"Listen to t; My friend Oscar put a record on turntable a do doo-;Eart; by t;Gee" by t ba t t    singing tenor and so on t on a erpoint, cog o tening to    eclectic record colle, analyzing and arguing over tle points of tions. Oscar Loves passion for music put my ambitions to s;te Negro," as    of time. Oscar    my mot person I approaing a band.

        Oscar stuck s beginning as ts, tly, simply unately,    keep toget a time: Our first drummer dropped out of ed in t guitarist moved ao Davenport, Io of t because t cut it as musis. Only Oscar and    persisted. e stayed togeto    at a club. Discriminating by ear and not by any preceived notion of cool, we could play any kind of music for any crowd.

        After a jazz performance    mood. e t summer nig of my parents s, and t song underscored tars and a ted t out and sat on t into t ing t to end.

        "Man, ; ;e slayed t guy ;

        "Im bout , man."

        "O;

        "Youre not bad yourself." I co stop skidding off t did not quite reacime to a tune in my te aser    it, and into t sky s predecessor.

        "o play, Day? I mean, youre still a kid. Only fifteen, rig;

        "Practice, man, practice."

        looking at tars and turo face me. "You    practice all you . Practice dont give you soul."

        "Ive been taking lessons for t fey. itin    makes it easier to uand t all."

        "I    dig t." te, and I took a deep drag, knoh marijuana.

        "But sometimes I feel like Im being torn in t me to keep going to lessons in. You kno."

        "Like Liberace." gled.

        "S up."

        "Fairy."

        "S up." I punche shoulder.

        "Easy, man." ;You could do it, tever you . Im good, but youre out of t it all your life or you    ;

        Maybe t, or maybe it ion of t, t-performa Oscar    true friend. Or maybe I o tell someone, anyone.

        "Ive got a fession, Oscar. Im not    all, but a    lived in time."

        ream of smoke poured out of rils.

        "Seriously, man, ole to obody kno it es bae in bits and pieces. And I played piano time ago, until tole me. And no t, but its like Im part     s tion."

        "ts pretty good, man. So w;

        "Out in t imes. But probably    in t;

        "Like o; o t; you?"

        "S up, man. Its possible. But t muc;

        "ts?"

        "ts w;

        ";

        "Used to be t    people stopped believing in mytales."

        "But oing to get o get you?" And    quickly and snatched my ankle.

        I screamed, embarrassed to be fooled by suc me. "Youve been any ;

        "No, trut; I socked he arm.

        "And t?"

        I ed to punc tory sounded, and I started laugoo. If    nig all, Osever again brougter, and maybe    I y after trutold. My impersonation of    no one suspected tory. Even my fatural skeptic, believed in me, or at least kept s hidden deep in his soul.

        t as a cave. Upstairs everyone slept soundly. I turned on td poured a drink of er. Attracted to tness, mot ted off ts, and tened for footsteps among trees, but notirred. I crept upstairs to cers.

        en feared t Mary and Elizabetcricks aions, and also knerike times. Not far froes, ba tolen and replaced by c age seven, until t all, only simulacra, and pity ts ers ible, and I celltale    deta life—t ch.

        I o stay out of t;Dangerous snakes and bears and s    near our patc talk ters.    to play," Id ask, "eresting on television?"

        "But I like expl," Elizabeth said.

        "; Mary added.

        "Did you ever see a timber rattler? ell, I er mocs. Oe and youre paralyzed, your limbs go black, trun or outclimb a bear? trees better ts, and t t;

        "I never get to see anyt; Elizabeth cried.

        " kno; Mary asked.

        "Its out trip and fall over an old log and break y and nobody    find your o door, and t m, frozen like a Popsicle, not te from ;

        "Enoug; ted in unison and    off to s on ttoms, ticks on th.

        But t nigs snored. My fat my name in    I dared not ans suce ernaturally still. I old my darkest secret    to bed, safe as ever.

        t one never fets ones first love, but I am it t I do not remember     t s girl I saory, Ill call    actually o Oscar, I resumed my lessons in, a turned a different creature— someoo be desired, a fetisy of anonymous lust as anyone, but it efully accepted    pause. I ig o speak to me at ter recital. e stood togetage in our formal    for our individual turns at t kids    first, fony is best served as an appetizer.

        "o play?" Sally w.

        &quin."

        "You play out of t; S inspired recital. In t follo to knoening to me play tin ; e arrao ogeturdays. Over sand t days lessons. I usually    from performances, so o a sop for an ice cream or a soda. Our versatioered around ts fifteen-year-olds talk about: scs, and, in our case, talked about musiposers, Mr. Martin, records, ties of jazz s of nattering t    a versation, more like a monologue. I did not knoen, o dra and enjoy her pany. She may well have been a lovely person.

        o    up took a stroll to ts resemblao t. But t seemed perfectly romantic. ty urned on tain, anot by ters edge, cime. I did not ko do, o ask, o say, in o broac. Sally saved me.

        "; save. "aking o t time, Ive ;

        "Of course I do."

        "If you like me, like you say, ry to ;

        I took    in ion in her palm.

        "And ried to kiss me?"

        For t time, I stared raigrying to express some metapion. Not kno no o remember tion. Sined ed rea, and I copied    a riddle percolated t to do . it o catcreetcar, ting tupidly staring into eaeet my fatook apart my emotions. ;loved" my family by t in my ;loved" a stranger. Its voluntary and a tremendous risk. tion is furtter of lust. I ted turdays, anxious to see her.

        took tiative. er, s on , and tered at my touced everyt to nibble ears, oget knoter, if s all. No ever ed t I feign an illo get out of Mr. Martins class, I gladly plied.

        e rode treetcar to s o    sunsarted to s, but Sally, easing t I could not keep up. iny perco ts o try.

        "e o ourselves. ould you like a lemonade?"

        S as    on t on ; ed. I heard a crash of cymbals in my minds ear.

        " you e sit beside me, ;

        Obedient pup, I trotted over ail and lolling tongue. Our fingers interlocked. I smiled. Sered a pent-up primal urge. I circled my .

        "oo muc; Sally panted and faering erpreted her signals?

        Sally undressed so quickly t I almost failed to notice transition. As if puston, off came , slip, socks, and under, sifically. I did love ures in ttie Page pinups and Frenccards, but images lack breadt isnt life. Part of me pulled fore to lay my    ty ook a step in ion.

        "No, no, no. Ive so s;

        Not since a young boy at taken off my clot of anyone else, muger, and I    t. But it is o refuse ripped, time cciced t sriangle of    tcely bare.    tion o ts, and a look of     of    her, deeply perplexed.

        "O; s;you look like a little boy."

        I covered up.

        "ts t one Ive ever seen."

        I angrily retrieved my clothe floor.

        "Im sorry but you look like my eig; Sally began to pick up ; be mad."

        But I    so muc    myself. I kne s I ten. In most respects, I appeared all of fifteen, but I ed one of tant parts. As I dressed, ed, I t of all t feeet of my moutretco groo adolesce. But I ten about puberty. So stay, apologized for laug me, even saying at one point t size didnt matter, t it ually kind of cute, but noto    for t basic greetings. Solen a afternoon.

        Stretcuation, but ted seque ion t typically ended in t, more iingly, I found t by imagining Sally or any ots    t t, baseball, arpeggios—I could postpone, or avoid altoget. te is someing to report. Maybe because to annoy    into my room and caug, red-o speak, altely under cover. ohe ceiling.

        " are you doing?"

        I stopped. t explanation, w reveal.

        "Dont t kno;

        Ko ask.

        "You    it."

        I blinked my eyes.

        t time. Farsigance —all ually disappeared, and my abiy to manipulate my appearance eriorated. More and more, I ed to be, but instead of rejoig in tuation, I sagged into ttress, s. I puncortured t to get fortable. Any ion. In pleasures place, a ragged loneliness ebbed. I felt stu a never-ending co living urol, a dozen suspicious sco, I o mark time and take my turn as a c ty of adolesce, ts could be endless.

        Several er, I    and to to let in tted out on t, tte, and picked out taring into ting for somet out from trees. uro e baside, Dad looked up at my room and sac    it.
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