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首页A Portrait of the Artist as a Young ManChapter 4

Chapter 4

        Sunday ed to tery of trinity, Monday to t, tuesday to to saint Josepo t Blessed Sacrament of tar, Friday to turday to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

        Every m ery. s every moment of t or a for tentions of tiff and ted e piety; and often as    among t tar, folloerleaved prayer-book t, ant toed figure standing in taments, and imagi    mass in tabs.

        iional areas. By means of ejaculations and prayers ored up ungrudgingly for tory turies of days and quarantines and years; yet tual triump in ac ed by    in t of torial fire,     everlasting,    avail no more ture, ion.

        Every part of    ies of ation in life, circled about its ore of spiritual energy. o o eternity; every t, ance of sciousness could be made to revibrate radiantly in    times e repercussion    o feel ion pressing like fi caser and to see t of art fortely in    as a number but as a frail n of inse or as a slender flower.

        too, ly - for rousers pockets t    tell treets - transformed to als of floure t to s t    gr in eacues, in faited    ified riple prayer o teries.

        On eae of ts of t mig of it day by day t in t; and    on its appointed day, fident t it rao    times t anding and knoin ture t ea t    at some future stage of ual progress ty rinity. repidation, because of t te, y o sin against ernal mysterious secret Being to s offered up mass once a year, robed in t of tongues of fire.

        ture and kinsrinity ing from all eternity as in a mirror ions and ttiernally ternal Son and t proceeding out of Faternity - ance by    inprey t t God ernity, fes before o tself ed.

        e pronounced solemnly on tage and in t,    forto ime or to force o utter tion. A brief anger en ied    o make it an abiding passion and     of it as if ed er skin or peel.    a subtle, dark, and murmurous presence pee ous lust: it, too, . t seemed,    te his soul would harbour.

        But y of love, since God ernity. Gradually, as ual knorical expression of Gods po for every moment aion of    of a single leaf ree, s solid substand plexity no longer existed for y. So entire and uionable ure grao    and    io live. Yet t    of t question its use,    ternal om perfect reality ook up again ies, masses and prayers and sacraments and mortifications, and only t time since    mystery of love did    like t of some neue of tself. ttitude of rapture in sacred art, ted ed lips and eyes as of one about to s before or.

        But ual exaltation and did not allo from even t or lo devotion, striving also by stant mortification to undo t rato aess fraug under a rigorous discipline. In order to mortify t    o reet    eyes, glang    and never beer ime to time also    of ting tend closing to mortify ed no trol over led, and made no attempt to flee from noises ion suortify    as inctive repugo bad odours s.    t ain stale fisink like t of long-standing urine; and    odour. to mortify taste ised strict s at table, observed to tter all ts of t by distra to divert    foods. But it o tification of touc t assiduous iy of iiveness. ion in bed, sat in t unfortable positions, suffered patiently every itc a at t part of    air miging t saying iffly at s or clasped behind him.

        emptations to sin mortally. It surprised o find t at tricate piety and self-restraint    tions. s availed tle for t    being disturbed in ions. It needed an immense effort of o master to give outlet to sucation. Images of tbursts of trivial anger ed among ers, tc lips and fluso ice of y, by te ide of oting or prayer and it    failure to do to isfa    a sensation of spiritual dryogets and scruples. raversed a period of desolation in o urned into dried-up sources. ed imperfes. ual reception of t did n s of virginal self-surrender as did tual unions made by imes at t to t. ts ed book ten by saint Alpers and sere foxpapered leaves. A faded    love and virginal responses seemed to be evoked for s pages in ers prayers. An inaudible voice seemed to caress telling ains of to anser ubera mea orabitur.

        ttra for        once again by tent voices of to murmur to ations. It gave ense sense of poo kno    of sent, in a moment of t, undo all t o feel a flood slooo be ing for t faint timid noiseless    to touc at tant of t touc at t, anding far a of tion; and, seeing ts slooisfa so kno    yielded nor undone all.

        emptation many times in troubled and    being filctle by little. titude of y greo it succeeded a vague fear t    y t ate of grace by telling    o God at every temptation and t t o o give it. temptations s last trut    trials of ts. Frequent and violeations    tadel of t fallen and t to make it fall.

        Often ary iion at prayer, a movement of trivial anger in le ion y and sed of it once more. It ed and so t    ues or perfes    attain. A restless feeling of guilt     and be absolved, fess a again and be absolved again, fruitlessly. Per first y fession    sign t     of his life.

        -- I ? he asked himself

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        tor stood in to t, leaning an elboepood before     above t movements of tly fingers. ts face otal s t from beoucemples and teps and intervals of ts voice as    tion ransferenasters. t on easily s tale and in tep bound to set it on again ful questions.    tale led to find tless time    in ting for tor to e in, ure to anoto anotil t bee clear. t as    some unforeseen cause mig tor from ing, urning and tane.

        tor o speak of t t Boure. t, oo

        Steps indulgent smile and, not being anxious to give an opinion,    dubitative movement h his lips.

        -- I believe, tior, t talk no and folloher franciss.

        -- I suppose tain it in ters? said Stephen.

        -- O certainly, said tor. For ter it is all rig for treet I really t ter to do a, dont you?

        -- It must be troublesome, I imagine.

        -- Of course it is, of course. Just imagine    cyg in all kinds of    t hem in Belgium.

        to be indistinct.

        --    do them?

        -- Les jupes.

        -- O!

        Stepo t see on ts ss image or spectre only passing rapidly across    at fell upon    t yellow glow winy flame kindling upon his cheek.

        ticles of dress ain soft and delicate stuffs used in t alo e and sinful perfume. As a boy    so feel at Stradbrooke t oo,    time beremulous fitle texture of a og for, retaining    -uffs t o ceive of tender life.

        But ts lips    s speak lig tly    t ever    of jesuits    aside frankly as not bor by ers, even tracted o elligent and serious priests, atid ed prefects.    of ter and     en escaped punis. During all ters a flippant    augian doe and urged o live a good life and,    o grace. t of     of ion in Belvedere. A stant sense of to t year of urbulent panions to seduce    of quiet obedience; and, eve of a master, o doubt openly. Lately some of ts tle d pity as t of an aced    time. One day    say:

        -- I believe t Lord Macaulay ed a mortal sin in    is to say, a deliberate mortal sin.

        Some of t if Victor    test Fre    Victor ten urned against tten wholic.

        -- But t Frencics, said t, or    as ainly .

        tiny flame    an uing doubt fleal circumstan t t going slim jim out of    cap. Some jesuits ra tain expressions used in goe caves of his mind.

        ening to ta was addressing    voice.

        -- I sent for you today, Stepo speak to you on a very important subject.

        -- Yes, sir.

        --    t you ion?

        Steped o ans ed for the answer and added:

        -- I mean,    o join think.

        -- I imes t of it, said Stephen.

        t let to one side and, uniting h himself.

        -- In a college like t lengto ty, by to oto by t by s. And you, Step of Our Blessed Ladys sodality. Pero call to himself.

        A strong note of pride reinf ty of ts voice made Step qui in response.

        to receive t call, Step, is test    ty God    besto of God. No angel or arot even t of God: to bind and to loose from sin, to cast out from tures of God ts t y, to make t God of ar and take t an aephen!

        A flame began to flutter again on Stepen

        ood in reverenuse i on t-mannered priest, entering a fessional sly, asding tarsteps, insing, geing, apliss of ty and of tance from it. In t dim life s.    ly like suc of sued tain after    o fill ty of celebrant because it displeased o imagi all t tual so o be vested unicle of subdea at o stand aloof from tar, fotten by ten s folds or, and as dea in a dalmatic of clotep belo, o Ite missa est. If ever    it ures of t ar, and served by an acolyte scarcely more boyisal acts alone o go forto enter reality; and it ly ted rite ion wo cive.

        ened in reverent silenoo ts appeal and tinctly a voice bidding    kno po t t for s, of oto    rendered immune mysteriously at ion by tion of amio te peace of tar. No toud break t; no touake    and drink damnation to    dising t kno po, and    for ever acc to the order of Melchisedec.

        -- I omorroor, t Almigo you    you, Stepo your ron saint, t martyr,    be quite sure, Step you ion because it errible if you found after you    al, remember. Your catecells you t t of    imprints on tual mark    er. It is a solemion, Step may depend tion of your eternal soul. But o God together.

        o a panion in tual life. Step on to tform above teps and oers cet of young men riding along epping to tina. tant, as t bars of sudden music alastic fabrics of    turrets of c trivial air o ts fad, seeing in it a mirtion of tacly in the panionship.

        As eps troubled self-union    of a mirting a sunken day from t    aed    material cares.    nigiate and    dismay    m in tory. troubling odour of to    murmur of t once from every part of    began to irradiate. A feveriss ed and sank as if    unsustaining air and    again t er.

        Some instinct,    troion or piety, quied    every near approaco t life, an instinct subtle and ile, and armed    acquiesce. to early mass and trying vainly tle    ting siess of omag at dinner y of a college. , t deep-rooted so eat or drink under a strange roof?     w in every order?

        tephen Dedalus, S.J.

        neo cers before o it tal sensation of an undefined face or colour of a face. trong like a    seen on ry ms on ts? t, s inges of suffocated anger. as it not a mental spectre of ts hers Foxy Campbell?

        t moment before t reet and    teness of    o imagined uary, at te and irrevocable act of eo end for ever, in time and iy,    upon ery and poly office repeated itself idly in    to    it and    tatioo o an idle formal tale. abernacle as priest. iny o be elusive of social ious orders. ts appeal did not touco tio learn    from oto learn the world.

        ts    fallen but ly, in an instant. Not to fall oo oo    t lapse of     some instant to e, falling, falling, but not yet fallen, still unfallen, but about to fall.

        ream of tolka and turned ant toood fo of poor cottages. to t, o    dour stink of rotted cabbages came to it agnation of vegetable life,    laug of t solitary farmc. A sed laugaking rise from t after a pause, broke from arily as    of    urn ts of tfully plunging h.

        co tcers ting round table. tea    of tered tea remained in ttoms of ts s and lumps of sugared bread, turned broea able. Little ea lay uck turnover.

        t grey-blue gloly a sudden instinct of remorse in Step. All t o ; but t glow of evening sheir fao sign of rancour.

        table and asked wher were. One answered:

        -- Goneboro toboro lookboro atboro aboro houseboro.

        Still anoten asked en. A frown of s darkened quickly ioner.

        he asked:

        -- s a fair question?

        -- Becauseboro tboro usboro outboro.

        t broto sing t in tilly Nigook up til a full cer melody, glee after glee, till t pale ligill t dark nig fell.

        ed for some moments, listening, before oo took up tening    to tone of    out on lifes jourhe way.

        ciplied tion of tions of ce    upon it. And    erance, like ture o t pain and    ter time.

        ________________________________________

        no longer.

        From to te of tarf Ce of tail Co to to t first, planting eps scrupulously in tcpatiming to tutor, to find out for    ty. For a full ing: but    no longer.

        off abruptly for t le migs    the police barrad was safe.

        Yes, ile to tless silence. Yet rust pricked    coldly gtagonism gat y and o of a first noiseless sundering of their lives.

        ty! So ries o keep     be subject to ter satisfa uplifted o serve yet did not see o escape by an unseen pat beed to ure    to be opeo    seemed to    es of fitful music leaping upone and doriple-brancfully, flame after flame, out of a midnig    greer, t of time, o ures rag, t pattering like rain upon t passed in pattering tumult over    of s, t of s and elopes, until hem no more and remembered only a proud ce from Newman:

        --    are as t of s and undering arms.

        t dim image brougo y of t    to be iny and urned aside, obeying a inoime lay betion    his body. he had refused. hy?

        urned sea Dollymount and as o t tramp of . A squad of    brots o pass, trembling and resounding. tained yellorove to look at t stain of personal sion rose to ried to o ter u ill saion top-s and ape-like collars and loosely-hes.

        -- Brother hickey.

        Brother Quaid.

        Brother MacArdle.

        Brother Keogh.--

        ty    ell    trite s, it migribute of devotion t tenfold more acceptable te adoration. It oo tell    if o tes, stripped of en and in beggars    t, finally, tue, against e certitude, t t of love bade us not to love our neig and iy of love but to love he same kind of love.

        reasure and spoke it softly to himself:

        -- A day of dappled seaborne clouds.

        t to glo t self. Did ter tions of legend and colour? Or    t, being as oried templation of an inner ions mirrored perfectly in a lucid supple periodic prose?

        rembling bridge on to firm land again. At t instant, as it seemed to oer, ide. A faint click at , a faint t told     strike across t but raig pointed against th.

        A veiled sunlig up faintly t of er s flecked tant still, ty lay prone in y of    o imeless air, no older nor more ient of subje te.

        Disened, oing clouds, dappled and seabors of t of nomads on t traongues and valleyed and    and citadelled and of entrenscious of but could not capture even for an instant; to recede, to recede, to recede, and from eacrail of nebulous music te, pierg like a star the world was calling.

        -- ephanos!

        -- he Dedalus!

        -- Ao!E over, Delling you, or Ill give you a stuff in the kisser for yourselfAo!

        -- Good man, towser! Duck him!

        -- e along, Dedalus! Bous Stepephaneforos!

        -- Duck owser!

        -- help! help!Ao!

        ively before inguis of t medley of    nakedness co te or suffused    or raanned by t of tone, poised on its rude supports and rog uones of ter over re. toer; and drencted hair.

        ood still in defereo ter erless t toned collar, Ennis     belt     s! It o see to see t made repellent tiable nakedness. Peraken refuge in number and noise from t dread in t    from t dread ood of tery of his own body.

        -- Stepepephaneforos!

        ter    neo    flattered y. Noo imeless seemed t all ages o    before t of t kingdom of ture of ty. No tificer, o o see a    did it mean? as it a quaint device opening a page of some medieval book of propo serve and s of cist f aer of th a new s impalpable imperishable being?

        trembled; er and a    passed over    trembled in aasy of fear and . itude and made radiant and ingled    of t. Aasy of flig remulous and     limbs.

        -- O!

        -- Oh, Cripes, Im drownded!

        -- Ohree and away!

        -- t! t!

        -- One!UK!

        -- Stephaneforos!

        aco cry aloud, to cry piergly of o to    ties and despair, not t o tar. An instant of wild fligriump his brain.

        -- Stephaneforos!

        cerements s and day, titude t     - cerements, the grave?

        e proudly out of t artificer wiful, impalpable, imperishable.

        arted up nervously from tone-block for     t of    buro set out for t seemed to cry. Evening    fall upe fields and hills and faces. here?

        oide    fast along ts. ide and about ts of tclad figures, wading and delving.

        Inca fes , ogs folded in s and ted laces over ed salt-eaten stick out of tsam among ter.

        t in trand and, as s course,    t of sea and olive, it moved be, surning. ter of t    and mirrored ting clouds. ting above ly and silently tangle ing below ill and a new wild life was singing in his veins.

        iny, to brood alone upon terfuge to queen it in faded cerements and in     touch? Or where was he?

        o t of life. ed, alone amid a e of    of sangle and veiled grey sunligclad figures of che air.

        A girl stood before ream, alone and still, gazing out to sea. Se aiful seabird. e as a es and pure save - to te fringes of    s ed boldly about    and dovetailed be and slig and soft as t of some dark-plumaged dove. But oucal beauty, her face.

        Sill, gazing out to sea; and o    sufferance of    sonness. Long, long sly    toream, gently stirring ter     faint noise of gently moving er broke t and    flame trembled on her cheek.

        -- epburst of profane joy.

        urned arand. rembling. On and on and on and on rode, far out over to to greet t of t o him.

        o asy.    to live, to err, to fall, to triumpo recreate life out of life! A y, an envoy from ts of life, to tant of ecstasy tes of all the ways of error and glory. On and on and on and on!

        ed suddenly and    in t ?

        to    tide urn and already turned landoufted sandknolls and lay do t still t of his blood.

        above    indifferent dome and t aken o .

        rembled as if t t cyclient of tcrembled as if t trange ligo some ic, dim, uain as under sea, traversed by cloudy srembling, trembling and unfolding, a breaking lig spread in endless succession to itself, breaking in full crimson and unfolding and fading to palest rose, leaf by leaf and s soft flusher.

        Evening ure of    its joy.

        o t of t    te of skyliide    to t figures in distant pools.
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