It e; it axi driver and to take me so far out of to t of expression, must , for me in. “e’ll give it a go,” he warned gruffly.
e drove out of toio fall, piling up meticulously, flake by flake, on every incop, every bouger t village, t farme landscape, tinguis times from t land all about, and I so my seat, expeg at any moment t turn back. Only my clear dires reassured on a road. I got out myself to open t gate, t t, tes of the house.
‘I ,“ I said.
‘Me? I’ll be all righer shrug.
As I expected, tes ing to teo be looking for my keys in my bag ance away did I grab e and clamber over.
tc locked. I pulled off my boots, s and up. I y kiteline’s quarters, ions, full of questions, I stoked my rage; it y years in t ruins of Angelfield’s library. For all my in, my approac; t drank in tread. I did not knock but pus straigains ill closed. At Emmeline’s bedside Miss iing quietly. Startled by my entrance, sared at me, araordinary shimmer in her eyes.
“Bones!” I Angelfield!” I ing oero emerge from ure did not matter. S, and I .
Except t trying to distract me from my scrutiny.
‘Bones?“ said Miss inter. Se and t enougo drown all my fury. ”Oh,“ she said.
O ri a single syllable tain. Fear. despair. Sorroion. Relief, of a dark, unsoling kind. And grief, deep and a.
And tra in tly in my mind t t ? Some-tiraneous to my drama of t preceded y intrusion. For a faltering sed I ticed notig came togetmospains. transparency Miss inter’s eyes. t t teel core t o tention narroo oide of Emmeline’s breato my ears.
‘No! She’s—“
I fell to my knees by tared.
‘Yes,“ Miss inter said softly. ”S es ago.“
I gazed at Emmeline’s empty faotill angrily red; ; ill green. I touced patc true t sely, irrevocably go seemed impossible t it s deserted us pletely? Surely t beo sole us? as talisman, no magic t would bring would reach her?
It persuaded me s brougo my c, falling over eace to fly into Emmeline’s ear.
‘Find my sister, Emmeline. Please find ell ing for ell oo narro eae. ”tell ell uously, urgently from my lips. it any loell o el“
But I oo late. the divide had e down. Invisible. Irrevocable. Implacable.
My o a pane of glass.
‘O toucer’s ly.
Eventually I dried my eyes. t. Rattling around loose twin,” I said. “She was here. Look.”
I pulled at tucked into my skirt, revealed my torso to t.
My scar. My ransluce. t divides.
‘ted us. And s live me.“
I felt tter of Miss inter’s firag t on my skin, saender sympathy in her face.
‘t er t t her“
‘Cer looked at me. he passion of her eyes.
I t notly still. But uing and a stirring. I felt t s. For years a ing vessel s cargo of bones. No sed. I urbed it, and it created a turbule lifted clouds of sand from tes of grit surbed er.
All time Miss iled and ter returo its quietness, slotled in ting ory,” I said. “And you told me you didn’t have one.”
“Now you know, I do have one.”
‘I never doubted it.“ Sful smile. ”ed you I kneory already. I t . And t your essay, t you must o be my biograper all tale telling I empted to lie to you, you .“
‘I .“
Sranquil, sad, unsurprised. “About time, too. how much do you know? ”
‘ you told me. Only a subplot, is it. You told me tory of Isabelle and paying attention. t ing me in tion of Jane Eyre. t tsider in t kno Angelfield her.“
Sadly s o tions is dead, Margaret.”
‘’t you remember?“
‘I am remember my birtime o ourselves, tle c is somet ernity ago, at time. e live like lateers at ter; catc er events. imes o to t it is not only memories t s of pasmagoria t in t realm. tmares of a lonely cales appropriated by a mind ory. tasies of an imaginative little girl anxious to explain to ever story I may ier of fetting, I do not pretend to myself t it is truth.“
“All ch.”
‘Quite. t Joold me.“
‘And w did ell you?“
‘t I appeared like a rawberries.“
Sold me tory.
Someoing at tra birds, because t pitted berries. And not trampled ts a footprints all over t. No, some liged taking a berry ly, disturbing a t eveiced a pool of er under ap. tap urn, tig up. c about a.
t day ratle scarecro drooped dos face. It ran off er it ermio get its fruit t o yell and er a o it. e t size, small and underfed? tealing fruit from otumped for an answer.
And someoing s left t state, es—t aidy; hey had.
For once on t home.
Passing by tap, iced it dripping again. Gave it a firm urn even t it. tting into it, aurn. t s.
In t at fet into tting se? And er if tap urned off so tig move it? C fooliso feel temperature. too late for frosts. Cool for time of year, though. And how much colder if you were hungry? And how much darker if you were a child?
. of bed. ook ables, tarden, planning a for a floppy in t bus to be seen.
‘’s tter in sile cable drinking a cup of coffee.
‘Nothing,“ he said.
back to tood and sed t bush anxious eyes.
Nothing.
At lue aurned flo by tap. telling a biscuit o it. urap on. It took quite an effort even for ter fall, noisily, into a tin ering , emptied it into t bed and refilled it. ter resounded around table garden. ook care not to look up and around.
took tle on to tap, and started bruss. It ant job; it o be done; you could spread disease if you didn’t your pots properly beting.
Beap.
turn instantly. he was doing, brush, brush, brush.
t, over to tap, faster than a fox.
But te.
teried to flee but stumbled. Pig itself up, it limped on a feeps, tumbled again. Jo it up, lifted it—t of a cat, no more—tur to face fell off.
Little carving. Eyes gone crusty, , and smelly. ts for c a o t ting ss feet. No s. A trembled. Fever, pain, starvation, fear. If state, Jo, it out of its misery.
in t to fetc up close, got a wepped back.
‘No, no, I don’t know w?“
‘Dunk er butt, you mean?“
‘ater butt indeed! I’ll go and fill tub in t.“
tinking rags aossed t into t all to ted. t tub of er turned instantly black. In order to empty and refill tub, ted t, and it stood, s better foot. Naked and dripping, streaked s of gray-broer, all ribs and elbows.
t t eac the child again.
‘Jo, but tell me, are you not seeing seeing?“
‘Aye.“
‘Little c’s a little maid.“
ttle after kettle, scrubbed at skin and out from uerilized t—s didn’t cry out—and tly rubbed or oil into t around t calamiion onto tes, petroleum jelly onto t lips. tangles out of long, matted last to tcable, wo h and John peeled her an apple.
Gulping do t get it do enoug a slice of bread and spread it ter. te it ravenously.
tc, o a brigted wide and she hungry face.
‘Are you t I’m thinking?“ said John.
‘Aye.“
‘ill ell him?“
‘No.“
‘But she does belong here.“
‘Aye.“
t for a moment or two.
‘ about a doctor?“
ts in t s a o till , but better.
‘e’ll see onig tor in the m.“
‘If needs be.“
‘Aye. If needs be.“
‘And so it tled,“ Miss inter said. ”I stayed.“
‘ was your name?“
‘tried to call me Mary, but it didn’t stick. Jouck to augo read, you knoalogs in t I soon discovered t call me anyt o, for I .“
I t about it all for a . It to feel passion. A…
‘ about Aurelius? You kne o gro a moto be aba Angelfield… I kno must ell me, he fire?“
e alking in t see ter’s face, but so s the bed.
‘Pull t over ell you about tell you about t first, per kno. So call Dr. Clifton. t o be done.“
care ook one look at Miss inter’s pallor and insisted on putting o bed and seeing to ion before anytogeto o goer bottle and folded the bed down.
‘I’ll telepon noay er?“ But it es later t so teroom.
‘I couldn’t speak to old me in a elep the line down.“
e off.
I t of telephe piece of paper in my bag and was relieved.
e arra I ay er for t s, so t Judito Emmeline’s room and do o be doer, medication was due.
It o be a long night.
BABYIn Miss inter’s narroole eaced to be ambus any mi from t out on: It cauged te arc of sank her eye in a deep pool of shadow.
Over t over t it mig, , make it fall less brutally upon Miss inter’s face.
Quietly I sat, quietly I ched, and when she spoke I barely heard her whisper.
‘trut me see…
ted from o trembling, their journey.
I kind to Ambrose. I could all and strong and indifferent. But I . I o Emmeline.
‘Am I not good en , like t.
I pretended not to ed. “If I’m not good enougell me so to my face!”
‘You ’t read,“ I said, ”and you ’t e!“ ook my pencil from tco scratcters onto a piece of paper. ters it out to show me.
I snatc out of into a ball and tossed it to the floor.
opped ing into tcea break. I drank my tea in tte, ep or to t, a ed, face frozen. er, ing tc. I felt as tc of sight.
? A feer topped ing for tea. I kne before so notice to realize tioned Ambrose. It ions, and se failed to see oo unkind.” Sly, full of passion for ting her reproae. I could have shaken her.
‘You do realize t yoing to you?“ Mild astonis passed across it tranquil as before. Not seemed, could disturb y. I dismissed Ambrose. I gave ill t look at o give ask any questions. ”You may as ely,“ I told t ing I errupted, ed tools scrupulously, taug t and tidy. t t door.
‘ ? Do you kno?“
I shook my head.
‘e on.“
ion of the pen, and I followed him.
‘Don’t e any time,“ ructed me. ” and quick is ts.“
our feet and s body firmly. ion t s neck. “See?”
I nodded.
‘Go on then.“
flurried to ts round baguiss neighbors.
‘Now?“
‘ else are you going to eat tonight?“
t it scuttled aime, clumsily, I o it. It squaried to beat its s panic to escape, and I o keep it still under my arm a my s neck at time, I felt the boy’s severe eye upon me.
‘ and quick,“ ed me, I could tell from his voice.
I o kill to kill t my rangled cry of alarm fle, and for a sed I ated. it and a flap, t ruck by t I still by ting, cla t it lurched away from me.
Sly, poook t of my grasp and in a single movement .
to me; I forced myself to take it. arm, ill.
t me. ing he limp body in my hands.
it a word urned his bad walked away.
good o me? My mio give; it beloo another, and always had. I loved Emmeline.
I believe t Emmeline loved me, too. Only s is a painful to love a tside, a cast-off, a superfluity, a mere observer of twinness.
Only for anottle by little I coaxed s of silver til s fot so talked. together we were happy.
Until Adeline came back. Furious o tant so an end, and I side again.
It fair. t hough Adeline abandoned her, Emmeline loved her.
ever Adeline did, it altered nototal. And me? My I never fooled Emmeline. kh.
Emmeline had her baby in January.
No one kent to stay inside, yacreat noticed. or tular o of time he door.
Our tact . For meat aables —I never learo like killing c I learo do it. As for ot to to collect c a boy on a bicycle s, I met to t it ion to least from time to time. O oday,” I imagi tor if t reac it soon greo use Adeline like ted time in ite. From being a scraimes—in , from certain aell t. So from time to time on a ednesday m, I o a tigated mask and go doo meet t as I came doo meet citiously, , ted ip and o bicycle a by me as myself, ouc.
difficult. But I roubled during ting about tself. I kne be. Isabelle’s mot survived put t out of my a time. t Emmeline s in daor taken could not be alloo o Emmeline. ed Emmeline and Adeli could not be alloo o Emmeline and me. Besides, te plications? And alt uand it, t t e rag-doll Adeline o realize t t Angelfield ely see trut, for tself, I could lock Adeline in t get a. But o s. It o keep our secret.
I y of my position. I kne Emmeline, no life but t I enuous my claim o ot friends did I or could ed to speak up for me, and to me no able t titude er. Emmeline’s affe for me and mine for as nothing.
Emmeline and placid, let t pass by untroubled. For me time in an agony of indecision. o keep Emmeline safe? o keep myself safe? Every day I put off to t. During t mont sure tion o me in time. resolved everyt too, could be arranged. But as time gre and I e bet to go to tor’s o tell rary t: t to do so o reveal myself, and t to reveal myself could only lead to my banis. tomorroold myself, as I replaced my coat on tomorrow.
But t oo late for tomorrow.
I o a cry. Emmeline!
But it Emmeline. Emmeline sed and sed; eet s cry out. Se turt tio resound all around t Adeline’s, and t cease till m, w, a boy, was delivered.
It h of January.
Emmeline slept; she smiled in her sleep.
I batounded by toucer.
the sun rose.
time for decisions er, and we were safe.
My life could go on.
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