I ran. I jumped over tairs t a time, lost my footing and lu t. I grasped at a umbled, saved myself and lurc at my es as my feet scrabbled tritus of the broken house.

        At last, iably, I craso the ground, and a wild cry escaped my lips.

        ‘Oartle you? Oh dear.“

        I stared back the archway.

        Leaning over t ton or monster of my imaginings, but a giant. airs, stepped daintily and unedly to stand over me most    on his face.

        ‘Oh my goodness.“

        -four or -five, and    to shrink around him.

        ‘I never meant… You see, I only t… Because you’d been time, and… But t doesn’t matter no?“

        I felt reduced to t for all    dimensions, too,    oo plump for ly around acles. transparency.

        I must oo, per by my side and took my .

        ‘My, my, t e a tumble you took. If only I’d… I s high. hmm.“

        My singing. I reavestigate a tear in trousers, and my fingers came away bloodied.

        ‘Dear, o’s t? Is it broken?    you move it?“ I , and ture of relief.

        ‘tay t get te.“ And off .    danced delicately in and out of tly up tairs, o te fooing on below.

        I took a deep breated.

        ‘I’ve put ttle on,“ urned. It -aid kit e , and ook out an aic lotion and some gauze.

        ‘I al    in t old plae of t for years. Better safe tinging pad against my cut s’s be brave, shall we?“

        ‘Do you ricity here?“ I asked. I was feeling bewildered.

        ‘Electricity? But it’s a ruin.“ ared at me, astonision, as t    my reason.

        ‘It’s just t I t you said you’d put ttle on.“

        ‘Oove. I used to “—urned ea from a t very nice, is it? No sting very badly?“

        ‘Only a bit.“

        ‘Good girl. Quite a tumble t ea—lemon and sugar all right? No milk, I’m afraid. Ne.“

        ‘Lemon will be lovely.“

        ‘Rig’s make you fortable. topped, so tea outdoors?“    to t t of tc. ited, to get to my feet.

        ‘Don’t move!“

        t danced back to do myself being raised into tside.    me sides I had admired an hour earlier.

        ‘You    tea!“ and    bato tairs and disappeared into trance of third room.

        ‘fy?“

        I nodded.

        ‘Marvelous.“     us introduce ourselves. My name is Love. Aurelius Alp me expetly.

        ‘Margaret Lea.“

        ‘Margaret.“ e splendid. No.“

        Bet icky slice of cake, cut generously. I bit into it. It    cake for a cold day: spiced    but . traraiea into dainty cook a blue velvet pouc pocket,    ed A in tylized angel oring took it, stirred my tea and passed it ba.

        e and drank, my    sat on t, ed kittenis girte in sileneatly and ration. c, too, anxious t I se the food.

        ‘t was lovely,“ I said. ”hink?“

        ts    te, and to verse rical air, as t o tock-still, regarded us curiously. Unblinking, alert, nostrils tcted it, it made no attempt to run but decided, on trary, not to be afraid.

        My panion    and folded it into four. “You liked it to me by Mrs. Love. I’ve been making ted no    it    to be.”

        ‘I see.“ t sure I did see. as Mrs. Love    mean hough: he had loved her and she was dead. ”I’m sorry,“ I said.

        ed my dolences ened. “But it’s a fitting memorial, don’t you the cake, I mean?”

        ‘Certainly. as it long ago? t you lost her?“

        . “Nearly ty years. t seems more. Or less. Depending on    it.”

        I nodded. I he wiser.

        For a fes    in silence. I looked out to t t across the grassy park.

        tinging in my leg ter.

        ‘tell me…“ tranger began, and I suspected o pluck up to ask ion. ”Do you her?“

        I felt a start of surprise. People ice me for long enougo ask me personal questions.

        ‘Do you mind? Five me for asking, but—    it? Families are a matter of… of… But if you’d rat— I am sorry.“

        ‘It’s all rig mind.“ And actually I didn’t. Per ting, but it seemed t anyt say about myself o tever I said to ion. ”Yes, I do her.“

        ‘A motense expression came into    could be pleasao    ation to say more.

        ‘You don’t hen?“ I asked.

        Aurelius’s face ted momentarily. “Sadly—I ed— Or a fato t. Even broters. Anyone o me. As a co pretend. I made up aire family. Geions of it! You’d o laug in    as to an actual motual, kno . It’s a question of kno one day— For it’s not out of tion, is it? And so I have never given up hope.“

        ‘Ah.“

        ‘It’s a very sorry t ed to be casual, but . ”I so her.“

        ‘Mr. Love—“

        ‘Aurelius, please.“

        ‘Aurelius. You kno al as you might suppose.“

        ‘A seemed to    revelation to    me. ”Squabbles?“

        ‘ly.“

        andings?”

        I shook my head.

        ‘orse?“ upefied.     be in the woods and finally, in my eyes.

        ‘Secrets,“ I told him.

        ‘Secrets!“ o perfect circles. Baffled, tempt to fat last. ”I don’t knole about families. My ignorance is vaster t ts. I’m sure you are rigo feel as you do.“

        passion warmed ly folded we handkerchief.

        ‘I’m sorry,“ I said. ”It must be delayed shock.“

        ‘I expect so.“

        oo see a se: t of t leaped ligo trees.

        ‘I t you old    ton.“

        ‘A skeleton! Me! A skeleton!“ ed, and ire body seemed to sh.

        ‘But you turned out to be a giant.“

        ‘Quite so! A giant.“ er from , you knohey say.“

        I kno said, I sa    my g alking about.

        ‘?“

        ‘No,“    even t.“

        e sat in silence for a moment, eacemplating gs of our own.

        ‘It’s getting chilly,“ I remarked.

        ‘Leg feeling all right?“

        ‘I t’s bad tried my ’s mucter now.“

        ‘onderful. onderful.“

        Our voices ening light.

        ‘ly was Mrs. Love?“

        ‘took me in. Shing, really.“

        I nodded.

        tually. I ougo try for some pos at t quite disappears. tea.”

        ‘I must be off in a fees myself. It o meet you, Margaret. ill you e again?“

        ‘You don’t actually live fully.

        he cake.

        ‘Bless me, no. I ured to e ernoons. For, ’s say for plation, shall we?“

        ‘t down soon. I suppose you know?“

        ‘I kno, absently, fondly. ”It’s a s it? I sually I t you    you’re not.“

        ‘No, I’m not a surveyor. I’m ing a book about someone wo live here.“

        ‘the Angelfield girls?“

        ‘Yes.“

        Aurelius nodded ruminatively. “t.” For a moment his eyes were far away.

        ‘ill you e again, Margaret?“ he asked as I picked up my bag.

        ‘I’m bound to.“

        o    and dre a card. Aurelius Love, traditional Englisering for eddings, gs and Parties. ed to telepelep e to ttage and I’ll make you a proper tea.”

        Before ed, Aurelius took my ted it in an easy, old-faseps and he heavy doors behind him.

        Sler I    met—met and befriended. It    unlike me. And as I passed te, I reflected t perranger. as it just my imagination, or since meeting Miss inter    quite myself?

        GRAVESI    it too late for t, and pograp of tion. So I took my notebook out for my y but a small one, and t so very many graves. I found Joo t of our Lord, ed for tes and inscriptions into my notebook. One of t, a gay bunc closer to see ten.

        t see t it did not puzzle me for more te. t ombs ories carved into t    ed tone ared vaults betimbers and ted, I peered at tones and mos in tiny curies all aper loquacious line of en, expensively carved into costly marble. Anoto decipions; for today it was only a handful of names I was looking for.

        ity came to an end. C hey who decided—

        seemed not to o any great lengtions to e. Released from eartone’s laic message. Isabelle’s role in ture from it    ventional terms: Mucer, so a better place. But I copied it into my notebook all tion. You sically young as    still, not ao die.

        I almost missed Ced every otone in t to give up, one. So small , and so black, t it seemed designed for invisibility, or at least insignifice. to give relief to tters so, uo make t by eye, I raised my    tyle, ips, one    a time.

        CO t.

        E ShALL NEVER SEE hIM MORE.

        tes.

        I felt a sudde Vida inter? And    seemed to me t tain ambiguity in t t? Or triump fareo a bad lot?

        Leaving to tes, I felt a lig ? t, per eyes of tself? Most probably it    a deer, che woods.

        ‘It’s a s evening, ”t you ’t e home for a few hours.“

        ‘I am ested, feigning ignorance. But I kne alking about. trut I couldn’t bear inny brigine paleness of    in my mot ty daugness ay ale time,“ I explained. ”Miss inter is anxious t ill Cmas, after all. I’ll be back again then.“

        ‘Yes,“    will be Cmas soon.“

        do anyt it.

        ‘I’ve packed a feo take baiss inter’s    a note on the index.“

        ‘t’s fine. No problem.“

        t nig of sleep, a pressure on ty of bone pressing against my fleshes.

        It is    last!

        All I o do is open my eyes and look at    fear paralyzes me.     is t from t terrible t t I am about to join myself—rejoin myself—to?

        the fear dissolves.

        I have woken up.

        ts is gone, a figment of sleep. I do not know wed.

        I got up, repacked my ter dao tation for t train north.

        Middles

        ER ARRIVES

        ‘ Y; by time I retur s dying days, about to tilt into December.

        December gives me ite. It makes me restless in my reading. It keeps me a nigs damp, c starts to ti t of December, measuring tes, ting doo a certain day, t like December.

        ting us into aernal dim to room, colleg desk lamps and standard lamps and reading lamps from guest rooms t o keep at bay t lurked in every er, under every s and ts of tery.

        Miss inter asked no questions about my absenor did sell me anyt t even after so s an absence, o see. tly empty folds around o e li ing before I left    crept along eag tallies to a e y, s overrode boted myself in t before I    doaken out my notebook, so speak, pig up tory    ained a moment longer.

        it    in t someteen; it    ao be left unatte be sent to sc sc co be out of tion, it    a governess should be employed.

        A governess     a pretty name, but t a pretty girl.

        Dr. Maudsley a all. C    sulted. tor approacor, as    was done.

        icipation, eacicular mix of emotion. t an instinctive suspi er o ed ing—for sations. S    till a sense of discipline in tore manners and sanity to t, so great led and ic life t in t of took to issuing orders, as t of ply. Needless to say, ook no notice.

        Jo entirely ile.    be drao t ony sileo ence timism t o take root in . “If s kind of person…” ster t ared out of tc be draed t ake to meet t tation    rude. “I’ve not got time to be traipsing across ty after damned scresses,” or o make arras to collect    arden, Jo been t ure. t a fresened properly for years. Jouated to secrecy, foresarouble.

        In our separate    daunted. All except C is.    of sigtering t sime to time, a din to    iced. In ion of day or time, and t noto him.

        e    m in one of t rooms on t floor. A bedroom, you’d , if t ed t t ran ttern of tains. itiously put it in , ready to add later to tas ratio or not, saminated by tation t    the house.

        It rokes of     t door, to , to , and took us for a trick of t or a ed by tever s ’t have been us.

        But ared. e didn’t knoo ter , s: all in tinct tint. inguisure. A ared. e stared at il our eyes actle face ed. Someted from    a gloic.

        e    it    before.

        e found out later, though.

        er was . Scrubbed and soaped and rinsed and buffed and polished all over.

        You    imagine w s of Angelfield.

        a quarter of an    ao see ed. And ed. Not    time, . All our expertise in    going to e looking for us. And s e. e    in ty t seeded itself in us despite our resistance. e became atteo tairs: Joure, some banging and knog. t fell quiet. At lunc go. At six tayed on in t to be reed h.

        Later came tting ready for bed. Footsteps on tairs, table, Miss,” and teel i, “I’m sure I rouble.”

        ‘About the girls, Miss Barrow-—“

        ‘Don’t you    t. Good night.“

        And after t siously doairs, all .

        Nig. Except us. ttempts to teaigime ened and    t scrat doairs, to the larder.

        t open. time, but tonig betrayed itself race of fresh oil.

        Emmeline ed patiently, blankly, for to open, as sed before. fident t in a moment tter and jam for taking.

        But to panic. t. t’s    of fiddling to know wched which lock.

        t y.

        Emmeliirred, antly at the delay.

        to a real c s catc . You could al into one of ttages for a snack.

        ted, topped. No amount of tugging and jiggling could free it. It adlocked.

        tters secured in to t double doors . Emmeline, be of moonliginted blue by to    ts,    of reac o place at top of the double doors.

        e were imprisoned.

        Emmeline spoke. “Yum yum,” so be fed. It . e    ime ing, but eventually Emmeline’s poor little brain realized t t be    came into h and wailed.

        toaircase, turned into to t, rose up anot of stairs and slipped uhe new governess’s bedroom.

        Soon anoto it. Not t t, metronomic step of er Barro. A brisk, un of stairs, along a corridor, to the gallery.

        I te in tains just before so t op of tairs sood, a pact little figure,    nor t on a sturdy pair of legs, topped by t calm aermined tenance. In ed blue dressing goly brus sitting up and ready for m. uck flat to     plainness on er    remotely t t it mighe eye.

        Emmeli t of tairs,    ago, yet tant er appeared in all opped g and stared, apparently placated, as t and piled    had appeared before her.

        ‘o see you,“ said er, ing doairs. ”Now, who are you? Adeline or Emmeline?“

        Emmeline, openmout.

        ‘No matter,“ ter? ould soo?“

        ‘Yum,“ said Emmeline, and I didn’t kno er .

        er looked around, seeking tain appeared to    a curtain, for after a curslance surned all tention to Emmeline. “e    of . It o a    gliantalizingly in t.

        It did trick. “S kno    could —back to t.

        In tain my o anger. er and    or all ain. It was love.

        t    nig ory.

        t traself to our pristine gover ed. Instead it , drained and dusty, t mao pee tains seemed alo fall on er. So ed to talized by tact tle by little tended from er o t full day it     ed. Sook tains doo a tub of soapy er. Sed pattern of pink and yello t in, and tle     the beginning.

        itermination, s ions tants er not ter came as a spring-ing miracle. For ty years t of tes of dust caug. Notle feet paced out tes aes were gone.

        After liness came order, and t to feel tour. S from bottom to top, tutting and fro a single cupboard or alcove t escaped tention; ebook in inized every room, noting damp patg esting doors and floorboards for squeaks, trying old keys in old locks, and labeling t doors locked be    “going over,” a preparatory stage to toratioered: a pile of blas in a er folded aidily on a cucked under o be returned later to tairaigiceable e but    test impression of    seemed so cast    a room for t to recede, for to begin so put itself in order, for ts to beat a retreat. In tered.

        ttic, it is true, did stop racks.    at tate of ty. But even in togetigc er vigor. t day, a builder came. e knec o give    before t sonant.    six or seven jobs going at ond rarely finis tes and eyeing talistic sairs in ypical lazy fas after es er o the dozen. She had galvanized him.

        itimes, bedtimes, getting-up times. A fes for out. Not only t, but to fit and ,” aon poplin e sashes and collars appeared for everyday.

        Emmeli regular o play—uiger’s sruggled at first, yelled and kicked as er and tripped o tub, but ied o anotrances. Ser’s presence so study    for a smile. er did smile—it    infrequent—Emmeline gazed at . Before long so smile back.

        Otoo. tor, and aken to a specialist. On urn s seeing ts e of li all tate of grayness fell aly to join er in ter’s orders morosely a ed from , all-seeing ones, could not resist tive effect of    a o anyone, ook up ered tarden for t time siastrops to ture to mend t.

        Cly influenced.    out of    suited boto do anyt uardian side ion, and so s er. Ied to tered togeter effect ed to an improvement in    and a firmer    but flimsy trol of traders and businesspeople. ice, and if iced t he would have cared.

        But er did keep trol and out of sig any t eful for ter’s reign tile neigo e plaining about tive to visit tco leave, even for a mi realm of tion t ed    erritory, er;    of ered irely satisfactory.

        er riump ato, but t girl couldn’t do, once s o it.

        Miss inter paused,    fixedly on t preseself to y t a tress. A ected o , I    to break it, but equally anxious for    to stop ory.

        thened.

        ‘And you?“ I prompted softly. ” about you?“

        ‘Me?“ S rouble.“

        ‘trouble?“

        S and looked at me    thread.

        ‘I t’s enougoday. You    go now.“

        tory of er, I fell quickly bato my routine. In teo Miss iell me ory, ebook. Later in my room, rusty sranscribed o ter’s voi my ear; later, en, I felt my face rearranging itself into    ic gestures, uro pictures in my er,    a and surrounded by a silvery gleam, an all-body    greime, enpassing first s inants. transformed from a sloo one , briger’s so be cy, malnouriso a , affeate and plump little girl. er cast    even into tarden,    fortside t not seen. And Jely named gardener, brooding on its perimeter, relut to be drao t. And Adelierious and dark-ed Adeline.

        For all my biograps I    a box of lives. A box of index cards taining tails—name, occupation, dates, place of residend any otion t seems relevant—of all t people in t. I never quite knoo make of my boxes of lives. Depending on my mood trike me as a memorial to gladden t me. “Sing us doranded and alo, ttle cardboard tombstones, inanimate and cold, and tself is as dead as tery. Miss inter’s cast of cers    as far as information , I ill far s of w I needed.

        I took a blank card and began to e.

        er BarrowGovernessAngelfield houseBorn: ?

        Died: ?

        I stopped. t. Did a feeen. And er    old. it verve s be. y?    if sy-five? A mere t possible? I er, in ies,    t didn’t necessarily mean a person older t he ces?

        to do.

        I added ao t.
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