob gives Maggie a big hug.
BOB
homemade sunshine?
Bob blos Maggie on tball sled.
BOB (td)
I you boys to take my princess on
tell em
where you parked your car.
Maggie screams as tball field.
INt. FESSIONAL BOOth/ChURCh - DAY
Maggie kneels, ly. te opens
before her.
MAGGIE
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
My last fession was... ahh...
Sries to recall.
MAGGIE (td)
... Anyeical
question here. Ive been having -- bad
ts. I mean, really bad ts
...
PRIESt
Of an impure nature?
MAGGIE
No -- like -- Im h
t .
I revenge. I to destroy this
guys life, career, everythe
sin scale, ? I mean,
I "; my of it?
PRIESt
C is...
MAGGIE
(impatient)
t this side
of ten years ago t you had your
tongue do. So dont call
me "c;, Brian. It annoys me.
PRIESt/ BRIAN
upset.
Brian closes ts
MAGGIE
(still inside
th)
Brian, open up. Dont ignore me.
Brian leans into eps out to join him.
BRIAN
Youre not even Catholic, Maggie -- you
really s e to fession.
le man. ther for a
beat.
MAGGIE
Im sorry. Im just so stressed out
about t slime-ball reporter being in
town. I jus o e warn you he
migart asking you
all kinds of ridiculous questions.
Brian moves as in a nearby pew.
BRIAN
Actually, he only asked me one
ridiculous question. t
so bad.
MAGGIE
(sliding along
the pew)
? You talked to ell
ed before you ?
BRIAN
Yes, yes, Im sure I only did you good,
Maggie.
MAGGIE
did he ask?
A woman, MRS. MURPhY, rushes in.
MRS. MURPhY
Fatoo late?
BRIAN
No, no.
MRS. MURPhY
It take long. Jus two venials.
to to .
BRIAN
Only respectful t did we
kind
of music did you like... Did you ruin
my life anding at
tar...
MAGGIE
And w did you say?
BRIAN
you when
clearly w o me is as
God intended?
MAGGIE
(relieved)
Good ohanks.
BRIAN
It o be how I feel.
Brian sits o Maggie.
MAGGIE
God... Of course. Im sorry -- I mean,
Im...
(sighs)
Brian -- Ive got to go. the mans a
lunatic, but I knoly where hes
goi.
BRIAN
God bless you, Maggie.
Surns to rus, tops herself.
MAGGIE
O, my purse.
So to Mrs. Murphy.
MAGGIE (td)
Excuse me, sorry, fot my purse.
Good luck.
Maggie closes tain and turns to Brian.
MAGGIE (td)
ait -- he ridiculous
question he asked?
Brian smiles mischievously.
BRIAN
ed to know o like
ys.
MAGGIE
eird. Like after all those years you
would remem--
Sarts to go, tops in racks as she hears:
BRIAN
(interrupting)
-- Scrambled, , pepper and
dill. Same as me.
Maggie looks at Brian. Suddenly, soo.
MAGGIE
(tenderly)
Im really sorry t I you, Brian.
BRIAN
Im o
be. But if you ever bee a Catholic,
may I ask you a favor, Maggie?
MAGGIE
Of course.
BRIAN
Could your fess to Fatrick
from now on?
MAGGIE
Of course.
And s. Brian goes bato the fessional.
EXt. GILLS GARAGE - DAY
Maggie drives up to an old brick fire is noo
garage. t;Gills Garage".
INt. GILLS GARAGE - DAY
Maggie rus.
Several cars, including a yellow jeep-like car up on a hydraulic
lift, are in the funky garage.
MAGGIE
Gill? Lydia? Gill?
A CRAStering
in Spanis stumbles GILL ChAVEZ, 34, wearing a grease-
stained Grateful Dead tie-dyed t-s. riumply,
E tAPE in his hands.
GILL
!
Maggie regards ient h.
MAGGIE
Found w?
Gill looks up and gives Maggie a fond, hazy smile.
GILL
Mags! ape from the
Radio City Music --
Remember t nigrying to get
Jerry to let me sit in on "Ripple"?
tte from its case. Its broken. tape
is dangling from tte.
GILL (td)
(disappointed)
O for you.
Gill picks up aric GUItAR and starts to play.
MAGGIE
(ss over the music)
Listen, Gill -- ter
whos ben making my life a living hell
... If talk to
ever yo do....
(crosses to Gill)
... Dont s picture of me
at t in San Francisco --
Suddenly, a loud Ces from the car overhead.
MAGGIE (td)
?
Maggie stops Gill from playing. Ss her ex an angry glare
and moves a lever on the car desds.
GILL
e to San Francisco twice.
Remember oime ire...
ure?
As t slohe car is lowered, revealing Ike
sitting in t. he
pograph hes holding.
IKE
(feigning shock)
Imagine! Maggie Carpeopless in a
public arena.
(co again)
And I see the air.
Maggie so, but Ike is faster at pulling it away.
MAGGIE
Give me t!
IKE
But t iing thing here is
t I doattoo t
Ive on your back.
Gill takes off ar as it down.
GILL
Ike bet me fifty bucks you dont still
, Mags. I said "Youre on, man!
Maggie loved t t; And I could
really use fifty bucks.
Maggie is spicuously silent.
GILL (td)
(looking worried)
Mags?
MAGGIE
Im not gonna shing.
I am a soon-to-be-married woman. Now
give me t pograph.
Maggie seethes.
IKE
Sure, I o give to you.
Just give us one quick ga t
rose, and, Ill gladly over.
Sries to grab to again. Ike pulls it away.
MAGGIE
Fine. here.
Maggie quickly turns around and pulls do,
revealing top of ine expanse of skin. No
tattoo.
MAGGIE (td)
(turning back around)
Satisfied?
IKE
pletely.
Gill is still trying to grasp this.
GILL
Maggie? You got it removed?
IKE
Gill, Ill go ya double or nothing if
i.
GILL
(dismayed)
Maggie?
MAGGIE
(admitting)
Im really, really afraid of needles...
It doesnt make me a bad person.
Ike laug ically
pulls do of -s.
GILL
Look.
t is on Gills c: tattoo. Maggie sighs,
pained. Gill s to Ike. Ike looks at tattoo. he
s Maggie.
IKE
(sincerely)
Look, look, man. I the man is
broken.
MAGGIE
!
Maggie moves to
to from Ike as.
GILL
I think I am.
Gill grabs ar and sits.
GILL (td)
would Jerry do?
t stops moving. Ike leans out.
IKE
Jerry. hed play. hed play... Jerry
.
Ike sings and taps along in tempo on the car as Gill
sings and plays "Ripple".
CUt tO:
EXt. EL PORC DAY, SAtURDAY M
As Maggie drives into toh
Sruments as
a blues band. Ike is not bad on slide guitar. they all like
Ike.
Maggie "C; h Peggy and moves on.
EXt. SOFtBALL FIELD - LAtER t DAY
CLOSE ON:
tcball. A bat ects.
NE ANGLE:
A big s
out ting as umpire, yells, "Safe!" happy,
Cory turns to tands and waves.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie and Peggy, cries to whoop harder
t t ough. From firs base, Cory waves
back to t back doakes back
up ion. Maggie is still al steamed up.
MAGGIE
Okay, alk about
my life noo turn
t tattoo stuff into a big deal --
t I Gill,
blaotally out to get me.
PEGGY
For w reason? Some personal
satisfa?
MAGGIE
ts w if hinks
t I dont realize ing
anoticle, t.
PEGGY
Its probably because you got him fired.
MAGGIE
(sarcastic)
Ya think?
PEGGY
Not t deserve to get
fired... Look! Coing for
sed!... Sneaky!
ANGLE ON:
Cory as s throw
for t. the women jump and cheer -- Maggie, again,
t boisterous.
ANGLE ON:
Dennis reizes Ike as ells Ike t he
is going to marry Maggie some day and shows Ike where Maggie is
sitting.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie spots Ike as t back down. She groans.
MAGGIE
there he is. Snoop Doggy-Dogg.
PEGGY
here?
MAGGIE
Over ten oclock. alking
to our little Dennis. Dennis urn
into one of t;sources say" things.
PEGGY
ter stuff out of
tractive man.
Ike finds Maggie in the crowd and leaves Dennis.
MAGGIE
Id say youve been in too long.
You handle him, okay? I could use five
minutes off from t creep.
Before Peggy protest, Maggie climbs dohe bleachers
and goes and stands of Corys team.
PEGGY
Okay, ts fine. I do t.
Ike es up to Peggy.
IKE
;not ter".
Ike indicates t o Peggy.
PEGGY
(protesting weakly)
ts Maggies seat...
Ike sits doably.
IKE
... And this is Maggies beer.
arts drinking it. ON tting ready to
steal third.
IKE (td)
t your there? Cory
Phleming, a local radio announcer.
PEGGY
eo his m show,
"ake up ;?
IKE
Not yet. I had a phlemless m. I
ty good ballplayer.
PEGGY
tty important to him.
ars in high school, you
know.
IKE
t must have made you proud.
Peggy takes a small sip off her soda.
PEGGY
hen.
(quickly)
hey
o get... t
dated for a while.
Cory dives in for t. the crowd goes wild.
Peggy yells and jumps in.
PEGGY (td)
Good job, honey!
But Maggies all. Cory not
at Peggy. s at Maggie, who jumps up and
do.
Ike looks between Cory, Maggie and finally, Peggy. Peggy jerks
o s down. Ike
pretends not to iced. tch as Maggie and Cory
smile at eacher.
IKE
Its ill friends.
PEGGY
(looking at Maggie
and Cory)
O ime ago.
See, s a ma all.
Sive of men...
BAttER s oo deep left field and it lands in the grave
yard. Cory scores, greeted by Maggie. Ike and Peggy ch as
Cory and Maggie belly-bump and her in
celebration of Corys play. No looks at Peggy. Ike keeps an
empatic silence, seeing t Peggy is truly .
PEGGY (td)
Ill be ba a sed.
Suddenly, Peggy stands, pus eps.
Maggie looks up just in time to catc. Ike pulls
ape recorder out of and starts speaking into it.
Maggie ss Ike an acg look, o he
bleaext to him.
MAGGIE
Youve been es.
did you do to her?
IKE
You turn t finger around.
Ike does an on-tton imitation of Maggie jumpiedly
at Cory. Noing at.
MAGGIE
(defensive)
You misinterpret everything. eve all
been friends our w
ts types of relationship you
uand.
IKE
Obviously, Im not the only one who
doesnt uand it. the USS Maggie
leaves quite a wake... Excuse me.
Ike ries to seem enthused.
MAGGIE
See, I c is he, a cheer
critic?
EXt./INt. StREEt/BAR - LAtER - DUSK
Sitting in front of Inn ENDER
pantomiming he reins of a wildly galloping horse. eve
seen somethis before. Maggies wild ride away from
as Maggie
drives by this.
MAGGIE
(to herself)
tops.
INt. AtLANtIC EL - NIGht
Maggie o t desk of tel, where Lee is
sleeping up. S off ter.
MAGGIE
Lee, o
ters room. I to snoop
around.
LEE
(he key)
Okay. Sed floor.
MAGGIE
thanks.
LEE
Dont take anything big.
Maggie moves up tairs towards Ikes room.
INt. AtLANtIC EL - S LAtER
Maggie owards Ikes room, o one sees her and
enters.
INt. IKES EL ROOM - tINUOUS
Maggie lets room and turns on ts
on. Ss on audio cassette on the door. She
te up to t to read tten
label. It says "Miles Davis" on it. Ss tape. She
o the living room.
MAGGIES POV:
Ike -its on a framed picture, using the frame as a
bulletin board. Post-it notes lay out tion he has
gats "Mot;
deceased, sub;alter" and t;Brian",
"Gill", and "Bob". Maggie smiles and shakes her head. She rips
one post-it do to herself.
MAGGIE
(reads)
" all to
propose? S t beautiful."
(snorts)
Bite me, paper boy.
S-it off ture frame.
MAGGIE (td)
(as sakes post-its)
Rude...
S and furious, them in
her shoulder bag.
INt. AtLANtIC EL INUING
Ike es doo be shined.
BASIDE thE ROOM
Maggie, looking around, discovers the
coffee table and grabs t, too.
MAGGIE (td)
thief!
to
ts and locks t as Ike enters,
antly knohing
is up. es gone and a glimpse of Maggie as she
closes teaming. A BUMP sounds from
to tries the handle.
Its locked. arts to pound on the door.
IKE
All righere...
You steal my research... Youre messing
ame now. Open up.
Open up. You got no place to go.
INt. IKES EL BAtINUING
Ikes rying to open t
bats stuck. Shtub,
opens t arts to climb out.
IKE
I to have a very serious discussion
o why youre such a pain in
the ass.
e throom door.
As Ike breaks in, o ter her.
EXt. IKES EL INDO - tINUOUS
IKE (td)
ts breaking aering. Ill call
the sheriff.
MAGGIE
You do t. And remind him hes
bringing to thanks.
She building and runs off.
Ikes neigs reading near his window.
CUt tO:
EXt. MAGGIES
Establishing.
INt. MAGGIES
CLOSE ON: A CASSEttE PLAYER. e see tten
label: "Miles Davis." "Kind of Blue" plays as Maggie listens in
a c-its she
stole from Ikes room. e see as s;Fatwo-
fisted drinker," "Peggy, best friend, but Peggy doesnt totally
trust Maggie," "Bob" -- doesnt love him. Overwhelmed, she
finis note, leans back, puts up on
table, deep in the melanusic.
t note on t to her chair.
It reads: "S;.
FADE tO BLACK.
FADE IN:
EXt. MAIN StREEt/BEAUtY PARLOR - DAY
Its early m. Mrs. Pressman hands Peggy a cup of coffee
to go. Peggy o ty parlor, unlocks t door
and goes in.
INt. BEAUtY PARLOR - DAY
Peggy enters and starts about ies. Surns on
ts and turns and sees her friend, Maggie.
MAGGIE
Do you t h Cory?
Peggy stops in rack. Maggie is sitting curled up in a salon
c slept.
PEGGY
Good m to you, too. You look good.
MAGGIE
t h
Cory?
PEGGY
Yes.
Maggie looks miserable.
MAGGIE
I dont mean it.
Peggy moves to th her cup of
coffee.
PEGGY
I knoimes you just
sort of spaz-out h random excess
flirtation energy and it just lands on
anyt moves.
MAGGIE
On anyt moves? As
opposed to anyt doesnt
move?
Peggy pours of its Styrofoam cup into a ceramic mug.
PEGGY
Like certain kinds of coral.
Peggy sits in t to Maggie.
MAGGIE
Im going to kill myself.
PEGGY
hy?
MAGGIE
Because you t;hey
man, c".
PEGGY
(friendly)
No, I dont t;Im
cerious in a
even I dont uand and something
about me is g out for prote
from a big man like you". Very hard
to pete o us
married ery.
MAGGIE
But you lost your mystery!
Youre very mysterious!
PEGGY
No. Im erious
are t things.
MAGGIE
But Im weird.
PEGGY
No. Youre quirky. Quirky and weird
are t things.
MAGGIE
Peggy, tinct possibility
t I might be profoundly and
irreversibly scree t,
I love you and I promise t I
h Cory, and I
beg your fiveness.
Maggie looks ready to cry.
PEGGY
Im not you and Cory or
Cory and me or even t youre
irreversibly scre, Maggie,
youve been like this since we were
kids. And I t you are
a and t it s peoples
feelings, maybe its time to move on
to someone of
your own, like Bob, if he one.
MAGGIE
I t.
(then)
Is to make it
up to you?
PEGGY
Somet brings o my .
(pause)
Duckbill platypus.
MAGGIE
Its only funny at Camp Birc
t a tick .
Its not anymore.
Maggie makes laugh.
PEGGY
Youre rigs not funny now.
Maybe h grew up.
MAGGIE
thanks. ill you fix my hair?
CUt tO:
EXt. MAGGIES ER t M
Maggie exits s on owards
town.
INt. IKES EL ROOM - LAtER t M
Ike is still in bed. retches, and is
about to the
silence.
MAGGIE
Freeze. o those covers -- I
didnt e o see Ike Junior.
Maggie smiles c Ike from t of the bed. he
narrows her.
IKE
I take it the desk clerk is one of your
many admirers.
MAGGIE
(deadpan)
? Im not t beautiful.
Ike notices Maggie is wo coffees.
IKE
Coffee. Now.
Maggie to him.
MAGGIE
Youre es made
iiime reading -- if you
like trasion. Your observations
are distorted, ungrounded an inplete.
You must be very proud.
IKE
Im not a boastful man. s your
point?
Ike puts a s on as Maggie speaks.
MAGGIE
My point is t one again, youre
getting it all
improve your reputation any, and its
not very flattering to me either. So,
Im going to give you a co e
truth.
IKE
Really.
Maggie turns away from him as he dresses.
MAGGIE
Ive decided to cooperate a you
interview me.
(beat)
For a thousand bucks.
Ike clears as ands putting s on.
MAGGIE (td)
I a big wedding and a killer dress
and frand I will answer all your
questions a you follow me around.
Ike takes s
to the window.
IKE
My magazine doesnt pay because for
stories. Its not hical.
MAGGIE
O making up ts as you go
along is etually, I meant
you. You probably got severance or
expenses or botake your check.
No credit cards.
IKE
(to Maggie)
Youve seen t-its. Ive already
got more juicy material than I need.
hy should I pay you dollar one?
MAGGIE
Because I ting on spec
and person interview, you
migually sell t thing.
Ike knows s.
IKE
too much.
MAGGIE
Seven-fifty.
IKE
Five hundred.
MAGGIE
Six-fifty.
IKE
Done.
Sco t to her. Maggie
looks at it and smile sly.
CUt tO:
EXt. MAGGIES hOUSE - DAY
Ike jogs alongside of Maggie on her bike. Maggie parks her bike
and to the house.
INt. MAGGIES FOYER AND StAIRS - DAY
Maggie leads Ike upstairs to her workroom.
MAGGIE
Pardon t ed
sih grade.
INt. MAGGIES ORKROOM - LAtER
I on a cappuae. e PULL BAd see Maggie and
Ike standing at able. An automatic cappuaker
stands on table. Its base is made from a used paint mixing
mac looks very suristic. Maggies logo
"MAG" is on t steams the
cappuo. Ike notices anotable.
IKE (td)
s this over here?
MAGGIE
Its a birt for my cousin.
Put your finger in.
IKE
dy t.
s he mae.
MAGGIE
No, ther one.
s urns it on. the
brusate.
IKE
(laughing)
this is wonderful. You refigure all
trial parts and you do
somet.
s some gadgets and lamps on anotable.
o them.
IKE (td)
Amazing. Found industrial stuff.
illoa lamp...
er. Eacs a
"MAG" logo.
IKE (td)
Is this your preferred logo?
MAGGIE
I think so.
IKE
I like it. tty
incredible.
(studying a lamp)
I this
lamp idea in New York.
MAGGIE
Maybe someday.
IKE
You afraid to try?
MAGGIE
(stares at him)
No, Im not afraid. Just... Maybe
someday.
IKE
ell, Im impressed. Absolutely
incredible.
(sitting)
I didnt expect pink and lacy, but this
isly a womans room.
MAGGIE
an incredible cic
observation.
INt. MAGGIES LIVING ROOM - A BIt LAtER t DAY
Maggies s rings.
MAGGIE
ts Brians. ook me ut oeing
on the ring in a
velvet box.
Ike snores. Maggie s him.
MAGGIE (td)
(defensive)
It was classic.
Maggie he shape of a
Grateful Dead rose.
MAGGIE (td)
Gill. Of course. the
tie-dye t-s stand at a Dead cert.
It until ed
t t was a blood-sug
space alien.
IKE
Always a mood killer.
MAGGIE
Still s.
Maggie s in tterfly
and studded i-cems.
MAGGIE (td)
Gee. a butterfly
farm in St. the ring was
inside a co.
IKE
(grimag)
Its a little "Silence of t;
for me. I t believe you ed for
to run.
MAGGIE
omologist! I t it was
very unique.
No;#1" h
a diamo into the number.
MAGGIE (td)
And Bob. he proposed
during tretch...
Ike touco examihe ring more closely. her
surprise at ouch shows on her face as she finishes her
sentence.
MAGGIE (td)
... At an Orioles game.
Sakes eps away.
IKE
ait. Dont tell me. the scoreboard
lit up ;Mary me, Maggie."
Ike picks up he couch.
MAGGIE
It wonderful
moments of my life. Cal Ripken even
applauded.
IKE
(stopping)
.
MAGGIE
do you mean? It was incredibly
romantic!
IKE
Maybe its just me, but -- if you got
to dress it up, it doesnt ring true.
Ike moves back to the couch.
IKE (td)
I t anybody ly
say is, "Look..."
(sits on the arm
of the couch)
"I guara well ough
times. I guara at some point
one or bot to get out
of t I also guarantee
t if I dont ask you to be mine,
Ill regret it for t of my life.
Because I know in my -- youre
t;
Maggie stares at Ike for a beat. aken a little
bit of h away. She covers.
MAGGIE
I like it.
So a cs.
MAGGIE (td)
Id like it better on a scoreboard.
(lightly)
Is t how you proposed when you asked
your o marry you?
Ike is taken aback.
MAGGIE (td)
Dont look so surprised, youve got
divorce ten all over you.
IKE
Im a work in progress.
MAGGIE
So? Is t o her?
IKE
No. I t
like, "So, uh -- maybe we should, ya
kno;
MAGGIE
Nos romantic. A proposal like
t and you didnt fiernal bliss?
wrong?
Ike takes a swallow of cappuo.
IKE
I dont know.
MAGGIE
You dont know.
IKE
No.
MAGGIE
Maybe you sime.
Ever t of t?
Ike is restless. ands up.
IKE
Call me crazy, but I believe t check
I gave you entitles me to ask the
questions for a while.
Ike puts dos
close to Maggie.
MAGGIE
Fair enough.
(t)
Actually...
Maggie move to tV. Solen post-it notes and
op of tV, and goes to t door.
MAGGIE (td)
Ill just need one more day to make sure
your check clears.
IKE
Ow!
DISSOLVE tO:
EXt. REEt - t DAY
Ike and Maggie drive in Maggies truck. t of
a Bridal Shop.
A spectacular dress fills ts beautiful,
romantic, sexy. Maggie and Ike be seen in tion.
MAGGIE
Even s happened
Ive still never been married and I
still deserve a beautiful dress.
IKE
Agreed.
Maggie gives Ike a smile t lighey go inside.
INt. BRIDAL ShOP - DAY
to
go in tri-ty area. A little FLIRL, 10, is being
fitted on tal in the room. A saleswoman,
POLLY, aken th
u eyes of a stern looking ENMEYER,
tg.
POLLY
(to ther)
Stiest little flower
girl in your daughters wedding.
MAGGIE
Mr. tenmeyer. hi, Polly!
the flirl sees Maggie and runs and hides behind Polly.
POLLY
o excuse her,
Maggie. Some of the children are
afraid of you since yed t
little boy up the aisle.
MAGGIE
I didnt drag.
(to the girl)
ripped on his shoelaces.
Mrs. tenmeyer es freet Maggie.
MRS. tENMEYER
Youve e for your dress. Good!
Ill get it from the back.
Maggie leads o t window.
MAGGIE
(happily)
Actually, I o get this dress.
Ss to to Mrs. tenmeyer,
expeg o stenmeyer darkens.
MRS. tENMEYER
(to Polly)
Polly, take Leslie into ge.
(to Maggie)
But the one you have on hold is lovely.
MAGGIE
(pleasantly)
Yes. But Ive ged my mind.
MRS. tENMEYER
Its ohousand dollars.
Maggie is keenly aening in.
MAGGIE
I housand dollars.
MRS. tENMEYER
(firmly)
three hundred
dollars.
Maggie loion of the
moment.
MAGGIE
Is this dress for sale?
MRS. tENMEYER
It just seems like an a of
moo spend on one of your dresses,
Maggie... You only
ten minutes.
Ike c as Maggies chusiasm
drains aless assault of
tarting to see t its no always easy
being Maggie. tremor in her voice.
MAGGIE
Yeas a good point.
(tting)
ther dress is nice.
Ike calls out to Mrs. tenmeyer.
IKE
Mrs. tenmeyer. May I talk to you
for a sed?
So him.
IKE (td)
I dont knohis kind of
t of town. Youre a
salesperso
sell wedding dresses.
MRS. tENMEYER
(huffy)
Yes. Ive been y years.
IKE
Perfect. Because Miss Carpenter is
o buy one. But not just any one.
Ss t one.
MRS. tENMEYER
Its a thousand dollars!
Ike goes over and takes t of the window. Mrs.
tenmeyer catcs the mannequin under his
arm.
IKE (td)
Look, Aunt Bea, his
beautiful dress and anything else she
s or Im ing back h a
squirt gun filled h India ink.
Mrs. tenmeyer s under Ikes fierce gaze. Surns to
Maggie.
MRS. tENMEYER
ill ?
Maggie gives her a look.
MR. tENMEYER (td)
(to Maggie)
ell, some
accessories his ready,
dear. Polly, will you e help me,
please?
Polly es to he mannequin away.
ANGLE ON POLLY AND MRS. tENMEYER:
POLLY
(enmeyer)
Its a thousand dollars.
MRS. tENMEYER
She man has ink!
Maggie looks gratefully at Ike.
IKE
tougo spend money in town.
tIME CUt: A FE MINUtES LAtER:
Ike sits as he hears Maggies voice behind him.
MAGGIE (o.s.)
do you think?
Ike turns around. Maggie is standing on tal, wearing
the dress and looking unbelievably geous. She is overwhelming
to bele to keep rol.
IKE
(stammering)
You look... uh... You look fine.
MAGGIE
Fihe neers upside down.
ts better than fine.
IKE
Bob will be very happy.
S bethem is broken as she
suddenly remembers somethe veil off her head.
MAGGIE
Bob! I almost fot! I o meet
Bob!
INt. DINER - DAY
t place -- a major he
food is greasy and good, Mrs. Pressman is tress, and the
CROD t is a small town. Bob,
Maggie and Ike sit on ter. Mrs. Pressman C
the er.
BOB
Mrs. Pressman, I to
order.
MRS. PRESSMAN
ere out the special because
somebody...
(indicates COOK h head)
... didnt order enough sausage.
BOB
Let me te. Egg
wes only.
Ike looks at Maggie. a t shed say
.
MAGGIE
Ill he same.
IKE
(clears )
Of course.
MAGGIE
? I t order my eggs
sarcasm?
BOB
ral ers you the
same team noing and
its fifteen minutes in ty box.
(gently, to Ike)
Maggies t person youll ever
meet. But s
t to start fog
more in here.
(taps )
ts wever
you to call it -- problems in the
past.
(to Maggie)
ts w were w on -- focus.
Right, Maggie? Foaggie. Focus
on Bob.
As Bob alking, Ike g Maggies face.
to of her.
MAGGIE
(quietly)
Right.
BOB
(to Ike)
I lead Maggie tion
exercise. All ts shrinks use
tuff. Visualize the end
zone, if you catc.
Bob takes out a notepad and to Maggie.
BOB (td)
odays mantra: "Its an open
field to Big Bob."
IKE
tell me. to tar,
?
MAGGIE
You knoheres no...
Before Maggie finisercepts her.
IKE
ell, Im off. A reporters work is
never done.
(o the door)
Mrs. Pressman, thank you.
MRS. PRESSMAN
tootaloo.
INt. AtLANtIC EL - MOMENtS LAtER
GRANDMA JULIA (V.O.)
Id like to explain about the weddings.
t e
off. t;I dos". You
t believe how much cake we were
left hree
think her
father minded spending so much money on
booze t nobody drank.
e el doors,
ts a bag from irud
es iel o Grandma,
tA.
MAGGIE
Ike... hi, Grandma.
IKE
Gram o give me the
skinny on wal
bliss.
GRANDMA JULIA
Rigta. Its
not t she wedding,
s.
I girls are terrified of "the
one-eyed snake".
(getting into it)
ook
a knitting needle o the bed...
Ike winces.
MAGGIE
Actually, Grandma, I che one-
eyed snake awhile ago.
GRANDMA JULIA
O. Ill tell you one
t fet t
.
(a)
You take your hands off your ears,
a. Your teas getting cold.
MAGGIE
you excuse us a minute?
(to Ike)
May I h you, please?
Maggie moves toward door.
IKE
Bye, a... Bye, Grandam.
eps over to Maggie in the doorway.
MAGGIE
I found t kno was
someteresting.
Maggie ;Kind of Blue."
IKE
(excited)
Os Miles Davis. this
is "King of Blue"! the
inal rec. o find in
good dition. here did you find
this?
MAGGIE
(casual)
It tic. It was jus
sitting t.
IKE
Its valuable. o it.
MAGGIE
No. You take it.
Seps outside, leaving Ike he record.
IKE
w kind of music
I like and then finding me a rare album.
Youre n to soften me up, are
you?
MAGGIE
No -- Im ing an attic. I
attempt the impossible.
Surns and o the diner where Mrs. Pressman is
outside ering plants. Ike looks after Maggie and then back
do t makes him sad.
CUt tO:
INt. IKES CAR - LAtER t DAY
Ike drives t food
bag in hE INN hALE BAR, same dump of a
tavern alked to barte.
ANGLE ON: MAGGIES CAR parked a few cars down. he pulls over
and parks. s out and speaks into ape recorder.
I. thE INN hALE BAR -- DAY
Ike approacheres a DRUNK MAN and a
DOG sitting outside. Inside, he back,
arms around eacely Maggie. ther is
definitely not Bob.
MAGGIE
(coaxing)
. Lets go.
As Maggie up, its alter, Maggies
father -- dead drunk.
ALtER
(belligerently)
I
your drivers lise...
tumble and lurg toward Maggies car.
MAGGIE
Im ly her...
Steady.
ALtER
(to Dog)
Good boy, Port hole.
MAGGIE
eady.
ALtER
I c.
(to Drunk)
See you later, Mr. travis.
(to Maggie)
t guy has a problem... Maggie, you
run everyones life but your own.
Maggies rouble keeping eady as she car
door. Ike is to er into the
car.
ALtER (td)
Good daug thers pass
out.
alter passes out on t seat.
MAGGIE
( difficulty)
Ike... Please dont e anything
about this --
IKE
No. Fet about it. Dont even think
about it.
Maggie looks at itude. She car
door s.
MAGGIE
atch y, Dad.
(to Ike)
Im so tired of this.
IKE
you let off in
trunk. Ill take you for a ride.
then well e back for him.
(to Drunk on bench)
Keep an eye on him.
DRUNK MAN
Im too loaded.
IKE
I alking to the dog.
(turning to Maggie)
All right?
Maggie t t. Sakes a deep breath.
MAGGIE
Okay... Ill just grab my jacket.
CUt tO:
EXt. ROAD - LAtE DUSK tO NIGht
Establishing of Ikes car driving.
INt. IKES CAR - LAtE DUSK tO NIGht
Maggie and Ike ride along.
IKE
My dad managed a business and two
mistresses. ed me to be a
. More?
Maggie nods,
IKE (td)
My moted me to bee a
musi. 0 for t at least
Im a journalist and we all know
journalism is literature in a hurry.
EXt. IKES CAR - tRY ROAD - NIGht
Ike and Maggie stare forh seem in melanoods.
to serouble here. Suddenly,
ters and jerks. It so a stop on the shoulder of
the car backfires and smokes.
EXt. IKES CAR - tRY ROAD - NIGht
Ike and Maggie sit in teaming car for a moment.
MAGGIE
Your filters clogged. takes
unleaded.
IKE
you fix it?
MAGGIE
First I o find some tools. I
need a enth.
IKE
(removing his glasses)
Of w?
MAGGIE
(in amazement)
rene.
Maggie slams the food closed.
IKE
Kind of isolated.
MAGGIE
Yeas kind of nice.
An unfortable silent pause. Ike breaks t.
IKE
thing we New Yorkers know
o do is heres no
cab, we walk.
Ike stares off does a building in
taurns off ts.
MAGGIE
I get some tools over there.... and
save ttery... thing
ry girls kno
across a field. Its quicker.
Maggie points diagonally across to ion
sign glos from ter winkle.
o the field.
MAGGIE (td)
Be careful of snakes.
IKE
Snakes? Are you serious? I dont like
snakes. Ive never even seen a snake.
eps carefully into toward Maggie.
MOMENtS LAtER
Maggie leads Ike through a field.
MAGGIE
Do you t
person for everybody?
Ike chooses his words carefully.
IKE
No. But I ttra is too
often mistaken fhtness.
Attra is very misleading. And if
its mutual, its erribly
distrag.
MAGGIE
Yes it is. And it doesnt mean
anything.
Ike nods as to a wooden fence. Ss her hand on
s s to give her a
boost over top. e see tanding cross
Maggies face at tial taeithem moves --
for tricity is obvious.
ANGLE ON: Ike. ed feelings are apparent. ith
difficulty, Maggie straigh quickly remove
their hands.
MAGGIE (td)
(lightly)
I suddenly fot o climb a fence.
t eac, then:
MAGGIE AND IKE
(breaking the
moment jokingly)
"tools".
Shey see
an old guy, LIONEL, wtling on a porch.
MAGGIE (td)
Lionel, I borroools?
IKE
Yeah, we need a half and nine-
sixteenths.
LIONEL
Gonna bust out of another wedding?
IKE
Youre sure well known around here.
EXt. FIS DAY
Establis.
INt. FIS (NYC) - DAY
INt. IKES EL ROOM - DAY
I BEtEEN tO LOCAtIONS:
Ike sits on ing his
breakfast. cape again. Fisher
is cooking an elaborate breakfast. Ellie rusting
ready for work. o Ike.
FIShER
(into phone)
Yes, she may
be running because ss attention...
ive attention is attention.
Like
because of your n, ts ive
attention.
IKE (V.O.)
t ive attention,
not mine. Did you get the
reimbursement for t?
FIShER
(into phone)
No, Im paying for the dress. Do you
till gonna run?
IKE (V.O.)
I dont know.
Ellie e and shakes her head
to up.
INt. IKES EL ROOM - tINUOUS
very o gloat. Fisher is annoying him.
IKE
(into phone)
Look -- Ill be ioday.
Ill e by and tell you all about it.
FIShER (V.O.)
Youre ing here?
IKE
(into phone)
Yeah.
FIShER (V.O.)
then e for dinner.
IKE
(into phone)
Okay, .
FIShER (V.O.)
Order out like a Pine, when you
got t here?...
Ike che Gee Swilling wedding
video.
INt. NE YORK BAR - DAY
the same man
Ike talked to before, is sitting on a stool, nursing his drink.
ter. Ike enters. Gee looks up and reizes
Ike, ool o him.
IKE
Get this man a Kamikaze.
GEE
Splendid disse of Maggie Carpenter,
very professional job.
Ike sits and leans over to Gee.
IKE
(whispers)
You could old me you were fiance
hree.
GEE
And end up in the papers? Ive been
ed enougo last a
lifetime, t
you ed.
IKE
thanks.
GEE
Sradis.
IKE
ell, Im ing anoticle on
the cacophony.
GEE
A stay away from her, you?
Like a moto a flame.
IKE
Guess youd kno t. Youre an
entomologist, right? hows business?
GEE
(taking a sip
of his drink)
Not bad. I raveling around
studying tive and migratory
patterns of locusts w me.
IKE
(sarcastic)
er a locust, feed the world.
GE
Not t Afrid a.
Ike his
guy under .
GEE (td)
You knohe only girl I
ever met ula.
On t date.
IKE (td)
So, tell me, Gee, whink
she ran?
GEE
Same as you said. did you call
;maer", "a dev death
goddess."
IKE
I dont ts why she ran.
GEE
hink she ran?
Ike sips his drink before answering.
IKE
I dont kno. I
rack.
GEE
And you defending her?
IKE
No. I call it like I see it. Im a
journalist. Im a truteller.
GEE
Unbelievable, s to you.
IKE
Oh, please!
GE
Join the club.
(passing him
his drink)
han me.
Gee .
IKE
(proteg, taking
ape recorder
out of )
Im ing an article, Im getting
paid to do ts going to be a
cover story, its going to be published
... ts will be read someday.
As Gee pauses in tape recorder.
IKE (td)
kind of eggs did she like?
GEE
Poac like me.
Gee exits.
CUt tO:
EXt. NE YORK StREEt/FIShER AND ELLIES BUILDING - DAY
Ike reet toward Ellie and Fisher.
CUt tO:
INt. FISMENt (NYC) - NIGht
Ellie is on ters s at
the piano.
FIShER
(sarcastically)
Overpriice apartment and ese
takeout. ts New York living.
ELLIE
(into phone)
... Just call me w.
(o Fisher)
Ike, ory ing? Is she a
maer?
FIShER
Or a vegetarian?
ELLIE
Or does s;NGBS" -- "Nice Guys,
But..." Nice guys, but Im cheap.
Nice guys, but h his mom...
Nice guys, but out of prison.
IKE
No... teresting guys. Each
one of thing going
for .
Anot. Ones a
pretty good guitar player. And this
guy today tried to end world hunger, if
you believe t...
FIShER
ting a plex, buddy?
ELLIE
Fis alk.
IKE
(sits)
But one of t one of
t all. Eae was
vi s for them,
but t see her. And she never
s see her.
Its a very symbolic thing happening.
S sed
to be.
Fis like t Ellie, who
is looking very ied.
FIShER
(in shock)
Ike is turniive and I t
bear to ake a
fres of tea.
ts. Ike goes to the piano as Ellie
picks up the phone.
ELLIE
(into phone)
Yeah... Oh, Jay... Okay... Bye.
(o Fisher)
Fis fet tune
cookies.
S ts serious.
IKE
Is t o you? Is t
see
you?
ELLIE
No. No, you didnt.
he hugs her.
IKE
(felt)
ell -- Im sorry, Im really sorry,
Ellie.
ELLIE
Im sorry, too.
(beat)
o only took us between years
to say.
Ellie blinks back seal tears.
CUt tO:
EXt. tROUtS BARN - t NIGht
e ruck S drive up and
s.
INt. tROUtS BARN - NIGht
Its a small barn ts been verted into a luau h a bar.
A BAND plays for ts ed it
as a little slice of iki lights, numerous
rented plastic palm trees and fiberglass copies of hawaiian
statuary. Strings of colored lighe ceiling.
It looks like a .
Maggies family, Mrs. trout and people , and
more, are tropical drinks garnished
ic leis abound and most people have
mao find ts.
As heir applause and Mrs.
trout announces. op.
LOU tROUt
ele to our annual try luau. As
you knoty and I got married on
ter, Diamond head.
MRS. tROUt
(grabbing the
microphone)
ting our first
dao to-be nehe
King and Queen of hawaii, Maggie and
Bob.
ters. Bob is a goody bronzed god in his King
Kamafit. Maggie is spectacular in ic
looking -up. But s none
of tivities around hen, she looks up
and glances around for Ike, ing .
MRS. tROUt (td)
King and Queen, dance.
Maggie and Bob start to dance as ter sings "Alo;
MRS. tROUt (td)
Everybody dance.
Everybody dances.
tIMES OUt:
Maggie and Bob pose for pictures s.
MRS. tROUt
Pictures of the King and Queen.
Dennis poses rout runs
out of film and goes to get more, leaving Peggy and Maggie alone.
Peggy wo Maggie.
PEGGY
Lighten up, wahine.
MAGGIE
Lig?
PEGGY
ty is for you and Bob. Get
your mind off ter.
MAGGIE
I seen y-four hours.
It just gives me ttle bit.
Id feel better if I knew where he was.
PEGGY
(nods to door)
ould it?
ANGLE ON: Ike just entering ty. At least ried.
a tropical s ed around s and s.
o ted s
very flustered.
PEGGY (td)
are you doing?
MAGGIE
(after a beat)
Im going to go dance h Bob.
Because he man.
(referring to her headdress)
I like those grapes.
Maggie dances affeately rout, tending
bar, greets Ike.
LOU tROUt
o our luau.
I get you?
IKE
You got somet a toy in it?
tIME CUt:
A LIttLE LAtER - CLOSE ON
A pair of expressive pantomime "A Little Grass S;.
PULL BACK tO REVEAL:
Mrs. trout is on stage, introdug estants. Grandma
judges ty is at full tilt -- a
little tle goofy. Some guests (Bob, dy, Cory, Lee
and ted) do ter, Mrs. Pressma turn as
she hears him.
IKE
Alos a very fetg
headdress youre wearing.
Ike leans into Maggie, enjoying the smell of her hair. She
notices, but acts casual.
MAGGIE
o?
IKE
Missed me bad, huh?
tIME CUt:
All ts start banding ter rises
unsteadily, lifting his pineapple.
MRS. tROUt
Attention. Listen to alter. Listen
close, he slurs.
(then)
S up, wahines!
ALtER
In tradition t hrough
t is nooast time! First
up, our , "A ;,
Lou trout..
Lou trout stands h his glass raised.
LOUt tROUt
May t be filled h
be filled
h lead!
ts of "; alter roars.
MRS. tROUt
May tter-patter of little feet
not be Maggies.
MRS. PRESSMAN
May ts be returned!
tED
May tty
as t!
ter ser.
ANGLE ON:
Ike cakes t, raising her glass along
he is.
Ike t believe it.
ALtER
You kno;Youre not
losing a daug; ell, Id like to!
alter gets a bit laugh. he goes again.
ALtER (td)
Maggie may not be
running joke...
(under h)
Maggie finisher.
ALtER AND MAGGIE
-- But sainly test.
Uproarious laugerribly pained. Ikes had
enougo . alter is thrilled. he
she CROD.
ALtER (td)
O a toast?
IKE
I dont knoe.
(to Maggie)
Are you all righis?
MAGGIE
Excuse me?
IKE
Are you all righink
this is funny?
MAGGIE
Yes.
IKE
I dont and I dont think you should...
BOB
Its a joke. theyre kidding.
ALtER AND CROD
(yell)
e on and give us a toast.
IKE
You me to make a toast? Okay...
Ill give you a toast. to Maggies
family and friends. May you find
yourselves the bulls eye of an easy
target. May you be publicly flogged
for all of your bad choices and may
your o rubbed in all of your
mistakes...
Ike . the
guests stare at Maggie. Mortified, sears.
MRS. tROUt
t was funny.
(a pause)
But enougoasts, lets s
start the music up.
Ss everyone up to tune. Maggie
eps and outside. Ike
follo Peggy grabs a coat for ches her go as
Cory approaches.
CORY
ty dollars bet on--
BOB
Not now.
Bob ruser Maggie.
PEGGY
(calling after her)
Maggie. Maggie.
(to Ike, )
s not
really hawaii.
Ike exits. then, Bob es over.
BOB
hered Maggie go?
PEGGY
O to get me something
from the car.
Cory es over o Bob and Peggy. BOB/PEGGY/CORY/
DENNIS C Bart Starr and football. (hich keeps Bob
from going outside to follo it.
EXt. tROUtS BARN - NIGht
Ike runs after Maggie. urns o him.
IKE
Im there
pulling for you.
MAGGIE
You ed me!
IKE
No, Maggie, I defended you.
ing you is w everyone else
is doing. Its ty.
MAGGIE
I under trol. Nohey feel
sorry for me.
IKE
ell, theyre
about to ch you hang yourself again.
Maggie has no response.
IKE (td)
-- tell me something, do you really
care about Mount Everest?
MAGGIE
Its fun! Its high.
IKE
Or ts of locusts?
MAGGIE
t eresting research
Gee was doing!
IKE
kind of Dead s a temporary
tattoo?
MAGGIE
I already explained about t.
IKE
And wo run
the leper y in Molokai?
MAGGIE
(wing)
Brian told you t?
IKE
Or maybe you just ed to he
headdress.
MAGGIE
Every one of times I was being
supportive. Somet
uand.
IKE
Supportive? You being
supportive. You were being scared.
Just like no lost
woman I have ever laid eyes on.
MAGGIE
Lost!
IKE
ts rig you dont
even know how you like ys.
MAGGIE
!?
IKE
it, you liked them
scrambled. ithe Dead head, fried.
its
egg hank you very much.
MAGGIE
ts called ging your mind.
IKE
No, ts called not having a mind of
your own. are you doing, Maggie?
You really to let t man drag
you up Annapuma on your honeymoon? You
dont to climb Annapuma.
MAGGIE
Yes I do!
IKE
No you dont. You a man who will
lead you doh his head
over your eyes just so you discover
t.
You a guy o a
cave to
read you a poem. You a man to
dawn because hes
burning to talk to you and
ao find out w
youll say. Am I right?
. Maggie t speak.
IKE (td)
Am I right?
Ss bagry tears.
MAGGIE
Stop. Stop it! Im getting married on
Sunday, and youre just trying to make
me run! hy? Because youre a ical,
exploitative, mean-ed creep who
kno bit him
in t! And all you do is tear
ot
ticize hey do,
because youre too afraid to do
anything yourself! I read your n.
You never e one about you. Im not
t and you kno!
Am I rig?
ANGLE ON: Bob es outside.
BOB
Mag. here. Green Bay.
Right guard.
Boto Maggie
and gives Ike a very s his arm around his
fiancee.
BOB (td)
You kno Starr, cre
... Are you okay?
Maggie adjusts she .
MAGGIE
Yes.
BOB
Let me take you baside, okay?
Ss him lead her away.
MAGGIE
Jerry Kramer.
Ike looks at her drooped shoulder and he shakes his head and
o his car.
EXt. C DAY
Peggy and dy arrive for they leave dys
dog in Peggys car and o the church.
DY
tell me, wher
wedding rewo days before
this.
PEGGY
Bob is making he
ceremony.
CUt tO:
INt. C
ts in a pew as Bob
leads Maggie and Ike up teps of the church.
BOB
(to Maggie)
Okay, me to have Ike
leave now?
Maggie turns on Ike ;c; ility.
MAGGIE
No. No -- Actually, lets make Ike the
pastor.
IKE
Id rat.
MAGGIE
(sarcastically)
e on, itll give you a great view.
Its perfect.
(seeing Peggy)
hey.
Maggie smiles at Bob. Ike sig. Bob pulls Ike
to the aisle and places him. Peggy follows Maggie
into to get ready. dy sits ed at the an.
BOB
team effort, Pastor Ike... dy, ready?
(after no response)
dy, e on.
dy leaves to join the foyer.
INt. ENt
On talk.
PEGGY
o be tor?
MAGGIE
Yep. I o be front aer
and to g.
PEGGY
the luau?
MAGGIE
(flustered)
... I dont even to talk about
the luau.
(then seeing a hanging rope)
s this?
PEGGY
Its for the bell.
dy joins them.
DY
Bobs in a hurry.
PEGGY
Dont be nervous, Maggie. Let us
visualize. Remember w Bob said?
"Be t;
DY
"Sink tt."
PEGGY
"Make t."
DY
"Not ."
PEGGY
"Never say die."
Maggie puts her hands up.
MAGGIE
Go!
Peggy and dy exit. Maggie pulls the bell rope and sways back
and forthe bell.
INt. ENt
It is Maggies turn to eurn expetly. too
mucime passes. ted plays tops. Maggie
she foyer doorway.
BOB
honey, are you okay?
Maggie sting together. She
o ttle sakes a few
tremulous steps sloh her eyes closed, peeking
occasionally h one eye.
IKE
(taking off )
At t could be an evening
wedding.
BOB
! ! I think were
taking too fast.
o pace.
BOB (td)
e o limber you up a little.
Youre tensing.
(t;
to Ike, moving him
to grooms spot)
You stand here and be me so she knows
o go.
(to Maggie)
Im going to h you.
Bob goes to Maggie and walks behind her.
BOB (td)
Visualize! Visualize! Its game time.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie walking.
BOB (td)
You are tball. Youre spiraling
tohe hands of
the groom.
She aisle. Bob behind her.
MAGGIE
(eyes down)
Yes, Im spiraling the air.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie raises of her as groom.
Ike and Maggie lock gazes. If to, t look
aed -- the love,
the longing.
MAGGIE (td)
I streak tohe goal line.
Maggies pace quis.
MAGGIE (td)
And I land on the goal line.
ANGLE ON:
Bob beams to see Maggies eager arrival at Ikes side. he
sco be the
pastor.
BOB
Okay, Im tor. Dearly beloved,
blah.
Ra ta ta ta. Yabada dabada. I now
pronounan and he
bride, badum dum.
(toed)
e leads to us
rig the...
Ike kisses Maggie. It is a is a
kiss t back. It is
a kiss you only get on your life.
NE ANGLE:
Bobs smile dies. dys mouthe kiss goes on
and on. Peggy loses trol and screams.
BOB (td)
Maggie!!!!?
Like a bucket of er two dogs, Ike and Maggie are
startled out of t and smile at each
other.
ANGLE ON: Bob.
BOB (td)
(furious)
If you .
(to Ike)
the hell were you doing?
IKE
(eyes on Maggie)
Im sorry, Bob. She kissed me back.
MAGGIE
(dazed but happy)
I kissed him back.
BOB
Yea t. ant to tell me
his has been going on?
Maggie looks at Ike, wondrous, fused.
MAGGIE
About a minute...?
IKE
A little longer for me.
MAGGIE
Really?
BOB
do you expect me to say to this?
IKE
-- "I hope youll be very
oget;?
Bob he face. Ike drops.
BOB
I ogether.
Bob storms do of the church.
MAGGIE
(to Peggy)
take care of him.
Maggie leaves.
CUt tO:
EXt. ENt
Bob is the church door
and calls after him.
MAGGIE
Bob, Im sorry!
(o herself)
At least I backed out before the
s progress!
to Maggie. Maggie
calls again.
MAGGIE (td)
Some o make you a lot
han I ever could...
t of the
door, rag after Bob at a full sprint.
MAGGIE (td)
See?
PEGGY
ell, Maggie -- in the words of Mrs.
Pressman: ";. Call me later.
Peggy goes to her car. dy joins her as Bob speeds off in his
car. Noakes Peggys plaext to Maggie. Maggie turns
to face Ike. t red, stammering and uo
look at eag to aal.
MAGGIE
Okay. So...
nohen? In
there?
IKE
I dont know. I, u
even to talk about it.
MAGGIE
Me, either.
Ike GRABS Maggie and BOOM -- ther,
kissing frantically, tongues, .
Blathering fools.
IKE
(blathering)
I love you. I love you.
MAGGIE
(blathering)
I love you, too.
they e up for air.
IKE
ait. e o talk. e o do
some talking now. Pull up a railing.
Maggie sits on ts on the
opposite railing.
IKE (td)
You o go do;I
do". You o get married.
MAGGIE
to who? Are you asking me?
IKE
Me?
Ike backs up to opposite railing and sits fag Maggie.
MAGGIE
Yes, you!
IKE
(thinks)
ell, you do he dress.
MAGGIE
And the church.
IKE
Awo
of us.
(beat)
So, you to
go doh somebody you
love and who love you back.
MAGGIE
Im okay .
IKE
So am I.
MAGGIE
So, well...
t t of. t, ted,
closes the church door.
tED
Good night.
Ike pulls ape recorder out of and quietly speaks
into it.
IKE
Im getting married.
IDE S:
t eag. then, silence.
CUt tO:
EXt. StREEt/LANtIC EL - t NIGht
Ike drives up and parks in front of tel as alks on his
cell phone.
I Ith:
INt. FIS
Ellies on ts nearby.
ELLIE
Ikes going to get married.
Fiso t and rolls himself
er.
ELLIE (td)
( turning to him)
Fis Persian,
Ill kill you.
CUt tO:
INt. BEAUtY SALON - NIGht DAY
Maggie talks to Peggy, dy and Grandma Julia. Grandma Julia
sits under a , ts in .
DY
I love believe
tening to you.
PEGGY
his hair... any color.
GRANDMA JULIA
I like igt.
Peggy laughs.
MAGGIE
Grandma!
PEGGY
(to dy)
See, ture relationship.
S.
CUt tO:
LOVE MONtAGE SS:
EXt. O - DAY
Ike and Maggie fishing.
INt. MAGGIES ORKShOP/hOME - DAY
t.
INt. MAGGIES hOUSE - DAY
Ike and Maggie he game is slapjack.
EXt. FIELD - DAY
Maggie and Ike on their horses
amongst trees, "nuzzling". Ike reads as he pushes Maggie in a
tire swing.
INt. MAGGIES ROOM - DAY
Ike and Maggie open and close a s
opposite ends ih. Grandma looks in.
INt. MAGGIES LIVING ROOM - NIGht
t as Ike
se books. hes
reading somets at t. they seem happy.
EXt. ChE EDDING
It is a media circus including FOUR REPORtERS, Midday h
Meredit-s Vendor. Plus the
reporters are intervieCh KENAN, a
farmer and Grandma Julia. Reporter DINA NAPOLI he
ceps.
DINA NAPOLI (OF BAL)
edding bells are ringing for the
fourtime today in hale, Maryland.
Maggie Carpenter, "Always a Bride --
Never a Bridesmaid", tempting
to plete h wedding ceremony.
ell e ba the
results are in. Back to you, Jessica.
MereditV reporter, films himself
pointing a cheap video camera himself.
MEREDIth
turnout for this ms wedding
is usually reserved for royalty or
ars, but Maggie Carpenter
is ar and
tizens of in full
force today.
t-s Vendor pitches his wares.
t-S VENDOR
I got "Bye-bye Birdie". " part of
I do dont you uand?"... Get
your "Runa; t-ss here...
Reporter JULIE MURPands near Grandma Julia and Mrs.
Pressman.
JULIE MURPhY (el 6)
t an
being around in the beginning
was never her problem. ell be here,
she full wedding ceremony,
we hope.
Reporter JACKI and tIFFANY stand at the CROD
rep.
JACKI/REPORtER #3 (BOC tV16)
ill s s is on the
minds of these several hundreds folks,
wanding his m.
Not to mention on the mind of Groom
Number #4, ex-USA today nist, Ike
Graion.
EXt. INDO OF C. SUNDAY SChOOL ROOM - DAY
I the
ival se. dy sits h Maggie as she leans forward,
doubled over on a co
sit hem.
MAGGIE
(moves to window)
ing. atc
ing.
PEGGY
No, no. I sa geese flying in a
"V".
MAGGIE
You and your lucky geese. You always
see geese.
PEGGY
...
DY
And in a "V".
MAGGIE
Eig;V" could be Victory.
tarting ter "V". Maggie
is nervous.
DY
Rub your ears.
PEGGY
Yes, rubbing your ears is very soothing.
Cory does t to me when I
ilate.
Maggie rubs her ears.
DY
e do it t.
MAGGIE
Its ing.
DY
ell rub.
After t:
PEGGY
hes here! hes here!
t ement.
dy ruso Maggies wedding dress.
DY
Ill get the dress.
MAGGIE
hes here!... hes here!
PEGGY
Noime for calm... If you dont
calm do get your dress on...
(reassuringly)
he one.
Peggy moves to ands alo
t. Soy horse.
MAGGIE
t a good sign.
Maggie goes over to Peggy and dy, and starts to get into her
bridal goio ad lib anding he
letter "V".
DY
e o he Sunday School
kids will be here soon.
CUt tO:
INt. IKES CAR - DAY
Ike pulls up sloS peer the his car window and
wave. Ike rubs his headache.
JULIE MURPhY
ell, t pulled up. there
alk of a "no he is
here.
DINA NAPOLI
Ike Graham is here!
IKESPOV:
akes it all in: a FAMILY eats a fast food piic
on a neiged GUEStS flock by in ty
best, and loES tEAMS block tAtE SENAtOR is
making a speearyland. A large GROUP
of reporters airs, heir
equipment. ter treaming ihe
church. Ike snaps.
EXt. IKES CAR - tINUING
Ike stops t is and jumps out, slamming the door in
aERS s of the car.
tio pound ions as o church
steps. An OLDER LADY smacks h a
neonis and tinues up the
steps. airs and grabs Lee.
IKE
S ours so sh an
ending.
Mrs. Pressman stands, sing Ike h her video camera.
IKE (td)
(pleading)
Mrs. Pressman, please.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Its okay. theres no microphone.
Youre no fun.
IKE
No, Im not.
Ike retreats into to h his
video camera: C Scorsese.
INt. UING
As Fis book, a LOCAL LADY stares at
Ellie. Ellie stares back at il she leaves. Ike walks
aurns smato Ellie and Fiss
hem a big hug.
IKE
Friends. thank you.
Over Ellies shoulder, Ike sees Fishers grinning face.
IKE (td)
e are friends, arent we, Fisher?
FIShER
(grinning)
Of course we are. Of course.
IKE
t man.
FIShER
ell, Im good, I dont know if Im
best.
IKE
Go talk to tor and ell
you o do. And someone ell
me o do.
ELLIE
You al in t suit...
And Ike?
(emotional)
Im happy for you, honey.
Ellie whispers in his ear.
ELLIE (td)
Ill o
w of here if she runs.
Ellie kisses he cheek and walks away.
ANGLE ON:
Bob es up to Ike. o pun
abruptly a rose boutonniere.
BOB
You look awful.
IKE
(sarcastically)
thank you.
Bob o Ike. Ike is schis
and looks up to Ike. It is a moment of y bethe
men.
BOB
Ike. Need help?
akes tonniere and puts it on Ikes lapel.
BOB (td)
Im glad its you.
IKE
Really?
BOB
I didnt to find out I for
er.
IKE
Got any last minute advice?
BOB
(motioning to their eyes)
Maintain eye tact.
Bob turns and leaves, going doaircase.
IKE
(to himself)
Eye tact. Eye tact.
Out of tures of the
ure and whispers.
IKE (td)
Cover me.
o the chapel.
INt. UING
Ike steps up and stands o Fisher.
FIShER
(to Ike)
I Im doing.
IKE
Your job is... the ring.
(to Fisher)
Do you he ring?!
FIShER
I just found out Im best man! Im
lucky I ... s wrong?
Ike gives to Fisor approaches Ike. Ike
turns a over ts.
IKESPOV: t of tONSPEOPLE o
knotle ponytails.
Armani s. t of
smirking, c tories for
cocktail hour. Elaine is in back all dressed in black, m
Ike. Mrs. trout approaches Ike.
MRS. tROUt
You she
wedding car -- a 63 Buick.
IKE
thank you.
MRS. tROUt
Oically family.
Mrs. trout starts pig lint off Fis.
FIShER
hello. Im Fisher.
MRS. tROUt
t to e out.
FIShER
You just pull a hair from my neck.
IKE
Mrs. trout, go back to your seat!
INt. ChURCh FOYER - DAY
Peggy joins Maggie, who is blowing bubblegum and swaying in
front of an oscillating fan. Grandma and alter e in.
Grandma gives he cheek.
GRANDMA JULIA
Good luck, Maggie.
MAGGIE
thank you, Grandma.
Grandma leaves. alter steps up.
ALtER
(quietly to Maggie)
Im really rooting for this one.
MAGGIE
thank you, Dad.
Peggy turns off takes the bag from Maggie.
DY
Spit.
Maggie spits o the bag. Peggy hands Maggie her
bouquet.
PEGGY
Lets go.
MAGGIE
No sauntering do
make time. Lets just get there.
dy and Peggy nod and leave. the door closes.
INt. UING
Botends o Elaine.
ELAINE
hi, Im Elaine from New York.
BOB
h
attempt.
ELAINE
Im sorry.
BOB
ts okay. theres a lid for every
pot. Besides, Im fortable h Ike.
I mean, Jack Dempsey lost his
title to a New Yorker.
ELAINE
I knounney.
to play. t is ted. Grandma, alter,
Mrs. Pressman and trouts crout picks lint off of
.
ANGLE ON:
dy and Peggy enter air of people who have
doo too
quickly. Peggy gives Ike a wink and an encing smile.
INt. UING
ticks his head in.
DENNIS
theyre ready, Maggie.
MAGGIE
Just a sed.
Dennis closes to the
c alone. S back door as
possible escape route, the
start of the door.
INt. UOUS
Immediately, Cory and Dennis open trance.
All ts stand as Maggie ehe chapel smiling.
MAGGIES POV:
tretfinity. Faces goggle at
ion. tiny figure of Ike stands like a
bea a long way off.
NE ANGLE:
Sation step.
ANGLE ON:
Ike rocks imperceptibly, urging her on. Peggy and dy make
little "e on" motions. It seems to be w. Maggie
approaed from skepticism to
looks and noises of encement.
ANGLE ON: MAGGIE
But t gradually begin to slow.
ANGLE ON:
Fistle "darn, so close" look.
ANGLE ON:
But Ike is too busy maintaining eye tact. his eyes urge
Maggie closer -- loving her, willing her on.
CLOSE ON:
Maggie stops easing smile, and then
resumes oward him. his face. her face. his
face. her face.
CLOSE ON:
incher follows.
NE ANGLE:
A sigS as Maggie closes in on Ike. he
smiles at there... Shes
t Ike. testures to ts to sit
dohey do.
ANGLE ON:
Ike sneezes. S
splitting apart. And ss like a bat out of hell! In a
flurry of we, she aisle before Ike knows
w s him.
ANGLE ON:
Ike stands to
a, cer her.
IKE
(yelling out)
Block the doors!
Like a general, s to Dennis and Cory in the bad
sends to a. t in Maggies face. But
so the
tONSPEOPLE stand so Ike he pew. Ike climbs
on tohe aisle, blog his
pato the side aisle and scampers
down and away. Fiss on his cell phone. Ike charges from
one of the pews
aircase to cut
es off in eps of the
c. Ike fumble he
railing, landing on Dennis toe. airs
after er exey.
CUt tO:
INt. C - tINUING
Maggie es doeps aers the church childrens Sunday
sc of KIDS And tEAChERS are doing religious
arts and crafts. As Maggie runs through:
MAGGIE
teps
s of dy in s. If
you tickle him, hell give dy.
S to a little GIRL as she goes by. Ike es
doairs.
IKE
Maggie!
ts. Ike fights his way
through KIDS.
ANGLE ON:
Maggie as scer and
the window is wide enough.
ANGLE ON:
Ike as s to t Maggie is out in driveway.
EXt. UING
Maggie flies toruck at leaving.
ANLE:
Shers her dress and jumps in as Ike yells from window,
t onto truck starts to
pull away.
IKE
Maggie!
Maggie looks bace, tearful aful, and disappears
iruck. truck races off.
tOGRAPurn their cameras on Ike, en masse. he is
enveloped by a barrage s.
Ellie and Fisepped outside on c
steps, are looking around as Ike turns around the er and
past the church.
ELLIE
Look, er her.
FIShER
Look, ty good shape.
ELLIE
Poor Ike.
ter trud cruck
dohe church.
IKE
(running; yells)
Maggie!
ELLIE
hink shes going?
FIShER
is, sen-
ty tomorrow.
dy, Cory, Peggy and Meredit of the churd
ent on Maggies runaill
cruck, yelling:
IKE
Maggie!
As truck rounds the road and disappears, Ike
stops and stares aloer truck. A swarm of
REPORtERS catco ures and asking
questions. Anot to:
A NESPAPER PO
Of Ikes stunned fa today. tion
reads: " and Run: Runarikes again". And we see
her papers.
"MAGGIES MAD DAS;
"S AND BOLtS"
"JOURNALISt RIttEN OFF"
"BRIDE tAKES IKE"
"BRIDE tAKE RIDE"
"MAGGIE SAYS I DONt"
NESPAPER MONtAGE:
INt. NE YORK BAR - DAY
Kevin, tender, reads Jays n, in today
entitled "Maggies Mad Das;.
CUt tO:
EXt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCK - DAY
Various nehe USA
today entitled "Maggie Mad Das; and "s
and Bolts" in another neer.
FADE IN
EXt. MAIN StREEt/ (1-5 MONtER)
Its a nighe regular order of
tored on its quaint streets. Quartet sings
in front of tel. LEE AND CORY C where Peggy
is.
INt. ORE - NIGht
Maggie is sitting, end of a long day. Peggy sticks her head in
entrance door.
PEGGY
You okay? Im closing.
MAGGIE
Im just finisoo.
PEGGY
ant to go to Butchs for a drink or
something?
MAGGIE
(interrupting)
No, Im just going to head home.
PEGGY
Okay.
Peggy starts to go, to Maggie.
PEGGY (td)
(stepping closer
and making a "V"
h her fingers)
You kno t
t geese t;V" was
;". A "" for...
MAGGIE
are you talking about?
PEGGY
edding. edding.
(holding Maggies face)
You just o get t of your
ducks in a row.
MAGGIE
till t he
was....
PEGGY
Quick. Very quick.
Peggy exits. Maggie stares, losing . then a
VOICE startles her.
VOICE
(whispers)
Marry me, Maggie.
Maggie jumps and turns to see: DENNIS -- the high
scball team, popping up from a loiohe
ter.
MAGGIE
(softly)
hi, Dennis.
DENNIS
I am going to propose, you know. I
mean, t urn
eighteen.
MAGGIE
Youre s, Dennis. But youve got
to go. Im closing up. heres a dy
bar and one for your brother.
Dennis takes tarts to go.
DENNIS
Im not giving up. A person s
give up.
Dens. Maggie is alone. Surns out the lamp she
desigurns off the
ter as. e hold on Maggies designed lamp.
CUt tO:
INt. IKES MENt - NIGht
Ike o his door, carrying his mail and a bag of
carryout. o ment. he
pets Italics, aking off his
coat, o o
about marriage and divorce.
CUt tO:
INt. MAGGIES hOUSE - DAY
Dad and Grandma Julia are there. Grandma is making lunch.
alter is juggling es. the
kitcer.
ALtER
ts Maggie. home for lunch.
GRANDMA JULIA
S
ts good.
Maggie he cheek.
MAGGIE
s for lunch?
GRANDMA JULIA
turkey and cheese.
ALtER
her and I were
t opening a
museum.
alter laughs.
MAGGIE
StOP!
alter looks at er in surprise. hes never heard a
tone like this in her voice before.
ALtER
?
MAGGIE
(quiet fury)
Just stop it. Dont say another word
like t.
ALtER
(putting dohe es)
Maggie, its just a joke...
MAGGIE
No. Its my life.
ALtER
A harmless joke.
MAGGIE
No, its ing and youve been
doing it since I
like it. Stop. You may not like
er
guess like having a
fatime. Ill
eat in my room.
Maggie takes a plate as.
GRANDMA JULIA
t o be said. You know --
youre al her,
so t make jokes about your
drinking.
alter reacts.
CUt tO:
INt. IKES APARtMENt - DAY
Ike goes out on errace. ball. It
doesnt bounce. s on teps of tio an stares.
CUt tO:
INt. MAGGIES ORKROOM/GYM - DAY
Maggie is kickboxing.
CUt tO:
INt. MAGGIES ORKROOM/GYM - ANOthER DAY
Maggie is a bit melancholy as she works on her lamps.
CUt tO:
INt. IKES APARtMENt - ANOthER DAY
Ike quietly sits in bed ing and staring into space thinking.
sits on the windowsill.
CUt tO:
INt. MAGGIES ORKROOM/GYM - NIGht
Maggie jumps rope barefooted late at night.
MAGGIE
I need a plan... A plan to life...
would Bruce Lee do? hed kie
ass...
CUt tO:
INt. MAGGIES KIt - DAY
Maggie in front of plates full of all sorts of types of eggs --
scrambled, poac, soft boiled, etc
-- sits on tcer. Sies them all.
EXt. NE YORK StREEt - DAY
Establis. try to fix taxi
outside taurant.
CUt tO:
EXt. NE YORK StREEt - DUSK
Eke -s Vendoes into a subation.
EXt. A - DUSK
Ike crosses a busy street wed. Ike is
passing t;Millennium ore".
tops and looks again. the window
display is made up of an assortment of Maggies lamps. Logo
"MAG" is on them. he smiles and walks on.
EXt. tRAL PARK RESERVOIR - DUSK
Ike stares out at er as he walks.
EXt. IKES APARtMENt BUILDING - NIGht
Ike reet, enters his building.
INt. IKES APARtMENt - NIGht
Ike opens to ment and flicks on ts. he
crosses to in t. In t mirror, he
sees and is stuo find: MAGGIE, sitting on the couch
alics, t.
MAGGIE
hello, Ike.
and crosses to his desk.
IKE
Dont tell me. My doorman is one of
your many admires... I knew I should
ter Cmas gift.
Maggie smiles tenuously. Stle terrified.
MAGGIE
Ive been making friends .
(then)
Is it okay t Im here?
IKE
I dont ter
no I t speak for
Italics.
(to Cat)
traitor!
o t.
MAGGIE
I dont blame you for being mad...
Ike looks at ly t;mad" is an uatement.
MAGGIE (td)
... Or... furious.
Ike looks at her again.
MAGGIE (td)
... Irate? Livid? ?
arts putting cat food in a bo leaves Maggies
side and starts to east.
IKE
Livid is good. So , Maggie?
You here on business? I saw your lamps.
terrific.
MAGGIE
Its someted to do.
Ike leaves ts on ts aers
the baly.
IKE
You actually could make breaking and
entering into a new career.
(after opening
the glass doors)
So, w are you doing here?
MAGGIE
I ed to talk to you about why I run
or ride ahings.
Ike moves aeps he baly
ening.
IKE
(after sitting)
Does it matter?
MAGGIE
I think so... hen I was walking down
toward
somebody w have any idea who I
really was only he
ot, because I had
done everyto vince I
ly was
good t I didnt go t
because it would
you -- you knehe real me.
IKE
Yes, I did.
MAGGIE
I didnt. And you being t the
end of t just fix t.
Ike takes t the defenses
go back up. urns to her.
IKE
No, I couldnt fix anything...
(as s up)
But I still ended up cruck.
Ike moves out to ter a moment, Maggie follows him.
EXt. BALY/IKESAPARtMENt - NIGht
tral Park. twinkling lighe
city stretc across tiful nig at
to Maggie as she speaks.
MAGGIE
I uand wruck.
Let me explain somet is,
youve see my , most
embarrassing, deviously plotting,
potentially but not certifiably,
psycic state. And if you liked me
t imagine...
(crosses to him)
Be.
Ike has no response.
MAGGIE (td)
I love eggs Be. I e all the
other kinds.
Sates.
MAGGIE (td)
... I e big h everybody
staring. I o get married
on a weekday w work.
If I ride off into t, I
my own horse.
IKE
Sing this down?
Surns to the box.
IKE (td)
s this?
MAGGIE
these are for you.
. Its her running shoes.
IKE
Used?
MAGGIE
turning in my
running so you.
IKE
tting serious.
Now s he full force of her.
MAGGIE
And one more ts hard
to believe there could be more. Um...
Maggie glances around and spots a DECK s so
it is fag ty ligly says:
MAGGIE (td)
If you could , please.
Ike sits. Maggie takes ts it aide. And
ts down on one knee.
IKE
(laughing)
Oh my God. No.
Maggie smiles up at ips his head bad covers his
eyes h his hand.
MAGGIE
No, no -- dont his
only ime. Its
definitely a first to me, and youre
not going to to miss it.
Maggie.
MAGGIE (td)
I love you, homer Eisenhraham.
ill you marry me?
Ike swallows, overwless.
IKE
Maggie, I gotta t this a
little bit.
Maggie o .
MAGGIE
(cheerful)
Good.
Ss off ands.
MAGGIE (td)
I was .
IKE
(laughing)
You .
MAGGIE
I ;yes&quht
a get to say t
part. And Ive been practig it.
(pulling up a chair
and sitting)
Ready?
IKE
Im listening.
MAGGIE
(tenderly)
"I guara well ough
times. I guara at some point
one or bot to get out.
But I also guara if I dont
ask you to be mine, Ill regret it for
t of my life. Because I know in
my -- youre t;.
Ike takes ionately.
IKE
Pretty good speech, Maggie.
MAGGIE
I borro from this guy I know.
So?
Ike looks into Maggies ss up and
motions o stay seated. he goes inside and
turns on some music. t is sitting by the radio. he
returns to takes Maggies hand.
IKE
Dance h me.
tart to dance a slow dance.
DISSOLVE tO:
EXt. LARGE GREEN FIELD - DAY
e see a op of it is a Pastor marrying Maggie and
Ike, iiful tire. e see Maggie walk down a
leaf-lined aisle to a ing Ike. the vows
and ;I do". twirling, whirling
kiss, a circular kiss. e ty
people. Sloy people e over t of
the
old grooms. twos, like a love Noahs ark.
e see ot the news.
INt. ChURCh - DAY
Priest Brian Maggies wedding.
INt. BAKERY - DAY
Mrs. trout Maggies wedding.
INt. NE YORK BAR - DAY
Gee, Groom #3, Maggies wedding.
INt. ELLIES OFFICE OR APARtMENt - DAY
Ellie and Fis Maggies wedding.
EXt. FIELD - DAY
ANLE:
Maggie and Ike finally break takes her hand and
wo wo horses, ride
off he group cheers,
Maggie t. e see it float in the air.
FADE tO BLACK.
thE END
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