INt. ORE - tINUOUS

        Peggy and Mrs. Pressmaer, worried.

        MRS. PRESSMAN

        You tell Maggie.

        PEGGY

        No, you tell her.

        MRS. PRESSMAN

        No, no. Youre    friend.

        PEGGY

        No.

        MRS. PRESSMAN

        (holding her

        neer)

        You knos just possible t she

        read t.

        PEGGY

        Yeah.

        MRS. PRESSMAN

        Maybe s read the paper...

        Ooday opeo the

        article about Maggie.

        MRS. PRESSMAN (td)

        ... Or not!

        e folloairs ihe hale hardware

        Store, ttiest, most weling ss kind anywhere

        in small to of

        ter; botop and se brightness,

        cy. Maggie es doeps

        o an elderly er, MR. PAXtON.

        MAGGIE

        (bright)

        ique    er

        ;" still on it,

        guarao fit any Ameri Standard

        cast iron tub er

        made bether

        of the

        dogon.

        MR. PAXtON

        (amazed)

        hallelujah.

        MAGGIE

        Alrigon, Ill put it on

        your at.

        Maggie rounds tomer, EARL, stands by the

        paint mae.

        EARL

        Maggie.

        MAGGIE

        ( er)

        You dont need an air ditioner, Earl,

        you just need an atti -- theres

        more in the back.

        Maggie steps be ter of tore and takes the

        at book out. rails off as she dour

        expression on the faces of her friends.

        MAGGIE (td)

        ?

        Peggy nervously mentions the neer.

        PEGGY

        (delicate)

        So -- Mag -- youve seen this, huh?

        MAGGIE

        (serious)

        Yes, Ive seen it. And I o say

        its t and most offensive...

        joke anybodys ever played on me!

        to t, Maggie starts smiling.

        MAGGIE (td)

        You guys! ake you?

        Maggie stays amused.

        MAGGIE (td)

        this done?

        (laughing)

        You creeps! I se you!

        And his

        is four.

        PEGGY

        Uold us to bacte

        jokes, so ...

        Maggie looks at tri face of her friends.

        MRS. PRESSMAN

        holy moly.

        Peggy looks like so cry hy fgie.

        Maggie is starting to feel unfortable. She looks down,

        dubiously, at the paper.

        MAGGIE

        Um, you know, now would be a good

        moment to tell me this is fake.

        (no response)

        It    be funny if y it out.

        Okay?

        (no response)

        Okay, ...

        Real neers smear. Phoney papers

        dont.

        S against her apron, leaving

        an INK SMEAR!!

        She nearly kneels over.

        MAGGIE (td)

        (sitting)

        Bag.

        Peggy and Mrs. Pressman immediately spring to hey

        give o breathe in.

        MRS. PRESSMAN

        Bag.

        CUt tO:

        INt. MAGGIES ORKOUt ROOM/GYM - NIGht

        e see Maggie kickboxing in ahe radio is on. She

        suddenly stops, yanks Ikes article off the wall, leaves her

        area and goes to her desk.

        ANGLE ON DESK AREA:

        Surns off to type ter.

        MAGGIE (V.O.)

        "Dear Editor..."

        EXt. MANtAN - DAY - EStABLIS

        As Maggies VOICE-OVER tio read ter, ake in

        a Mantan busy day. It is big, loud, and anonymous.

        MAGGIE (V.O.; td)

        "Greeting from ticks! Perhaps you

        believe t a rural education is

        focused mainly on hog calling and

        traaintehan reading.

        a piece of

        fi about me and call it fact?"

        te CAMERA FINDS Ike, striding across a busy street, dodging

        taxies. A OMAN smacks h a neer. he passes a OMAN

        tRAFFIC OFFICER, t dog stand. s and passes a

        FALAFEL VENDOR. to a USA today truck.

        MAGGIE (V.O.; td)

        "I suppose Mr. Graoo busy

        tatements about

        o both

        something silly like accura

        rep. andable,

        because ;maer" like me on

        time to cs?"

        EXt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCKS - tINUOUS

        he passes regular GUYS who cheer him.

        MAGGIE (V.O.; td)

        "Still, ic queens    get

        pretty ky whings in

        print t    our feelings, like t

        ely abandon fiances h

        malice aforet."

        INt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCKS - tINUOUS

        ers to Ellies office.

        INt. USA tODAY OFFICE - tINUOUS

        y room. tracts a

        lot of attention from tle

        surprised, but hes pleased.

        MAGGIE (V.O.; td)

        "ts wo find Mr.

        Graor was a woman. Call me a

        seal fool, but I sort of hoped

        er could stick toget;

        Ike ors office. ChUFFA

        Ike greets various o tors

        secretary, ELAINE. S smile.

        IKE

        (to Elaine)

        Ill put in a good word for you.

        ELAINE

        No, no, doion my name in there.

        IKE

        hy?

        A buzz.

        ELAINE

        You    go in now.

        Ike goes into Ellies office. Elaine picks up her phone.

        CUt tO:

        INt. ELLIES OFFICE - tINUOUS

        ELLIE is t editor. Stylish and successful looking, shes

        about Ikes age. Ellie sits beh a scowl on

        ty face. s

        noncly on ters as Ellie reads

        Maggies letter.

        ELLIE

        (readier)

        "Any dropping you big city

        folk ttle o say t I have

        t of a ritual sacrifice t would

        satisfy my current appetite: Ike

        Grater. Yours

        truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S. -- I

        of the gross

        factual misrepresentations in your

        article. teen."

        Ike sits as Ellie puts tter doakes off her glasses.

        IKE

        (cs)

        Fully. I like .

        ELLIE

        I left four messages. You dourn

        my calls.

        IKE

        So? I never returned your calls, even

        ws

        Fisher doing here anyway?

        Fiss and places a po of t on a bookshelf on his

        o the room.

        FIShER

        Ellie asked me to e doo offer

        moral support.

        IKE

        Since when does Ellie need moral supp--

        ELLIE

        -- Its for you, Ike.

        IKE

        ?

        ELLIE

        Journalism lesson number one. If you

        fabricate your facts, you get fired.

        Ellie pusoday later across the desk for him

        to read. Ike picks it up and skims tter. his face is as

        impassive as stone.

        IKE

        Lesson wo. Never work for your

        former spouse.

        ELLIE

        ts not noto do . You

        cooked tory up and you kno.

        IKE

        I didnt cook up a story. I had a

        source.

        ELLIE

        Someone reliable, Im sure. A booze-

        hound in a bar?

        FIShER

        In vias.

        IKE

        Dont knock drunk guys in bars. Drunk

        guys in bars are good. It means

        t driving.

        Ike gets up and stands near Ellie, making .

        IKE (td)

        Besides, Im a nist. t

        nists are supposed to do. this is

        ch, we

        go out on a limo. ts w makes me

        good!

        ELLIE

        No, ts w makes you unemployed.

        IKE

        I merely e tuff. Youre the

        o serves it up.

        Ike puts doter and puts o his

        pocket.

        ELLIE

        Not anymore. I o drahe line.

        (pushing a piece

        of paper)

        S us t. Our lawyers say

        its aable.

        Ellie .

        IKE

        (scoffs)

        Lawyers.

        (gla list)

        I dont know, Ellie -- Firing me is

        going to be very tougs

        going to be o get over. there

        herapy bills for you.

        ELLIE

        (shrugs)

        I already made an appoi for later

        today.

        IKE

        (putting t

        doanding)

        See? You    custody of my job? ...

        just sider my    slapped

        and call me when you feel Ive served

        my time?

        ELLIE

        Im sorry, Ike. t.

        Fis eacher

        for a sober moment.

        ELLIE (V.O.; td)

        If you go quietly, Ill get you

        severance pay.

        Ellie fidgets oy rake, the door.

        tle at truth of her words and walks

        out. Ellie collapses ba o her and

        rubs her shoulders.
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