Ster again, more sloime, t a time before s it bato ting it, and for a moment sed reading anot s delay any longer. Lon ing for her.

        of took a deep breatarted across t, sill    sure o    finally e until s and saanding in the lobby.

        tory ends tebook, remove my glasses, and ired and bloods, but t failed me so far. to    I    s look back. Instead saring out t tyard, w.

        My eyes folloogettern    cer breakfast, to arrive. Young adults, alone or o visit tograps a on troll along tree-lined pato give a sense of nature. Some ay for t most leave after a fe I knos not my business. And I do not ever ask t itled to s. But soon, I ell you some of mine.

        I place tebook and magnifier on table beside me, feeling to . t surprise me anymore, ts ohese days.

        Im not pletely unfortunate, s and do t to make me more fortable. t me    tea on table, and I reac    is an effort to pour a cup, but I do so because tea is o ion ely rusting a I am rusted no about it. Rusted as a junked car ty years in tlands region in southern Florida).

        I o    is somet do. Not for duty - alt for anotic, reason. I s still early, and talking about romance isnt really possible before lu not for me. Besides, I s going to turn out, and to be , Id rat get my hopes up.

        e spend eacoget    aloors tell me t Im not alloo see er dark. I uand tely, and times break te at nig, I o ch her while she sleeps.

        Of t    not been for    ter t I    as mueans more to me to explain.

        Sometimes,    o o    forty-nine years.    mont    long. S forty-five, but si in separate rooms. I do not sleep    oss and turn and yearn for    of t, eyes open cumble. I sleep to me.

        Soon, t. tries in my diary er and take little time to e.

        I keep t of my days are t tonig one of t I    goes like this:

        I neer ruck before t hour

        it,

        bloomed like a s flower

        And stole my    ae.

        Because our evenings are our o told. I o go because I am too old to devote myself to a sc deep doed only by ts of une (抓阄转轮television game seeture is tVs blare because no one    hear well anymore.

        Men or    me s. "Im so glad youve e," t my wife.

        Sometimes I tell t tell tness and augo see tiful place it is. Or I tell togetarry soutures toget sremely positive revieique) revieig in languages I do not uand. Mostly, tell t surn from me, for I kno    me to see t reminds tality. So I sit o lessen their fears.

        Be posed - be at ease h me...

        Not till the sun excludes you do I exclude you,

        Not till ters refuse to glisten for you and to rustle for you,

        Do my o glisten and rustle for you.

        And I read, to let them know who I am.

        I    to myself, ill-assorted, tradictory, pausing, gazing, bending, and stopping.

        If sry. tma, She Psalms. Lovers of words, makers of language.

        Looking back, I am surprised by my passion for it, and sometimes I eve it nory brings great beauty to life, but also great sadness, and Im not sure its a fair exc by a reading lamp.

        I so. I must get a new cusime.

        I reacake it, bony and fragile. It feels nice. Sco softly rub my finger. I do not speak until s days I sit in sileil t her.

        Minutes pass before surns to me. S. I take out a    ears. S me as I do so, and I wonder w shinking.

        "t iful story."

        A ligo fall. Little drops tap gently on take    is going to be a good day, a very good day. A magical day. I smile, I t .

        "Yes, it is," I tell her.

        "Did you e it?" s he leaves.

        "Yes," I answer.

        Surns tostand (nigable, small bedside table). tle cup. Mioo. Little pills, colors like a rainbet to take to    supposed to.

        "Ive    before,    I?

        "Yes," I say again, just as I do every time on days like to be patient.

        Sudies my face. her eyes are as green as o waves.

        "It makes me feel less afraid," she says.

        "I kno; I nod, rog my ly.

        Surns a some more. Ser glass. It is on stand, o takes a sip.

        "Is it a true story?" Ss up a little in akes anotill strong. "I mean, did you kno;

        "Yes," I say again. I could say more, but usually I dont. Sill beautiful.

        S;ell, w;

        I ans;t for ;

        "?"

        I smile. "Youll kno; I say quietly, "by t;

        S knoo t t does not question me furtead so fidget. So ask me anotion, t sure o do it. Instead so put it off for a moment ale paper cups. "Is t;

        "No, t; and I reaco akes it and looks at tell by t t s to pick up my cup and dump to my mout today. t makes it easy. I raise my cup in a mock toast and y flavor from my moutea. It is getting colder. Ser.

        A bird starts to sing outside turn our    quietly for a oget is lost, and s;I o ask you somet; she says.

        "ever it is, Ill try to ans;

        "Its ;

        S look at me, and I ot see s.

        Some things never ge.

        "take your time," I say. I know w she will ask.

        Finally surns to me and looks into my eyes. Sle smile, t a lover.

        "I dont    to    your feelings because youve been so o me, but..."

        I .    me. tear a piece from my    and leave a scar.

        ";

        e    Creekside Extended Care Facility for t     , signed some papers, and just like t o live and die in excime.

        S to do t alone, for siess o us, botes in tig. Loudly. I .

        A t reminds me t    it is my fault, not    is artis in t form, roid 风湿症and advanced. My esque no of my    tated, but t be able to do ttle t do. So I use my claimes, and every day I take e t to    is o do.

        Alto be 120, I dont    to, and I dont t even if I did. It is falling apart, dying one piece at a time, steady erosion on t ts. My o fail, and my    rate is decreasing every montime of tate前列腺. t    ake me eventually, t till I say it is time. tors are    me, but I am not. I ime for    of my life.

        Of our five cill living, and t is o visit, ten, and for t even ears t e ures liage, my tribution to times I    all, or if s    uand anymore.

        I    he would do if he were me.

        I    seen y years and    a ss. I ot picture    s sure if to a failing memory or simply time. I ure of oo en years it will be gone and so will I, and    for my diaries, I would swear I had lived only half as long as I have.

        Long periods of my life seem to e t remember ts of my life. times I sit and wonder w all has gone.

        "My name," I say, "is Duke." I have always been a John ayne fan.

        "Duke," so ;Duke." S, her forehead wrinkled, her eyes serious.

        "Yes," I say, "Im ; And alo myself.

        S and red, and tears begin to fall.

        My    acime t thing I could do.

        S;Im sorry. I dont uand anyts o me rigen to you talk I feel like I s I dont. I dont even kno;

        S ears and says, " least, ;

        I ans I lie to     my ohis.

        "You are rengto those who shared in your friendships.

        "You are a dream, a creator of ist wouchousand souls.

        "Youve led a full life and ed for notual and you o look inside you. You are kind and loyal, and you are able to see beauty eacter t;

        I stop for a moment and catc;o feel lost, for:

        Not, or    be lost, No birtity, form - no object of thing;...

        t from earlier fires, ... s;

        S oice t topped noer into her room.

        S;Did you e t?"

        "No, t    man."

        ";

        "A lover of ;

        S respond directly. Instead sares at me for a long . In. Out. In. Out. Deep breatiful.

        "ould you stay ; she finally asks.

        I smile and nod. Sakes it gently, and pulls it to . Sares at ts t deform my fingers and caresses tly. ill those of an angel.

        "e," I say as I stand    effort, "lets go for a ing. Its beautiful today." I am staring at    few words.

        S makes me feel young again.

        S souters of tietury, some said, and I was, and am, proud of her.

        Unlike me, o e even t of verses, my e beauty as easily as ted tings are in museums around t I    only t one s oe at nig and stare and sometimes cry    know why.

        And so ting, raising ases, family trips, of graduations and of weddings.

        I see grandcos of us, our er, time t seems so typical, yet unon.

        e could not foresee ture, but t live o. And ? Retirement. Visits ravel. So travel. I t t perart a    I did not kno possibly stles. Small, detailed, impossible to sider no I am not bitter.

        Our lives t be measured by our final years, of t lay a seems obvious, but at first I t andable and not unique. S ? S a neig not someone imes se t    again I dismissed it as simple mistakes t one makes    until ts occurred t I began to suspect t.

        An iron in too. But teering ened.

        And seoo, for o me and said, "Os o me? Please ; A knot ted in my stomac I dared not t.

        Six days later tor met ests. I did not uand t uand t I suppose it is because I am afraid to kno an    back t day.

        t day    day I ever spent. I looked t read and played games I did not t. Finally o    us do I remember clearly t my own hands were shaking.

        "Im so sorry to o tell you t; Dr. Barn;but you seem to be in tages of Alz;

        My mind    blank, and all I could t    t glowed above our heads.

        tages of Alzheimers . . .

        My    ig to ;O;

        And as tears started to fall, to me again:... Alzheimers...

        It is a barren disease, as empty and lifeless as a desert. It is a ts and souls and memories. I did not knoo say to h.

        tor    my age in hink was:

        No droop;...

        A s    t me no fort. I dont kno or hem.

        e rocked to and fro, and Allie, my dream, my timeless beauty, told me she was sorry.

        I kneive, and I ; I y as a juovepipe (火炉的烟囱).

        I remember only bits and pieces of Dr. Barninuing explanation.

        "Its a degeive brain disorder affeg memory and personality . . . to tell    it    differs from person to person ... I er t ime … Im sorry to be to tell you … "

        Im sorry...

        Im sorry...

        Im sorry...

        Everyone hemselves.

        I dont remember leaving tors office, and I dont remember driving home.

        My memories of t day are gone, and in the same.

        It    of it, if t is possible.

        Allie anized, as o leave te . S specific burial instrus, and t in my desk, in ttom drao e. Letters to friends and cters to broters and cousins. Letters to nieces, o me.

        I read it sometimes ed by a r fire    ters I ten to    tters, and noo do so. S to do ; I find I enjoy reading bits and pieces of t as sue me, tters, for    romand passion are possible at any age. I see Allie noters, I e to uand t I    the same way.

        I read t ter I s    to tack of letters, tall aself almost ury old, and found tters erime of letters, letters professing my love, letters from my . I glaer from our first anniversary.

        I read an excerpt:

        o me, and .

        I put it aside, sifted tack, and found anoty-nine years ago.

        Sittio you,    es only to ts, and I kne no man could be more lucky than me.

        And after our so    time    till ring true today:

        In times of grief and sorro my oogetry to ears and despair and make it treets of life.

        I pause for just a moment, remembering    time, just a baby. I y times as long as    if asked, I errible to outlive your cragedy I wish upon no one.

        I do my best to keep tears a to clear my mind, and find t from our tieto t:

        udio covered    ted and tired eyes, I kno you are t beautiful he world.

        t on, t ired, but I tom of tack. tter remaining, t one I e o keep going.

        I lifted t t page into better ligo read:

        My dearest Allie, t except for t float from t a loss for    is a strange experiene, for ime of memories. But to put it into    kno a poet, a a poem is o fully express t you.

        So my mind drifts, and I remember t our life togete     myself beside t table and    I saiful aive and    t es    sure I uand, I o tell tory.

        I called Jeff and David into tcold t us and o me so long ago.

        I told t our ed    tting in front of ting outside. I told t your mot Lon t day - told t er t day, after you    back to town.

        t part of tory    me, even after all time. Even t t to me only once, and I remember marveling at trengt day. I still agi must    to talk to old me t t t on a benc ust stay.

        I knoo me he cared for you as well.

        No,    uand losing you, but    you    it    be fair to    release your    and angry, and tried for almost an o c ;I t go back ;    your decision    togetime    speaking. I        Im sure it    only a fe I ood then why your choice was so hard.

        I remember t    until Kate finally stood to embrace me. "O; sears io ansions, t ask any. Instead, thing much more special.

        For t four old me o told stories about tten.

        And by t take t ao enjoy it h me.

        After t, I rocked in sileoget least in my , and it is impossible for me to remember a time    of me. I do not kno day, but I    t I    thankfully Ill never know.

        I love you, Allie. I am ure, every day ogetest day of my life. I will always be yours.

        And, my darling, you will always be mine.
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