I put tting ter for t time. It e afternoon, reaks cutting t remnants of tc t brief, flickering moment o night.

        Dusk, I realized t an illusion, because t. And t means t day and nig fe be o t exist at time.

        feel, I remember o be aloget forever apart?

        Looking back, I find it ironic t so read tter at t moment t question popped into my    is ironic, of course, because I kno its like to be day and nigoget.

        ty ernoon, Allie and I. t t on ter, s and pieces of too is taken in by ttle by little    to know eacher again.

        "Its good to talk to you. I find t I miss it, even    long."

        I am sincere and s sill ranger.

        "Is ten?" s;Do    c? I mean, do we know eac;

        "Yes and no. I ts, but ;

        So    t,    suc s ;ere you ever married?"

        I nod "Yes."

        " was s;

        I tell truth.

        "Sural to me tbeat. I t ime. Even noing    her.

        Sakes t knoly, hings.

        "Is s;

        is deat I do not say tead I ans;My wife is alive in my . And s;

        "You still love    you?"

        "Of course. But I love many to sit o sy of t. I love to cos dinner."

        S for a moment. S see     for years.

        ";

        No fear, just curiosity. t s I ask any;?"

        ";

        I smile. "Im o be. Its not plicated. Bot dismiss my time s not ed. Its . I sit alk and I to myself, ter t I am doing no;

        S, just a moment,    smile forms on her lips.

        "I like being    if gettirigued is er, youve succeeded. I admit I enjoy your pany, but I kno you. I dont expect you to tell me your life story, but ;

        "I read o erious strangers."

        "See, you    really ansion. You    ans of my questions. You didnt even tell me ory e;

        I s quietly for a    true?"

        "Is rue?"

        "t erious strangers?”

        S t;I t;

        "Do you?"

        "No go putting me on t. I dont kno;

        Seasing me, and I enjoy it. e sit silently and    us a lifetime to learn.

        It seems only to sit o one anot say anytill feel tent. tient, must alhe silence.

        It is a e, for silence is pure. Silence is    draogetable     speaking. t paradox.

        time passes, and gradually our breato cide just as it did this m.

        Deep breat en do. I his. Finally, when she wakes, a miracle.

        "Do you see t bird?" Ss to it, and I strain my eyes. It is a , but I    because t. I point, too.

        "Caspian stern," I say softly, and e our attention to it and stare as it glides over Brices Creek. And, like an old    rediscovered, .

        S about my evasiveness. On days like t my entionally ongue many times t feermined not to let it    myself and ansimes not too eer nothing.

        t decision, bot necessary, for o limit t my ans    I    ge.

        Does t? Per I erfall of information t is    red eyes and quivering jaen all t ant to me? I could not aions and ans of this Is Your Life.

        t    feeling, of ts and    is t kno ans make it all are at pictures of fotten offspring, brus inspired    brougter, and ending t began. Our days , and so was she. And selfishly, so was I.

        So I ceries of t learning    o be done. And I learned o a c life is simply a colle of little lives, eac a time. t eadiy in flory and talking to animals. t a day spent s and refres be bettered. But most of all, I lear life is about sitting oo a creeks imes, on good days, for falling in love.

        " are you t; she asks.

        It is no . It is o do ts to keep me from fallio myself.

        "Im t you."

        So t to squeeze my arm, and I    tell s I said. Our life togeto see t knohem herself.

        I go on: "I kno remember     makes me feel good."

        Saps my arm and smiles. "Youre a kind man . I ;

        e ell you somet;

        "Go a;

        "I t;

        "An admirer?"

        "I see."

        "You dont believe me?"

        "I believe you."

        "You s;

        ";

        "Because I t is you."

        I t t t tyard. e e to top . I give to o ;tiful."

        e resume our    is true in a    times I do not feel lucky.

        "You ts me?" I finally ask.

        "Yes."

        ";

        "Because I    you ;

        "?"

        "t; so me. "I found it under my pillo;

        I read it, and it says:

        tal ache,

        Yet my promise remains true at the closing of our days,

        A teouds h a kiss

        ill awaken love in joyous ways.

        "Are t; I ask.

        "I found t of my coat."

        Our souls were one,

        If you must know and never s;

        ith splendid dawn, your face aglow

        I reac.

        "I see," and t is all I say.

        e ime, silver talk of try. She romance.

        By time h her hand and makes me face her. I do and I realize how hunched over I have bee.

        Simes I am glad s know how much I have ged.

        Surns to me and stares for a long time.

        " are you doing?" I ask.

        "I dont    tet you    to keep your memory alive."

        ill it ime? I    . It t. I do not tell s, tead because .

        "t; I say.

        "I mean it. I dont    tet you again. Youre very special to me. I dont knooday."

        My t closes a little. tion beions I feel . rong enougo carry o paradise.

        "Dont try to say anyt; sells me. "Lets just feel t."

        And I do, and I feel heaven.

        from most. tical experie advaages of Alz pletely lost. ting and fused. t t feed tendency to    lost. Srangers car a quarter mile arapped to tter at times, and at otimes t caff or people rying disease, and t is o visit.

        Allie, of course, oo, problems t ime. Serribly afraid in tiny people, like gnomes, I tc to get away.

        S    eat regularly. Soo t to fatten her up.

        But ty ends. times, just sometimes, after I read to ion isnt so bad.

        tion for t;Its impossible," tors say. "S not ; But s days and every m t. On t.

        But ? imes cer I read? I tell tors t in my , but I am not believed.

        Io sce. Four times specialists raveled from Co find times t    uanding.

        I tell t;You t possibly uand it if you use only your training and your books," but t;Alz ion, its just not possible to ion or improve as t;

        But s every day, not most of time, and definitely less to. But sometimes. And all t is gone on t ions are normal, s are normal. And t I kno.

        Dinner is ing in urn. It o eat    alhese, and once again I could ask for no more.

        take care of everyto me, and I am thankful.

        ts are dimmed, t by table ly in tes are plastid ttle) is filled    rules are rules and s seem to care. Sly at t. her eyes are wide.

        "Did you do t;

        I nod and she room.

        "It looks beautiful."

        I offer my arm in escort and lead o t release it here.

        oud close togetal springtime evening. tly, and I feel a breeze as it fans my ccime as the evening sky unfolds.

        "Ive never seen anytiful, Im sure of it," sh her.

        "I , eit; I say, but I am looking at    I mean, and I see    later she whispers:

        "I t    tory," she says.

        "You do?"

        ";

        "S ;

        "Youre sure?"

        "Absolutely."

        I smile and nod. "Yes, s; I say softly, and s.

        I pull out . Ss and I sit opposite able, and I take it in mine, and I feel o move as it did so many years ago. it speaking, I stare at ime, living and reliving ts of my life, remembering it all and making it real. I feel my t begin to tighten, and once again I realize how much I love her. My voice is shaky when I finally speak.

        "Youre so beautiful," I say. I    see in    s about    I really mean by my words.

        S respond. Instead s shinking.

        Sly squeeze . it, and I kno there.

        And t proves me right.

        As Glenn Miller plays softly in a dlelit room, I co to form on    makes it all ine.

        Soward her.

        "Youre ; sly, trailing off, and at t moment soo; times.

        S a makes me are at eaco t Allie, and t me makes me aractal eyes.

        Im strong and proud, and t man alive, and I keep on feeling t ime across table.

        By time to break the silence.

        I say, "I love you deeply, and I ."

        "Of course I do," s;Ive always loved you, Noa;

        Noao myself, she knows who I am ...

        She knows ...

        Suy t for me it is a gift from God, and I feel our lifetime toget years of my life.

        S;Noa Noa; And I,    tors    for a moment. I give up tense of mystery, and I kiss    to my cheek and whisper in her ear. I say:

        "You are test t o me."

        "O; sears in ;I love you, too."

        If only it his, I would be a happy man.

        But it . Of time slips by, I begin to see the signs of    in her face.

        "s ; I ask, and ly.

        "Im so afraid. Im afraid of fetting you again. It isnt fair... I just t bear to give t;

        I dont knoo say. I knoo an end, and to stop table. In tell her:

        "Ill never leave you.    we ;

        Ss empty promises. But I    tell by t me t once again shere were more.

        ts serenade us, and o pick at our dinner.    I lead by example and sakes small bites and cime, but I am glad to see . S too mu t ths.

        After dinner, I bee afraid despite myself. I knoill be ours, but I knoolled t and t to e, and to stop it. So I stare at    and live a lifetime in t remaining moments.

        Nothing.

        ticks. Nothing.

        I take hing.

        I feel remble and I whing.

        I tell    time t I love her.

        And thief es.

        It alime. For as so blink rapidly and surning toares for a long time,    etched on her face.

        No! My mind screams. Not yet! Not no onig but tonight... Please!

        the words are inside me.

        I t take it again! It isnt fair.., it isnt fair... But once again, it is to no avail.

        "t; sing, "are staring at me. Please make top." the gnomes.

        A pit rises in my stomacops for a moment, tarts again, time s pounding. It is over, I kno affects my    part of all. For w es, simes I wonder wher she and I will ever love again.

        "t; I say, trying to fend off table. S believe me. "taring at me."

        "No," I whisper while shaking my head.

        "You t see t;

        "No," I say, and s.

        "ell, t t; s;and taring at me."

        it, so talk to s later, o fort h wide eyes.

        "; ser. " are you doing ;

        t, for tion, and t breaking words of all.

        "Go aay a; serrified, now oblivious of my presence.

        I stand and cross te pain in my side. I dont kno is a struggle to press tton to call toget I finally succeed. t for t, I stare at my wife.

        ty... ty seds pass, and I tio stare, my eyes missing nots    soget in all t time s look back, and I am ed by truggling h unseen enemies.

        I sit by tart to cry as I pick up tebook.

        Allie does not notice. I uand, for her mind is gone.

        A couple of pages fall to to pick tired no, alone and apart from my wife.

        And    fort. A ly in the er, his fa his hands.

        I spend t of tially open and I see people rangers, some friends, and if I trate, I    alking about families, jobs, and visits to parks. Ordinary versations, not I find t I envy tion. Anot sometimes I t .

        Dr. Barno    suc at too mucell ime    be around forever. But    listen to me.

        ients,    e    torn by tradi. s to be a doctor pletely devoted to ients and a man pletely devoted to    be bot enoug    to learn to the choice will be made for him.

        I sit by t today. It ions keep me silent for many hours.

        I did not read to a, for poetitrospe o tears. In time, t except for tfalls of evening soldiers. At eleven oclock I    for some reason I expected. tsteps I know so well.

        Dr. Barnwell peeks in.

        "I noticed y;

        "No," I say, shaking my head.

        aking a seat a fe from me.

        "I ; ;you ; rigued by us and tions kno is entirely professional.

        "I suppose so."

        my ans me. "You okay, Noatle do;

        "Im fine. Just a little tired."

        "oday?"

        "Salked for almost four ;

        "Four s… incredible."

        I    only nod. ;Ive never seen anyt, or even    it. I guess ts . You t for eac love you very muc, dont you?"

        "I kno; I say, but I t say anything more.

        "s really bot    your feelings?

        "No. Sually. Its just t rig;

        "Alone? Nobodys alone."

        "Im alone," I say as I look at my d so are you."

        t fe significe. Allie nize me at any time, and I admit my attention    of my ts    spent. too soon, t t day, only gained, and I was o his blessing once again.

        By tty mued to normal. Or at least as normal as my life    be. Reading to Allie, reading to othe halls.

        Lying a nigting by my er in trange fort in tability of my life.

        On a cool, foggy m eiger s our day togetom, and puttered around my desk, alternately looking at pograpters ten many years before. At least I tried to. I couldnt trate too    to sit in my co ced to be refres more.

        I closed my eyes for a fees ely pounded and subsided.

        td it o inspire me. It is a tradi - t renealked to it t m, oget t;

        ted in agreement, t refleg the creek and I. Flowing, ebbing, reg.

        It is life, I to cer. A man    learn so many things.

        It    in t as t peeked over the horizon.

        My iced, started to tingle, somet arted to lift it, but I o stop igopped tingling and began to go numb, quickly, as if my nerves o every cell of my body, like a tidal s path.

        I lost my sig sounded like a train r ining bolt, and in my last remaining moments of sciousness, I pictured Allie, lying in ing for tory I    and fused, pletely and totally uo    like me.

        And as my eyes closed for time, I t to myself, O have I done?

        I s    and t reize. One mac rate, rangely sooto never-land time and time again.

        tors ed eyes as ts and adjusted ts, t ;Strokes could be serious," t;especially for someone ; Grim faces ions - "loss of speec, paralysis." Anot notation, ane macried not to ter instead trated on Allie, bringing a picture of o my mind    o mio make us one again. I tried to feel oucears    knoo o alking and reading and walking.

        t    . t    o be.

        I drifted in and out of sciousness for days until anoto Allie spurred my body once again. I opened my eyes and sa motivated me furtruggled to press it, and a nurse arrived ty seds later, folloely.

        "Im ty," I said h a raspy voice, and Dr. Barnwell smiled broadly.

        "ele back," ;I kne."

        ter I am able to leave tal, though I am only half a man now.

        If I    side of my body is . tell me, is good al. Sometimes, it seems, I am surrounded by optimists.

        t my    me from usi noo keep uprig left-rig as e, but rat, slow-shuffle.

        I am an epic adventure no is slopace a turtle two weeks ago.

        It is late ime fragra filter t open, and t c I am invigorated by temperature. Evelyn, one of to t sits by to close it. I stop s my decision. I    later a ser is draped over my ss it as if I    gently. S saring out t move for a long time, and I    ask. Eventually I urns to leave, and as sops, leans forenderly, ter does. I am surprised by tly, "Its good to    of us. e s just not t; S me and touches my face before she leaves.

        I say noter I , talking to anotheir voices hushed.

        tars are out tonigs are singing, and t everyt, I side    see me, trees, tyard, t till. In t looks like empty space, and I find t Im drao its mystery. I    of clouds as to bounce off ter. A storm is ing, and in time turn silver, like dusk again.

        Ligs t back.    ivy on a cypress tree, tendrils and bra ? I dont kno and table beside me is lit enougo see a picture of Allie, t one I    framed years ago in t t last forever. I read    i it for a long time, I t . Sy-one aken, and siful. t to ask    I knoure    ans it aside.

        tonig as I lay in tal. t t clouds appear. Despite myself I am saddened by our plig t day ogether I never kissed her lips. Perhaps I never will again.

        It is impossible to tell hings?

        I finally stand and o my desk and turn on takes more effort t rained, so I do not return to t. I sit does looking at tures t sit on my desk. Family pictures, pictures of s. Pictures of Allie and me. I to times    I am.

        I open a draied togettle and difficult to    breaking. But s;I dont uand    ; I    s ignore me. And sometimes in t reverently, as if t of life itself.

        omen.

        Sio be a night of memories, I look for and find my wedding ring.

        It is in top draissue. I ot    anymore because my knuckles are sissue and find it unc is po t no moment I ill yours, Allie, my queen, my timeless beauty. You are, and al;

        I    thing.

        It is eleven-ty and I look for tter se me, trikes me. I find it    it. I turn it over a couple of times before I open it, and remble. Finally I read:

        Dear er by dlelig    sounds of your slumber, I kno to you again as I always have.

        And I , and your breato the wonderful man you are.

        I see t reminds me of anot clotoget ured, roped by a sout, and I k o question a love t rode on sing stars and roared like cras is     is    is today.

        I remember ing back to you t day, ted. I    out of t you took it all a to me. " some coffee," ogether.

        Nor did you question me    let me be. I dont kno easier for me. Later o traded s and made our vo more t, I knew I was foolish for ever sidering someone else. I have never wavered since.

        e oget it a lot noimes and see you ting on tar o te. Your clotained from ired, and time to relax, you smile and say, "t ; I find your love for our g. "Youre a better fat; I tell you later, after ter,    lose ourselves before o slip bets. I love you for many t beautiful in life. Love and poetry and faty and nature. And I am glad you augter for it. tell me o time t makes me feel like t ing, and you o me. My ions noimes ed because of sics, you ood my need for my oudio, my o on my es on ture. I kno    easy.

        It takes a man to do t, Noao live . And you have.

        For forty-five years now. onderful years.

        You are my best friend as    knoreasure eac as I reasured our life together.

        You iful and strong. Kindness, ts s    fiving and peaceful man I kno be, for you are t to an a Ive ever met.

        I kno me crazy for making us e our story before old you    is time you knew.

        e ime most couples never kno,    it o us. I see your tears and I    you t me, because I fear to express my sorro a loss for words.

        So I love you so deeply, so incredibly mue back to you despite my disease, I promise you t. And tory es in.    and lonely, read tory - just as you told it to t in some    about us. And per pero be together again.

        Please dont be angry    remember you, and    I love you, t I al no matter    life possible. My life ter to read again, t I am ing for you no able to tell you. I love you deeply, my husband. You are, and always have been, my dream. Allie

        ter, I put it aside. I rise from my desk and find my slippers. t sit to put tanding, I cross ted at t least I t is Janice. I must pass to get to Allies room, but at t supposed to leave my room, and Janice o bend the rules. her husband is a lawyer.

        I    to see if s s seem to be moving, and I groient.

        I finally exit my room anyakes aeons to close tance, but for some reason s see me approag.

        I am a silent panthe jungle, I am as invisible as baby pigeons.

        In t I am not surprised. I stand before her.

        "Noa; s;;

        "Im taking a ; I say. "I t sleep."

        "You kno supposed to do t;

        "I kno;

        I dont move, termined.

        "Youre not really going for a o see Allie."

        "Yes," I answer.

        "Noa    time you saw    nig;

        "I remember."

        "t be doing t;

        I dont ansly. Instead I say, "I miss ;

        "I kno I t let you see ;

        "Its our anniversary," I say. true. It is one year befold. Forty-nine years today.

        "I see."

        "t;

        S, and er al type.

        "Noa anot. Ive seen ruggle    Ive never seen anyone    like you do. No one around    tors, not t."

        S a moment, and strangely, o fill ears. Sh her finger and goes on:

        "I try to t its like for you, er day, but I t even imagi. I dont kno imes. Even tors dont uand it, s love, its as simple as t. Its t incredible t;

        A lump , and I am speechless.

        "But Noa supposed to do t let you. So go back to your room." tly and sniffling and s;Me, Im going doairs for some coffee. I    be back to c do anyt;

        Soucoairs. S look back, and suddenly I am alone. I dont knoo t eaming, and once again I learn t the world.

        I am    time in years as I begin my trek to Allies room. I take steps tra t pace it is dangerous, for my legs ired already. I find I must touco keep from falling down.

        Lig glotle. I    not tonigime to stop on t forces blood teries. I feel myself being stronger ep. I    I dont steps, and I keep going. I am a stranger opped. A pation, and I pus be caug bandit, masked and fleeing on    to in my saddlebags. I am young and strong , and I    o paradise.

        ho am I kidding?

        I lead a simple life noo Allie and s and a man oo old to coo old to care.

        is beating funny inside my c. I struggle    takes t. t from ting t a passerby on a busy city street, fotten forever.

        , and ser a moment I see o one side, and imes. Sc is over betale and I somb.

        I do not move, on t a minute, and I long to tell    I stay quiet so I    ten on t I will slide under    says:

        Love, in t and tender ive and very pure

        lig-lit poo as ever sure.

        I ter he door behind me.

        Blaess desds and I cross ains, and tares back, large and full, the evening.

        I turn to Allie and dream a t, I sit on e bely touc like poroke aken away.

        I feel    disc t.

        Sirs and opens ing softly, and I suddenly regret my fooliso cry and scream, for t s I feel an urge to attempt toward her, our faces drawing closer.

        And raingling I    before, in all our years toget I do not pull back. And suddenly, a miracle, for I feel ten paradise, uncime, ageless like tars. I feel tongues meet, I alloo slip arong and fearless, and sly trace tline of ake en as sakes a breatly, "O;

        A of all! - and top tears as o slip to t moment, ttons on my s and slohem one by one.
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