Iing doions of my early years so far removed from time itself. My parents, long gone from my ed    only once, abides more persistently in mind t I did yesterday or ers, noo ts to me, tcs of curls, cicipation a, may rue eartion    of joint.

        My first nigime foray into t me exed. I burros and blas and furs, and by    midday, a fever burned. Zanzara broug tea and a boy broto "drink, drink, sip it." But I could not stomacter    get eettled and my bones ached.

        Sleep bre, mares ones. My fatree , t;Dont be so ;

        t streaming from an old Ford, t, its breation s red ;; And so my face, taking my co kiss me on t I ot remember my name.

        Aniday. A o a t take off in unison, flying a ting, singing tornado of urns after to to t and so    my skin splits a seam on bot drums against my ribs until ed by trating ire mind, I see to t, my ters, and t me. tand like stones, like trees, staring into to jump into ter, I may reacer once carried me aand on t in a voice t ot be and.

        I dont kno snug and safe, altiffness and my insides felt scraped raending me, Ragno and Zanzara played cards, using my belly as a table. t mao ss from many different packs, tful, and t in a jumble on my stomach.

        "Do you ; Ragno asked.

        Zanzara scratched his head.

        ed at ;que, que."

        "Go fis;

        And fisurning over card after card until criumply before g urn to Zan-zara.

        "You are a cer, Ragno."

        "And you are a bloodsucker."

        I coughed, making my sciousness known.

        ";

        Zanzara put    my fore;Let me get you someto eat. A cup of tea, maybe?"

        "You been asleeping a long time, kid. ts    foing out ;

        I looked around t as usual at midday, every-one else was gone.

        " day is it?" I asked.

        Zanzara flicked out oasting t;Id say tuesday."

        "No, I mean ;

        "Kid, Im not even sure    is."

        Ragno interrupted. "Must be getting to;

        "Did I miss Cmas?" I felt    time in ages.

        their shoulders.

        "Did I miss Santa Claus?"

        ";

        " out of ;

        Ragno poio a patwo evergreens.

        ";

        turned around and skipped a like g, but tears    e. A fierce gale ble, puss, I observed troubles, until ttering ook no more notie tarted a small fire by striking a flint until a spark cauged pantry and dug out our meager fare, ly skinning a partially frozen squirrel    strokes of a very so our old teapot and filled it er draern. Coasted pis on a flat griddle. t engaged in cooking took off t ss, excerdays gear, noine proceeded    fuss and    versation; t. As t, Smaolaco co discover me a.

        "Aniday, youve e back from t;

        o my feet. e embraced, but    my sides aco ted me ieer, and Igel s my inued ing to be served, arms crossed at . e set to ts, tite of all assembled. After t stringy bites, I pusin plate. t made everyones face gloheir smiles shine.

        After supper, Lued for me to e closer, and    as rays of pink sunliging tones were four small envelopes.

        "take t; ed, top stoers before    to e poucracted but ted y. "Merry Cmas, little treasure. Someto get you started."

        "So it is Cmas today?"

        Luco see if anyone ening. "You did not miss it."

        "Merry Cmas," I said. And I tore open my gifts, ruining t tters, but t so valuable in and of tgage stub    enclosed, and at reaty, Luco use as rolling paper for tes. t piece of correspondeer to tor of truman. Cov-ered bot and bag t scuttled from margin tin, t paper proved useless. t, I o e bethem.

        Feb. 2, 1950

        Dearest,

        t ment so mue t I t uand en si nigold me t you loved me and I love you too, but still you    ans tters and nobody anselep your    in t of doing    because you told me t you loved me and you ed to let you kno I am not t kind of girl.

        I am t kind of girl leman to beleman.

        Please e bae or better yet call me on t angry so mufused, but I    here from you.

        I love you, do you kno?

        Love,

        Martha

        At time, I sidered tter to be truest expression of real love t I     to read, for Marte in cur-sive, but tters t resembled printing. tter baffled me more t, but it, too, used only ters of t side of the page.

        2/3/50

        Dear Mother,

        ords ot begin to express to you at tter place. I am sorry t I ot e    Ive not enougrip. So, all my felt grief must be s insuffit letter.

        inter drao a cold and un fair, since you    Nana, and I, near everything.

        Your Son

        ed t only about ta about my professed literacy, for almost no one in camp boto read or e any longer. Some    learned, and otet. e sat in a ring around t I could, not fully preanding t; do you t?" Speck asked ter I had finished.

        "ter," Onions said.

        Kivi pus in t. "I do not uand    e baart t is noto t;

        "Yes," C;per married, and ter."

        "ell, I ; added Blomma.

        Into t tion floed poetical fis about teries of t tters outside our knoing. But til to embers; tled uogetie of ters, ts, and tended readers. I    to use t became bitterly cold, and soon all tangle of limbs.    of us , I suddenly remembered t;Merry Cmas!" I said, but my greetings broug;S; and "Go to sleep." During t    me on t my sore ribs. In a dark er of tfulness, I ed for m, tters pinned against my c.

        ted against a bla of rum t began in brigern edge and fanned out in soft pastels. Brancrees broke tments, like a kaleidoscope. tern sed il it all dis-sipated into blue and    of bed, I savored t gr enouging. I took out my papers and pencil, put a cold flat stone in my lap, and folded tgage statement into quarters. I dre once odd and familiar in my grasp. In t panel, I created from memory my moters, and myself, full-body portraits lined up in a straiged in myself. In t panel, I dre ive. Liged by traiging from a circle on tending outo opposite ers of ttened Cmas tree, lavised, a pile of gifts spread out on ture of a boy drowning. Bound in spirals, he wavy line.

        o Smaolacer t afternoon, ook me by to    of ions to make sure o quarters and    bae.

        "You must be more careful    you draures."

        "s tter?"

        "If Igel finds out, ts tter. You o real-ize, Aniday, t    accept any tact    ;

        "t?"

        "." Smaolacucked it into my coat pocket. "Some tter kept to yourself,"    me and walked away, wling.

        riting proved more painful taiers—B, G, R, —caused my o cramp. In tings, sometimes my K bent back astray, an F actally became an E, and ot are amusing to me no at time, my ing caused me muc. orse t,    spell for beans and lacked all punctuation. My vocabulary annoyed me, not to mention style, di, senteructure, variety, adjectives and adverbs, and ot-ters. t of ing took forever. Sentences o be assembled nail by nail, and onplete, tood er tion of    or ed to say, a    I persisted t m, ing doaiory of my abdu and tures as    memories of life before tten more ters, my dear bed, my s of ed to be o me in due course, but    Lucters, I    to look for    of paper, my mission o find more.
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