13 September

        Miss Mandible s to make love to me but sates because I am officially a co to to tion    I    quite mao get cleared up yet. I am in fact ty-five, Ive been in t one, I e places, my voice is a baritone, I knoo do h Miss Mandible if she ever makes up her mind.

        In time udying on fras. I could, of course, ansions, or at least most of t remember). But I prefer to sit in too-small seat op cramping my ty-to t t, is divided betoday, Sue Ann; altions. Strangely o see any ingruity in my presence here.

        15 September

        ext, o ceal my destine journal-keeping, aplision book. Every day I must    until Geograpo put douation and my felloing at otimes and it does not eacicks close to t of t, o kno, I    from certaiory versations on ts cars, a veteran er of Road & track. tinual r sounds e from his desk; he is reprodug a record album called Sounds of Sebring.

        19 September

        Only I, at times (only at times), uand t someake    I am in a place    may be t Miss Mandible also kno some level, but for reasons not fully uood by me s assigo ted to protest, tupidest principal could ; but I o believe it e, t I rayed again.

        No seems to make little differeeresting as my former life-role, er for t Nortion ime amid tion: rumpled fenders, roofless sted en years of tendency to see t junkyard, looking at a man and seeing oially) mangled parts, entering a o trace table fire. talled e, I    age to be gained from er. ter teaches one much.

        22 September

        I am being solicited for team. I dee, refusing to take unfair profit from my .

        23 September

        Every m tvina, Bokenfoe, , Lay, Logan, Masei, Mitgang, Pfeilsticker. It is like tany ced in texas by t of our basic training pany.

        In too, I ook me a fantastically long time to realize    at o muc ely pointless, to no purpose. I kept ion. One day o opmost leaves, all of trees in our training area. tic. Later an off-duty captain sauntered by and ce-splasotally rung out among ted. ood t I wondered: ho decides?

        29 September

        Sue Ann is a erday s paying attention ing to pass me a note during ory. It is sill. But Miss Mandible co be a tly, trying to keep sexual significe out of iced. I    gly frequency t is tion, t;teac!"

        2 October

        Sometimes I speculate on t nature of t me    times I believe it igated by my et. I knoate) or my old Army serial number (US 54109268). ion I recall best, took pla ted. "You ; I said on t occasion, stating noteral, unvarnis. "You," s;are a pimp, a poop, and a crust t    me you will peris;

        I squirm in my seat at tion, and Sue Ann ciced t apparently sees it only as a token of my glamour, my dark man-of-the-world-ness.

        7 October

        Oiptoed up to Miss Mandibles desk (eac    as a sixtext, ions y to take t steps and to obtain corres full social significe, it is necessary t many realistic situations requiriing and lifelike problems involving tions s;

        8 October

        I am not irritated by tly no from t voyage tary sc;ty to take t steps and to obtain corres; true. , actical advantage of being able to maneuver in my disproportionate so bust a classmate in t asks Miss Mandible to lo ts ion y so easily.

        13 October

        It may be t on my first trip too muc ies ( I fused auty self. My pat particularly of my o front of me like a paper co pick up t out of sc time, I felt t timate antially correct, and eagerly e. I found clues abundant: diplomas, memberstons, a marriage lise, insurans, discax returns, Certificates of Merit. to prove, at t, t I    t ragic mistake on ton Bichek claim.

        I misread a clue. Do not misua ragedy only from t of vieies. I ceived t it y to obtain satisfa for t even one of our policy a claimant against Big Ben transfer & Ste, Inc.) from ttlement ill believe, . But    my encement Mrs. Bico prize    its faitrict manager, expressed t in a fe altogetie at time t I o    t ary, uhe lubricious eye of Miss Mandible.

        17 October

        today o    only for our room but for tire rigin, er my arrival, is interpreted by some as anot dubious relations eaced e felt letters reading FIRE, sits on ttle s to taining tages of pag my o for me) is t I am able to fill it    butter sandence, many years ago,    my diet eriously adjusted to my ion; I no longer drink, for instance, and    I    all. It is only in tter of sex t I feel my orue age; tly somet, once learned, ever be fotten. I live i Miss Mandible er sce a promising situation. to avoid tered iain quarters. But I ot deny t I am singed by ty of tably about t, a very tasty piece.

        24 October

        ted y largeness, to my dimly realized position in t of my classmates are polite about tter, as ted, metal-ation of some sort but essentially a peer. uring t (ly reproacsville), today inquired if I ed to figerested group of o observe taking. I replied t I didnt feel quite up to it, for and privately t    me all ts I    a ridiculously modest figure.

        25 October

        "Many iing and lifelike problems involving tions s; ts fail to realize t everyt is eiteresting or lifelike in t terpersonal relations: Sue Ann Broender solicitude after transparent; everyone kno s    it is a victory in ruggle , roers in per;Are you ions smolder be I have bumped my leg.

        30 October

        I return again and again to ture.

        4 November

        ting library    me a copy of Movie-tV Secrets, ticolor cover blazoned ;Debbies Date Insults Liz!" It is a gift from Frankie Randolpil today    one . I nod and smile over my s; Frankie imes one of to i a particularly lurid cover). Miss Mandible fiscates tV Secrets a an eyeful. "ture on t    seems. e ks of a nice guy, .    really ; ture sartled beside o kno ture is not really    seems; it seems to be nothan divorce evidence.

        do tures "; or o be padded rumps? ("A real undercent t adds appeal to t;) If t deciprations leave noto tion. "Drive ic. . ." tinues. Pers preoccupation is; it is a defense against being driven frantic.

        Sue Ann ure, and cat of ting t me as if to prove t anyto offer, sop. I sing torial perspective:

        "Debbies Kids Are g"

        "Eddie Asks Debbie: ill You. . . ?"

        "tmares Liz    Eddie!"

        "tell About Eddie"

        "te Life of Eddie and Liz"

        "Debbie Gets ;

        "A Ne;

        "Love Is a tricky Affair"

        "Eddies taylor-Made Love "

        ";

        "Are to Live toget;

        "Isnt It time to Stop Kig Debbie Around?"

        "Debbies Dilemma"

        "Eddie Bees a Fat;

        "Is Debbie Planning to Re-;

        " Liz Fulfill ;

        ";

        terrible predit? Sue Ann kno is obvious t sudying tory as a guide to w s w classroom.

        I am angry and I s    even a whanks.

        5 November

        t ary is a furnace of love, love, love. today it is raining, but iense ; I suspect t yesterdays exe. S responsible, I knohe flu.

        Nomosped sexuality as t today. Amos Darin y picture i    as a sign of somet as an act of love in itself. It ed even t seen it, even t uood only t it y. tly preitillation. Amos stands by ting to be taken to t of emporary celebrity. From time to time Miss Mandible looks at me reproac I did not create tmosp in it like all thers.

        8 November

        Everytes and I, most of all ture. e accept trageous assurances    blinking.

        9 November

        I o petition for a larger desk. At recess I     ake it up odian. S tant I am on telling ory. Somet to attempt it.    rust myself once more to ty. I resolve to make my t in ture.

        11 November

        A ruined marriage, a ruined adjusting career, a grim interlude in t not a person. teo date, a dismal total. Small    re-education seemed my only    is clear even to me t I need real y t provides ts kers!

        Plucked from my unexamined life among ot, desperate, money-making young Ameris, time, I am beginning to uand    ion of t me    I get right.)

        14 November

        tin bettom a specious one, I feel. there are only individual egos, crazy for love.

        15 November

        todian    our desks are all t size for sixtimate and furnis Educational Supply Corporation of E if t, t be incorrect. Miss Mandible, o press tter furto tration mig in my removal from trao some sort of setup for "exceptional c; ter of t magnitude. to sit in a room ;retarded")    me be, please God, typical.

        20 November

        e read signs as promises. Miss Mandible uands by my great , by my resonant vo I erprets to mean t I am unique among a desirable, ty as is everyt is Most Desirable. If ions    them.

        I myself, in my former existence, read tto ("o ime of Need") as a description of ty of ter, drastically mislog t s. I believed t because I ained a    tokens a kind of general righteousness.

        But I say, looking about me in tor of future citizens, t signs are signs, and t some of t discovery of my time here.

        23 November

        It may be t my experience as a cer all. If only I    remain quietly in tes ext. All of teries t perplexed me as an adult s.

        2 December

        Miss Mandible o permit me to remain ungrooo long.

        7 December

        It is t to me, pledges t ot be redeemed, t fuse me later and make me feel I am not getting any of some kno fet te I must travel    by anotor. If, like Bobby Vanderbilt, I yearn for ter coupé,1 o go te process, t is, get t is moself t I desire, I o make it. All of tiful in t of timate; teel and glass building, in traigter-of-faess able    t arras sometimes slip, t errors are made, t signs are misread? "ty to take t steps and to obtain corres; I take t steps, obtain corresher man.

        8 December

        My enlig is proceeding wonderfully.

        9 December

        Disaster once again. tomorroo be sent to a doctor, for observation. Sue Ann Bro. For a moment I t sually going to c ain no, but I kno s fulfilled. Altributing to t peace; . S everytold about life, about America, is true.

        I ried to viies t I am a minor only in a very special se I am in fact mostly to blame -- but it does no good. temporaries are astou I present myself as anyt victim. Like ts, to t trut.

        Bobby Vanderbilt has given me his copy of Sounds of Sebring, in farewell.
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