t arrived, proved botimely and apt. Not only in o offer, but I all¡ªtice, toire, ty-eigime I turned sixteen, I began looking for an excuse to quit, a t break my mot. trut even, I in our remote , no doubt our er of tate, maybe t from border to border, but beyond t, no. I lacked to be a . Looking forernative o end up like old Mr. Martin eacer a sed-rate career? I her play in a bordello.
Over breakfast one m, I opened : "Mom, I dont to get aer."
"Better t?" she asked, whipping eggs.
"At t music. I ts as far as I go."
So a skillet, t butter and iron, and said notirred. Se of eggs and toast, and I ate t across table from me. "; sly, ing my attention. "Do you remember ttle boy and ran away from ;
I did not, but I nodded in tive betes.
"It er ted a bato cool off. ts o get used to. And I asked you to mind Mary and Elizabeto t. Do you remember t?"
t I nodded my slug e juice.
"I put to bed and came back do you ; ed t;e looked over couldnt find you. As to e elep your o t." S me, as if reliving the experien her minds eye.
"Any mgs, Mom?"
Soove, and I ; gre in t forest? I kneo pick blackberries a on a brig, poor t a trace. All t remained on t;
I peppered my eggs and dug in.
"I t of you lost and ing your mot get to you, and I prayed to God t youd e ing . Its a blessing and you salent."
"Late for sc; I mopped te op of ed. Before I made it do steps, I regretted not being more forceful. Most of my life eful ercedes, relieving me from y as.
By time of ter recital t year, just t and sound of tomac disappoint my parents by quitting Mr. Martin altogete all t my family at to find ts age. tals remained uncer, students milled about, mentally preparing for turns, practig t surface. Mr. Martin paced among us, ting age-frigent, and tant. "You are my prize pupil," ;t Ive ever taug; And , ion on my lapel. ed tains to tness of tligo ime to duck out ters nig, startled by my presen topped and stared at me. I seet I could not scare it. Once upon a time, sucures errified of me.
t frozen irely e t of ter. If to be my fareo give to remember me by. I moved like a pressure on all tial notes. Members of ts to lead trings stopped ed, t I almost fot ed tage, Mr. Martied me first, tears of joy in ;Bravo," and tudents, ment, t I ss, siblings, friends, neiged music lovers. t I dre otice t until most of the well-wishers had vanished.
My motick from my y perip, about forty years old. elligent face, but I tared, scrutinized, studied, and pondered, as if dredging up an inner mystery. Ster strao me.
"Excuse me," s;But youre Andre;
"; I corrected her.
&qu;
"t; I turned bay parents, ed t to go.
Maybe s of turning a off somet so ;Youre ; s;Youre ttle boy."
I squi her and smiled.
"You are t nig; Sarted to raise ;Dont you remember? I sa must or nine years ago by no youre t little boy, no doubt. I you."
"I dont knoalking about, maam." I turo go, but she grabbed my arm.
"It is you. I cracked my t you first. You came out of t¡ª"
I yelped a sound t startled everyone, myself included. I did not realize my capacity for sucill existed. My motervened.
"Let go of my son," sold ;Youre ing ;
"Look, lady," I said, "I dont kno;
My fatepped intle. " is t?"
t;I sa onto t of my car. I so miss I clipped knoo do, so I got out of to see if I could ;
Sed tention from my fat;From t seven artled me more t of noo t natural t doo its moutever you call it. o believe, but ood, and sprang off. t incredible ts ever o me."
I realized t ser. But I knew I seen o inspire wild animals, I never engaged in such foolishness.
"I got a real good look at ts," s;alt so good at . It was you. ;
"I dont know ;
My moted by ory, came up ;It t be en, let of my sig few years. by nig;
tensity melted from t; me, and w nig;
My fatle tone ;Im sorry, but you must be mistaken. Everybody like my son. Im sorry for your troubles." So ion, but ook t from open for , t t a looking back. In railed ts of anger and ay.
"Did you ever?" my mot; a story. And to t sually o say it."
From t unnerved me. " out of ;
of ty, I announced my decision. "Im not going back tals, no more lessons, no more strangers ing up to me ories. I quit."
For a moment, I t my fat a cigarette a Mom take over tion.
" quitting...."
"Did you t lady said?" Mary c;S you lived in t;
"You dont even like to stao a tree." Elizabeth laughed.
"t about your feelings, Mom, but mine."
My fatared at te line in the road.
"You are a sensitive boy," my motinued. "But you t let one ory ruin your life. You doo tell me yoing to quit eigale."
"It isnt t. Ive ;
"Bill, ;
"Dad, Im tired of it. Sick of practice, practice, practice. tired of ing my Saturdays. I t;
eering ood t all t nigalking, make out tional frontation, but I all ability to eavesdrop from a distance. On a ; or "bloody" explode from ts it. Near midnigormed out of t a desolation. I doairs to see if Mom ting in tcable before her.
"s late." Sied a ribbon around a bundle of letters a in t;Your fato e once a ory by , but s again. Pregnant, een at time, ss. Sill alo time of as old as sing my life as a o be amed age into .
"You take almost anytions run s. ars, and tom of t alt;
Sy-five by my calculations.
"t doesnt mean Ive fotten s like to be young. Of course, its your life to do you c, you be in your , I uand."
"ould you like a cup of tea, Mom?"
"t ;
ter, during ternoon before Cmas, Oscar Love and I drove into ty to celebrate my ne episode ion or t my capability to ercourse, so trip appre, only one of ters could do trick. ured too late in ty, and trouble. t of us ready po perform t.
But I o experience sex t nigipped back a bottle of cified, o report t losing my virginity id erotic, but trut it ative uainty as to t, so position. A s time later, all t remained o get dressed, pay tmas.
s around tree and t on my o a brand-neo any c about tasks, genuine affe and sideration of one anoted my debauc before. Earlier t m, ing up for me and only goo bed t dros territory of our time toget get along. A year and a ao college, so en our rare enters. reated me like a stranger ime.
I recall t of imes tling. A feer t ter recital, up tter e story. e earing doten out of ter turning a . ions arrived in tervals betearing lumber.
"So, you remember t lady and ory about t; ; do you make of t? Do you t;
"Sounded incredible to me, but I suppose it migty sure of ;
Grunting , ugged a a rusty nail. "So it migrue? ;
"I didnt say it rue. S it isnt likely, is it? And any did o me. I t;
"Maybe it o it, and t of ton stark against the sky.
"ts a possibility," I said. "I reminded ime. Didnt you tell everyone he world?
Maybe s;
;tumble do; up in truck, and drove away.
t a year later. first lig rose from tood, o me, in t grass, calling out my name as and of firs. A dark trail of footsteps led into te in front of uck to t, as if artled a fled a I saure. By time I dre;; lingered in to o tly . I crept bato teo be reading ts page me belt of maybe I noticed before rembled as if palsied, and ook a Camel from . tte oo to lige ed attempts, so ossed it in tras a cup of coffee in front of ared at team as if I had handed him poison.
"Dad, are you all rig;
"You." ed me like a gun, but ts all t;; again.
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